Like
a friend of mine said yesterday “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the
gander”. If we shared 30
GOLDEN NUGGETS FOR ALL MARRIED WOMEN, we should have something similar for
men…so here we are
30 GOLDEN NUGGETS FOR
ALL MARRIED MEN
1).
Never raise your hands against your wife…only weak men hit women. Only a dumb
man hits his wife in front of her children. FYI, God hates it when you do it. “For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his
wife] with violence” –Malachi 2:16
2).
Love your wife into submission, don’t force her into submission. Forcing her
into submission is tantamount to slavery. Submission is the natural response to
love…if you’ve loved her but she doesn’t submit, love her some more
3).
For a Christian husband, submission is a two way lane…you should love your wife
enough to submit to her too. “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”
– Ephesians 5:21
4).
Your wife is not your mother…don’t compare them. The love of a mother
to a child (storge) is different from the love between a husband and a wife
(Eros). Your wife is not a property either, she is not like your car or your
house…your wife is part of you; like your eyes or an internal organ. Treat her
as such.
5).
Do your BEST and some more to PROVIDE for your family. One of the qualities of
a real man is his ability to provide for his family. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and
especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever” – 1 Timothy 5:8
6).
Lead by example, be a ROLE MODEL…show your male children how to be a good
husband, show your female children what to look for in a good husband.
7).
Don’t have a vengeful spirit when dealing with your wife. “I will show her” is
an immature statement. Permit me to say GROW UP!
8).
Protect your wife from ALL harms…be ready to give yourself for her if need be “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her” – Ephesians 5:25 .
9).
Don’t rub your position as the ‘head of the family’ in anybody’s face. Don’t be
quick to flash that card. The truth is, anytime you need to remind the people
you lead that you’re the head…you probably ain’t. Leadership is not enforcing
your will; it is knowing and choosing what’s best for the organization.
10).
HELP to lighten your wife’s burden. Don’t be the “that’s my wife’s job” kind of
guy. Acts of service show that you truly love your wife and you don’t want her
overwhelmed. Cook when you can (if you can), help with the dishes once in a
while, help get the kids ready, who said a man can’t help in the kitchen or
with laundry?
11).
Never put your wife down with your words. If you call her dumb, it shows you
are dumber for marrying a dumb person. “Let your
speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt…” – Colossians
4:6
12).
Never make a scene in public. Respect your wife enough to let it wait. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with
your wives, and treat them with respect…” – 1 Peter 3:7
13).
Never yell at your wife, especially in front of the children. Your
children will love and appreciate you for it. When there is an
argument, drop the shaming, blaming and always wanting to be right. Learn
effective communication skills, they always get the job done without hurting
anybody.
14).
Set the tone for your home. Be what you want the family to be. You want excellent
kids? Pursue excellence. You want respectful kids? Show respect. You want a
peaceful home? Live peaceably with your family. Children watch and do what you
do, not what you tell them to do.
15).
Never let ANYONE (including your family members) disrespect your wife.
You may not know it, anyone that disrespects your wife is indirectly disrespecting
you.
16).
Don’t just live for today, secure your family’s future.
17).
Your wife’s opinion MATTERS. I will say it again, your wife’s
OPINION matters. She is the ultimate recipient of the repercussions of your
decisions (good or bad) and you think she should not have a say?
18).
Encourage your wife to be the best she can. It is not a competition…there are
women that have brought relevance to their husband by excelling in their
fields. Be proud of her when she shines, don’t be jealous…know that she made ‘it’
because of your support. It shows you are a great leader when your wife excels
and shines.
19).
Give your wife your undivided attention whenever she desires/requires it…spend
quality time with her and let her pour out her heart to you. A woman only opens
up to someone she considers special and deserving of that ‘privilege’.
20).
Show affection to your wife and children. Let them know you are happy to have
them in your life. Hug them, smile, play with them, spend time with them, say
nice things to them. Communication and time together are keys to a strong
marriage. African fathers are wired, by culture, not to show affection or
emotions…BIG ERROR. Don’t let your children see you as “that mean guy”.
21).
Don't be cruel. Don’t abuse your wife emotionally. There are men that will
never hit their wives physically but the emotional torment and punishment they
dole out is enough to kill the women. ‘Shutting down’ because there is an
issue, refusing to eat, refusing to participate in anything in the house,
intentionally doing the things you know she hates, threatening her with
divorce, treating her like she’s nothing, leaving the house unannounced and
coming back late, rubbing her face in your immorality and ‘sexcapades’ (some men do it). “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them”
– Colossians 3:19
22).
Honor your marriage enough, not to defile it. Engaging in extra marital affairs
is simply dishonoring your marriage and the vow you made before God and men.
When you do this, you are inviting God’s judgment. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage
bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous”
– Proverbs 31:15
23).
Be a GENTLE disciplinarian. Don’t just go all out in your wrath when somebody
does something wrong. Self-control is the most important virtue for someone in
a position of power or leadership. Don’t scar your children because you are
trying to correct them. “Fathers, do not
provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” –
Colossians 3:21
24).
Keep your wife in the loop. Create a clear vision of your shared future
together. Let her know everything that is going on with you and with the
family. Let her know when you are ‘light’, let her know when you are ‘heavy’.
Let her know what you have and what you own…let her know how everything feeds
and fits into one another. If you have a business, let her know how you run it.
Let her know what you owe and what you are owed. Don’t be that guy that died
and his wife had no idea how anything worked or where anything was…he was too
secretive for his own good.
25).
It’s good to be hardworking but it’s better when, as a man, you know how to
prioritize and live a balanced life. Don’t be engrossed in your work to the
detriment of your marriage or home. Don’t be all about your family that you can’t
even keep a job. Know what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and for
how long it needs to be done. “For everything there is a season, and a time for
every matter under heaven” - Ecclesiastes 3:1. Don’t be on a
cruise when you NEED to be at a board meeting and don’t be at a board meeting
when you should be at your child’s recital. Live a balanced life.
26).
There are times that things won’t be going great financially, don’t be too
proud to accept help from your wife…and don’t be too lazy to let it stay that
way.
27).
Be fair to your wife. Learn to appreciate her…let go of unnecessary and subjective
criticism. You can only choose between controlling and having a connection with
your wife; you cannot have both.
28).
Learn how to agree to disagree. The fact that your wife doesn’t see it the way
you do is not a declaration of war…neither does it mean she is usurping your ‘position’. “No two people agree on everything,
and that's okay, but it's important to be okay with each other's differences”. - Lee Bowers
29
Check in regularly to be sure the marriage is on the right track. Don’t assume
all is well. Only your wife can tell you if things are going good. Take time to
talk about your relationship (even if it’s just for 15 minutes)…not the kids,
not work, not general conversations. Let it be just about the two of you.
30).
Constantly remind her of your love for her…say it from time to time, it won’t
kill you…tell her “I love you”. If you have an issue with that, send her a text
during the day, let her feel loved. Above all, SHOW her you truly love her…talk
is cheap.
You
may be a prayer warrior but how you
treat your wife is directly proportional to the efficacy of your prayers.
The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the
same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with
respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of
life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers
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