Protect Her

A lot of African marriages would have been sweeter/better/more peaceful if not for self-imposed and culture-imposed "stakeholders"

A husband almost beat his wife to a pulp because his sister complained about the reception she got when she visited

 Some marriages break, not because the husband and wife don’t know how to handle their issues, but because someone else has an issue with the way things are done in the couples’ homes
You hear things like…

 “My wife can never talk to me like that”

 “My husband will never do that”

 “I can’t take that from any man”

 “If you are not a bastard, you will go home now and show her who the man is, in this marriage”

 “You really let him/her do that?”

 “Until your wife knows ‘her place’, I will not come to your house”

 “I’m not telling you how to run your home o…but it shouldn’t be like that”

There are homes that stop being peaceful the day ‘Mama’ visits…anytime mama is around, peace goes on vacation

 Some men just sit there, while their family members ridicule and humiliate their wives publicly in the name of culture and tradition

 

Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Colossians 3:19 says “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them”
1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”

Sir, be your wife’s first line of defense…be her shield…protect her from external aggression

 

 

© 2018 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

Build Sweet Memories...Lessons From Mum's Death

On my dad’s 60th birthday, there was a little misunderstanding between him and my mum.

Momma wanted to shift the celebration by a couple of days so she could help cook at the Convention of the church they were attending then.

My dad refused to do this because he didn’t feel he should move his birthday and also because friends and family, that knew the date, would come home to celebrate with him.

They couldn’t reach an agreement, so my mum went to church and was cooking while my dad was at home with my siblings, that were around, and some friends that had shown up.

When I heard about this, I called my mum and was on the phone with her for over an hour. She later realized she had goofed and went home to join the celebration…I was told that when she got home, she went straight to her husband, apologized then gave him a warm hug and that settled it.

Fast forward >>>my mum’s death and burial coincided with another Convention of their church…but this time, her obituary could not even find a place on the wall of the church. We pasted some but they were quickly removed and replaced with posters of the Convention. When her corpse was brought home for lying in state, there was nobody, from church, to receive her…my dad had to do it.  He was holding back tears while thanking God. Need I say that the Convention went on as scheduled?

It took a lot to allow her coffin outside the church, under a canopy, because of some doctrine that did not permit dead bodies inside the church. The same church she spent every Wednesday night at, with dry fasting, to pray all-night, in preparation for the Thursday deliverance service…where she also served as a counselor and would stay till Thursday evening.

Let me state categorically, that this is not a rant against the church, because they did what they could as well…it is just to show us that even when we are serving God, we need to hold our family in high esteem and not allow anything rob us of the sweet memories and quality time we are supposed to build with them. Those memories are what we will leave with them and we don’t want to taint them.

We choose our friends and affiliations but God determines our family…

As a minister in God’s vineyard, your family is your first ministry…you will also account for it.

Olufunmilayo, continue to rest in the bossom of your Lord and Savior that you served wholeheartedly

Eight years just like yesterday…time didn’t heal this, God did

#SleepOnBeloved #LessonsFromMommasDeath

© 2018 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

The Phone Call (Reloaded) - Conclusion

We talked about different things and he told me of his plans never to visit Nigeria again because of his experience at the airport and what the custom guys did to him…but above all, he would not want to visit a Nigeria where someone else was my husband.

I laughed it off and told him that God will find him a good wife too.

I totally lost track of time and before I knew it, four hours had passed. Seun had been trying to reach me but my phone was in the bag. When I realized this, I told Bayo I had to go and we stepped out of the eatery.

We hugged and I wished him a safe trip back to the UK. I flagged down a cab and as I was negotiating the fare

“I have a wedding present for you
It was an alternative arrangement; because something told me I wouldn’t be able to convince you to marry me instead” he said but quickly added that he was joking about the “convincing me” part

“I didn’t bring it here; it’s in my hotel room.
We could go get it and you’ll be on your way”

It was getting late and I wasn’t even sure how to explain my being off the grid for that long to Seun.
Bayo must have noticed the hesitation
“It’s okay if you don’t want to
Hopefully, I’ll find a way to get it to you before leaving
I guess I’m a stranger now and can’t be fully trusted”
 
“Haba!
No be you?
I know you well enough and can trust you with my life” I responded

So we got in the cab. The hotel was about 10 minutes away…I actually wanted the cabbie to wait for me but the Hotel entrance was really busy and he would have had to keep circling around.

At first, I was going to stay at the lobby for Bayo to go get the gift but then, I wanted to spend some more time with him no matter how little. I wasn’t sure I would see him again, ever, since he would be leaving in a couple of days and wasn’t planning to visit Nigeria anytime soon.

I remember giving him an invitation card to the wedding, just for formality, which he dropped on the table as soon as we got in his hotel room.
The gift was an envelope, I knew it was money and it had to be a lot going by how bulgy it was. As he was handing it over, I noticed he had tears in his eyes…he had been trying to hide it all along but he seemed not to care anymore. The reality of me leaving for good must have just dawned on him and it felt like we were just breaking up.

He held my hand and said

“I still can’t believe I’m not the one marrying you…when I’m sure nobody else on earth loves you as much as I do”.

I told him that’s the way God wanted it and Bayo literally broke down and started crying.

“I should have just stayed and completed my first degree here in Nigeria…
I should have stood my ground
I should have told my dad that I would rather go for my masters abroad.
It’s not every time that a man is lucky enough to meet someone like you
God sent me an angel and I let her fly away”
 
I didn’t say anything; he was still holding my right hand and gently squeezing it

“When you told me about your fiancé, I thought you guys were just playing and that I would come and get you soon…
I wanted to say something, but I remembered that I was the one who told you to stop waiting.
I didn’t know the case would be resolved on time and I didn’t wanna keep you waiting indefinitely”
 
“When you told me you were getting married, I knew I had to see you again…even if it’s for the last time”

He went on and on about how things would have been different and how he was too late due to no direct fault of his.

“Learn from me, if God brings something good your way, never let go of it”


I felt for him and hugged him tight…I really pitied him and held back my tears.
He knelt down but his arms were wrapped around my waist and he was crying…I could feel teardrops on my toes.

"Come on Bayo, pull yourself together" I said as I tried to pull him up but as he was getting up, our lips met…
 
“How could you do this?
You knew I would be vulnerable and preyed on that
You knew how hard it would be for me to resist you
You are wicked.

Oh my God…it’s less than a week to my wedding
I shouldn’t have come
I should have just walked away from TFC
I’m so stupid
I was stupid to have returned your call…
I was stupid to have agreed to meet with you
Oh my God!”
Those were the things I was saying twenty minutes later, as I ran out of the room with whatever dignity I had left.

Bayo tried to run after me but he couldn’t…not with the way he was. He was still trying to pull up his pants and all that.
I cried all the way home.
Seun was waiting for me, he was so worried.
It was past ten and he had called and called until my battery died.
 
“What happened?” he asked

“You don’t wanna know” was my response as I headed straight for the bathroom.
I must have been in the shower for about an hour.
I felt so dirty and neither the soap nor the water was doing anything to help.

It was my time to sob and weep. I sat in the tub and cried bitterly.
 
Seun was out in the sitting room telling me to take it easy…that whatever the problem was, we were in it together.

I came out later and made one request that he should stay with me that night and just hold me. We sat on the couch as I laid my head on his laps…he was comforting me because I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“Did anyone hurt you?” He asked

"No, not at all.
I’ll be fine, but I just have to let it out” I replied.

We went into the bedroom and he stayed with me till the next day. I’m sure Seun didn’t blink for a second…he held me as I laid on his chest.
This was the very first time Seun was this close to me since we had been dating.
He somehow knew something was wrong, he just didn't know what it was. He even prayed for me during the night...I felt so bad. 

The next morning, I got up and knelt down in front of him
"Seun, I love you so much and I will never hurt you again…ever".
He was confused and was pulling me up.
He didn’t really get my message but he was just happy to see that I had stopped crying.

He had to leave for church but I told him I would rather stay at home. After He left, I cried my eyes out again and kept asking God to forgive me. I never bothered to charge my phone because I knew who would be trying to reach me.

Should I tell Seun?

Should I share this with anyone?
 
Should I call my sister?

All those thoughts were going through my mind but I later decided to keep this between myself and God.  
I didn’t wanna hurt Seun…he didn’t deserve that.
I was stupid enough to do what I did and I already told him I wasn’t a virgin but had only been with Bayo.

However, everyone that's close to me knew something was wrong with me…even when I was pretending to smile, it was obvious something was wrong.
My sister would look at me as if she was trying to figure it out but I did my best to confuse her.

All through the wedding period, Seun kept asking if I was alright…I couldn’t even look him in the eye.
I was not just myself.
I had this deep sorrow/burden within that I couldn’t share with anyone. I later resolved that it would go away over time.

On our wedding night, as we consummated our love, I just kept crying…Seun held me but didn’t know the fire that was burning in my heart.
 
This happened in year 2005 and although it took a long time…I was finally able to forgive myself. I never contacted Bayo since then, (I blocked all communication channels to him) and God has blessed my marriage with 3 kids, a boy and two girls. The boy (Junior) is the first child and Seun loves him to death.

Junior took ill recently, became anemic and required blood transfusion. The Doctors asked for his hemoglobin genotype and I said AA since Seun and I are both AA (we took the test during marriage counseling at the church to avoid the risk of having kids with Sickle Cell Anemia) and one of the girls had also been tested before, she’s also AA.

The doctor said he would still have to test, so they tested and when the result came back, it was AS.

I am in a dilemma; I have been told it’s not medically possible for two people with AA hemoglobin genotype to have a child with AS. My mind can only go back to Bayo because I am sure he is AS…he once told me back then, when he was pestering me to know my genotype. He said he couldn’t marry another AS because of the chances of giving birth to a child with Sickle Cell Anemia. Junior was born exactly 8 months and 3 weeks after our wedding but Bayo wore protection that night but then, I also read on the Internet that condoms are only 98% effective. I don’t even wanna start thinking that Junior is not Seun’s son.

What if…?

I’m so confused

THE END
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Picture Credit (c) MadameNoire
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental   

© 2013 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved