The Speck In Her Eye (Part 1)

I must have waited almost an hour at the reception…I never knew this many people came to the pastor for counselling. Some of them were not even members of our church. I kept pacing up and down, hoping I could send the other people away. After all, there’s nothing they could be going through that could be worse than my issue.

I had called before coming and Pastor Fred said I needed to see him in person. It was a huge relief when his secretary called me and said I could go in to see him.

“Pastor, I am so confused sir…I don’t even know how to tackle this. I truly love my wife; she has gone through a lot and has endured a lot for me”.

“You know part of our story and how she stood by me”.

“As at the time I left the house this morning, I couldn’t even bear to look her in the face…her heartbreak was visible and her pain was real”.

“I begged her all through yesterday and even reminded her of how faithful I had been to her. She told me if I had cheated on her, it would have been easier for her to deal with…Pastor Fred, how could cheating be better? How?”

I ranted on and on, with a view to making Pastor see it from my angle too.

“What was I supposed to do sir? I didn’t know my mum would handle it that way. I confided in her as a mother…I was just honoring her according to the word of God”

Pastor Fred, who had been quiet all along, cleared his throat and said
“Can we pray?”

I immediately kept quiet in a way that suggested consent…so he said

“Heavenly father,
The Bible says that the king’s heart is in Your hand, and like the rivers of water;
You turn it wherever You wish. Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. I commit my brother into your hands that you will make his heart receptive to the truth of Your word; which will birth the process of reconciliation in his home. Help him to see himself and areas where he fell short. That grace be released unto him to embrace the truth and walk therein.
In Jesus’ name I pray”

I said amen…albeit reluctantly. I felt like our Pastor had already taken sides, going by the words and tone of his prayer.

Pastor Fred grabbed his iPad, flipped through the screen a couple of times and said

“Brother Niran, I won’t mince words with you. I have been part of your family story from the beginning.

I am not a stranger in how you guys met and how the relationship blossomed into marriage.

Sister Funmi was very open right from the onset.

She shared things with you that she had never shared with anyone…I was even shocked at some of the things she shared.

I believe those things were shared out of trust and also to let you know what you were getting into, since you said God told you she was your wife.

Trust, at such level, is something you never want to break in any relationship.

Even God knows the value of trust because it is at the core of every healthy relationship. Take trust away and what’s left is a hollow shell devoid of openness, truth and love.

The person whose trust is broken is forced to withdraw, to avoid a repetition…and can one blame them?

There are things that should be between a couple and God ONLY; unless they have mutually agreed to share with a third party.

There are things that should forever stay between a couple and their God.

Whatever I tell you today has no meaning until you have agreed that you broke your wife’s trust and her hurt and anger are justifiable.

That is the first step toward healing…utter transparency and owning this. No buts, no excuses…you can’t say “I’m sorry for what I did but…”

I will talk to your wife too but we need to start with you

We need to tackle this from its source.

We need to deal with the action first, then and only then will it make sense to talk about the reaction.

You have to be willing to accept the consequences of your action…it is a vital tool in rebuilding trust because the offended will see it as humility

Another important tool is patience…because depending on how hurt the offended is, we may need to prayerfully wait for the pain to subside. Until then, apologies may not really make sense.

I need you to go pray about this and let the Holy Spirit expound this to you. I believe that our God is not the author of confusion and He will show you what needs to be done”

When he was done talking, he told me to hold all my questions and that he wanted me to go do what he suggested first. He prayed with me again and said I should see him that weekend…he also promised to call my wife and talk to her.

He saw me to the door and had to go back inside because of the other people that were waiting to see him...

                                                                                                                     PART 2

Picture Credit (c) counselling.org
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental   

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

Marital Nuggets 1

Dear Married,
Never get “comfortable” with your spouse to the point where there’s no appreciation or gratitude for good gestures. Thanking your spouse for doing something as simple as cleaning up the house before guests arrive helps solidify the bond you have for each other.

Try to make appreciation

1 Timely: show gratitude immediately or soon after (that’s when it makes sense) don’t wait

2 Personal: know what kind of gratitude your spouse will appreciate (a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, just a gentle squeeze of his/her hand) it makes it memorable and more impactful

3 Specific: Let your spouse know what you are thanking him/her for…Share how their efforts helped you

4 Meaningful: Don’t just do it for the sake of doing it, people are able to read if it’s sincere or just convention

5 Frequent: Say it as many times as necessary. You want to continually encourage good deeds and gestures.

“Thank you” is not just courtesy…you’ll be shocked at how powerful verbalizing a "thank you" is. ‪#‎MaritalNuggets

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

Let's Talk About Househelps

Yea...Let's talk about "House helps".
1 Timothy 5:18 "For the scripture said, You shall not muzzle the ox that treads out the corn. And, The laborer is worthy of his reward"
There's nothing wrong with having a house help (Or maid as they are called here in the US) if:
1 The person is old enough to work (Not those under-aged kids brought from wherever)
2 You are paying him/her what obtains as fair in your part of the world...
3 You are paying the worker and not some agent or the parents (Nigerian People will understand this)
4 You are treating the person like a human being (I have seen house helps sleeping under the stairs, bathing outside in the open, eating food different from what the other members of the house eat, bathing with detergent and wearing rags)
5 You are not "destroying" his/her future (I have seen people that send their house helps to school or to learn some kind of craft so that they can also have a better future)
(Read 1 Samuel 30...the Egyptian slave betrayed his master because the master ABANDONED him)
REMEMBER
Your house help takes care of your children and therefore has access to them
Your house help has access to almost every part of your house
Your house help can be an agent of the evil ones, if they treat him/her better than you do
Your house help is included in the "Love everyone" message we preach as children of God
Some people might just miss heaven because they got a house help...

Picture Credit (c) onegeria.com

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

Are You A Worshipper?

A friend of mine once said "Having a repertoire of slow songs with Christian lyrics and making a few strange faces when you sing them doesn't make you a worshipper. It's a HEART–THING; it's a SPIRIT–THING! Worship is inside-out, not outside-in!"

 

This got me thinking and it helped me see worship in a different light so I decided to share

The word worship is defined as the expression of reverence and adoration for a deity
To really get a deeper understanding of the word "worshipper", let's look at it from the stand point of an "idol-worshipper"...let's say a "Sango" worshipper (Sango is a god in Yoruba land).

This person is not called a Sango worshipper because he sings (tempo notwithstanding) although they have their own songs dedicated to this dead god. If you see a Sango worshipper, you don't have to be told who (or what) he serves...he looks like Sango, he dresses like Sango, he even boasts of Sango, he keeps the rules of Sango, he has an altar dedicated to Sango where he makes sacrifices as demanded by Sango. He knows Sango's dos and don'ts and goes above and beyond not to 'PROVOKE' Sango's anger...in short, he lives Sango.

And by the way, Sango was an erratic, highly temperamental and bitter king that killed his own family out of anger and ended up hanging himself. He became a god just because he could magically control thunder and lightning, he was very ruthless and merciless even to his own worshippers.

 

So a worshipper is someone that KNOWS his God, lives FOR his God, lives BY his God, lives THROUGH his God and lives IN his God...for him, it's all about his God.

He is never ashamed, he is ever ready to represent his God anywhere, anytime no matter what others think. He is always striving to please his God. he does it with all of his heart and spirit...out of pure love for his God.

He remains a worshipper whether his God provides or withholds, whether his God spares or strikes. He loves to be in the presence of his God...so, are you a worshipper?

 

 

Picture Credit (c) footage.slideshare.net

 

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved