When you dread being alone with your partner, know for sure that you do not have a companion.
Companionship is a two way road…you cannot want a companion if you won’t be a companion. The Bible says “A man that has friends must show himself friendly…” Proverbs 18:24. Companionship is a bit deeper than friendship though…it is a closeness or familiarity, a fellowship between two people who have found a connection.
Companionship can never be attained without being friends first
Companionship can never be attained where there is selfishness.
Companionship can never be attained where there is laziness (it is built over time and requires resilience and hard work. If you want a successful companionship, you need to resolve to work hard to build and maintain a sense of closeness, familiarity, warmth and affection. Your bond may break without this factor, no matter how strong it was at the beginning)
Companionship can never be attained where there is deceit and unfaithfulness
Companionship can never be attained where there is CONSTANT disagreement (Can two walk together without agreeing on direction? Amos 3:3)
Companionship can never be attained without openness
Companionship can never be attained if your words and actions don’t match (If you truly care about someone, show them you care. Words are cheap)
Companionship can never be attained if you do not make time for each other
Companionship can never be attained without commitment
Companionship can never be attained without a forgiving heart (...bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you) Colossians 3:13
People get married for all kinds of reasons but ask anyone with a lasting/standing marriage, he or she found a companion. Companionship will go with you all the way…when sex fails, when beauty fades, when the children are no longer in the house, companionship keeps the house a home.
How to meet a man’s need for companionship in a relationship
Be his friend – It does not matter how many friends he has, you have to be his best friend. The person he talks to first. The person he shares his secrets and fears with.
Be pleasant/cheerful – nagging, being grumpy, being pessimistic, always appearing sad/depressed are natural/organic male-repellant. Irrespective of what went wrong during the day, smile when you see him. Save the frustrations for later and keep them in perspective. Talk about the positives first…talk about the positives more. The Bible says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a depressed spirit saps a person’s strength” Proverbs 17:22
Speak his ‘Language’ – make time once in a while to talk about the things that interest him. His sports, his team, his passion. You will be amazed at the connection this can build.
Find and enjoy Mutual hobbies – Find something fun that both of you enjoy and can do together. Even if it’s grocery shopping or just walking around the neighborhood. There has to be something.
Play games together – find a game you both enjoy (not a gameshow). Preferably a board game and enjoy an hour together doing this.
Be a good listener – give your man room to express his frustrations about whatever bothers him. Even if you don’t see why he should, let him…don’t pick out faults in what he is saying. Let him vent…know when to offer sympathy and know when to offer advice.
How to meet a woman’s need for companionship in a relationship
Be her diary – A woman wants to talk about everything. The guy that cut her off on the freeway, on her way from work. The co-worker that was mean to her. The funny suit a co-worker was wearing today. The ridiculous hike in the price of tomatoes. The viral video she saw on social media.
One of a woman’s principal needs in a companion is someone to have a conversation with. Someone she can pour out everything in her heart to. Frequent conversation will help her to feel psychologically connected to you. Most men find time to talk to women while dating them but the moment we marry them, all the conversations somehow start getting annoying, boring, unnecessary, repetitive…this is a VERY WRONG move. Don’t ever give your woman a reason to shut you out. Be that man she fell in love with again …she needs to have a pleasant conversation with you, without distractions, for a minimum of 30 minutes EVERY DAY. A woman lacking such quality conversation with her man tend to resort to nagging and faultfinding in an attempt to meet this need on at least a rudimentary level. Fill her need for conversation, and you will likely find that she becomes less inclined to nag and be irritable.
Please Listen – Letting her talk is different from watching her rant. Show her that you are genuinely interested in what she has to say. Look at her in the eyes when listening…it builds a bond. Don’t pre-empt, or interrupt…your complete attention is important. Don’t find faults; don’t be quick to tell her where she was wrong. Truth is, the more you listen, the more she will talk….the more she will share. Talking gives a woman pleasure. Indulging her in this pleasure-finding adventure will give her warm feelings for you. This will make her want to be patient with you and nice to you. (Trust me, there are days you will need to cash in on the patience).
Make her laugh – Don’t be that soulless, overly serious, anti-fun, anti-social guy. Dude, when you are too serious, you ain’t much fun….make your woman laugh. Have fun together. Laughter always breaks the ice.
Speak her ‘Language’ – make time once in a while to talk about the things that interest her. Watch her favorite shows with her once in a while.
Tame the Beast – Men are naturally temperamental. It takes wisdom to control it. Don’t be that door slamming, table punching, cursing, storming out in rage kinda guy. The book of proverbs says a lot of things about controlling one’s anger
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly Chapter 14 verse 29
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city Chapter 16 verse 32
A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back Chapter 29 verse 11
Let it flow – Men are also naturally secretive and we tend to bottle things up…but don’t be afraid to let your feelings show, even if it’s just a little. Showing her you can be vulnerable is also showing her you are human.
Season your words with salt – This is very important. When you talk to your woman, BE PLEASANT. Don’t just say what you feel, how you feel…there are times you have to keep quiet and it speaks volume. There are times you need a time out to structure your words so you don’t affect the structure of your relationship. Words can hurt and words can erode a person’s self-esteem, especially coming from someone you care about. Learn how to TAME your tongue. The bible says “Whoso keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles” Proverbs 21:23
Picture credit (c) Quality Home Care
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