The Speck In Her Eye (Part 9)

The following 3 weeks were tempestuous; home had become a shadow of its old self...the weird thing was that my wife still made food every single day. She would dish the food, put them in the dining, and then go back into the room. 

I just couldn’t bring myself to eat the food…I was too scared to do it. I felt like I would be eating food cooked in her tears. She would pack the dishes, throw the food away and cook again.

I felt so bad…I tried many times to make peace and discuss the issue but my wife was not ready emotionally for the talk.

Each time I brought up the issue, she would just sit there and look at me without saying a word.

At a point, I drove to Ibadan in anger and gave my mum a piece of my mind but it only made things worse. She made a scene and promised to place a curse on me for disrespecting her; after all she suffered to raise me.

She kept telling her neighbors (they gathered as usual) that I was under my wife’s manipulation and I had “eaten her vegetable soup” (a saying that connotes being under a spell because of what one has eaten from the person that cast the spell).

Pastor Fred later chastised me for that. He said I had no reason to be disrespectful to my mother because of the position she holds in my life and the promises of God attached to honoring our parents.

He said I was just looking for someone to blame for my own errors but I still didn’t agree…as far as I was concerned, all my mum had to do was keep it between us.

Pastor Fred’s office had become a must-visit for me because of encouragement and strength that I drew from talking to him. It was on one of those evenings that he confided in me that Funmi had almost moved out of the house but he had to intervene and put his foot down…he had to play his father card.

“Every day I spend in the house feels like being confined to a room with someone that stabbed you and almost killed you. Every time I see Niran, it opens up the wound and pain all over again. I know the Bible says to forgive but I need grace for this. It hurts so much…it hurts to my very core. I never knew anyone could hurt me more than my erstwhile uncle. I thought that was the height of pain and hurt…never knew betrayal could hurt more. The fact that he doesn’t seem to fully grasp or understand why I am hurt makes it even worse”

Those were my wife’s exact words when Pastor Fred told her she could not leave the house…he had to remind her of God’s word that says

“Do not pay anyone back evil for evil, but focus your thoughts on what is right in the sight of all people. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live in peace with all people. Do not take revenge”

To which my wife responded

“Daddy, I am not paying him evil for evil, I have no plans of taking or seeking revenge…I just want to walk away from him so he doesn’t get to pay me evil ever again. I will live in peace with him but from a distance. I don’t even wish him evil…I just want to be on my own”

Before that day, all I wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be…I wasn’t really keen on who did what so I had not given it a lot of thought, all I wanted was for Funmi to forgive me. After I left Pastor Fred’s office that evening, a statement, my wife had made while talking to him, stuck with me

“The fact that he doesn’t seem to fully grasp or understand why I am hurt makes it even worse”.

I saw Mummy Pastor’s car as I was driving into our street, she flashed her headlights to acknowledge that she saw me, and then drove away…she was obviously coming from our house.

I greeted Funmi as I got to the house, and she answered me but quickly moved to the room. She had not really spoken to me in a while…before this day, she would just nod her head in response when I got home and greeted her.

I went into my study and sat there for hours…I started to analyze and dissect what I did. It wasn’t long before the Spirit of God made a mess of all my excuses and the valid reasons I thought I had.

The Holy Spirit not only convicted me but completely broke me…I sobbed like a child.

For the first time, I saw things from my wife’s perspective and I totally understood why she was deeply hurt. I got up and went to our bedroom where I met her crying, I held her feet and just washed them with my tears. I didn’t say anything...not a single word.

She didn’t push me away this time; she just cried along and after a while, sat on the floor with me as we cried together.

She later placed her head on my chest, one thing led to another and that was how we reconciled.

In the morning, I turned and Funmi was not on the bed, I quickly got up to look for her and there she was, preparing breakfast. I couldn’t help but give her a big hug and told her how much I love her.

We ate together(first time in about a month)…that was when she told me how Mummy Pastor was instrumental to her willingness to forgive me. The woman had been on her case and talked to her severally about unforgiveness and how it can hinder God’s move in one’s life.

They had prayed and fasted together for 3 days that God should touch my heart and make me realize what I did.

My joy knew no bounds but I still didn’t know how to bring up my mum’s issue…I was still thinking of how to start the conversation or the exact words to use when Funmi asked

“So what exactly did you tell Mama?”

I had to explain everything all over again, she obviously wasn’t listening to what I thought I said the day this started.

Funmi then reminded me of how she had wanted us to visit a fertility doctor but I declined.

Long story short, we scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist and after 3 visits it was discovered that I was the one with infertility issues

“That’s impossible” I shouted at the doctor 

“How can you be sure?” The doctor asked

I then had to tell the story of how my girlfriend back in the university had gotten pregnant for me but we aborted it.

The doctor asked again how I could be sure I was responsible for that pregnancy.

I was a little angry, but that was not even important at that time… so I told her it had to be me because the girl was a virgin when I met her and I was her only boyfriend. It was the abortion that actually caused the break up. She just could not forgive herself and saw me as the devil so we went our separate ways.

Funmi was just looking at me like she was meeting me for the first time…she did not say a word. I wondered what was going through her mind.

“That being said, infertility may creep in at any point in a man’s life. So getting a woman pregnant at one point in a man’s life is not a true test of his present or future fertility” the Doctor said and that drove the message home.

She went on to explain the different causes of infertility in a man…I didn’t even know that wearing clothing that is too tight or swimming or bathing in hot water can increase a man’s risk.

Then she talked about untreated venereal diseases especially Gonorrhea and how it may cause infertility.

My heart skipped a bit when she mentioned Gonorrhea…I became uneasy that even my wife noticed. I then asked the doctor to help defined “untreated”

She gave a lecture on the disease but the part that bothered me was when she said “It is important for someone infected to take all of their antibiotics even if they think they have gotten better”.

“What’s it to you…how does this concern you Niran?” my wife finally asked

I had to delve into my hitherto hidden past…I told the story of how I had contracted Gonorrhea from another girlfriend of mine after the pregnant one left me. I didn’t know what was happening but I just kept feeling a burning sensation when I tried to urinate.

I opened up to a friend (a Medical student) and he told me it sounded like a VD. He advised me to buy some antibiotics and told to take them for about 7 days. I was a little broke and the medication was not that cheap, so when I felt better around the 4^th day, I discontinued and completely forgot about the disease.

“I guess we know where to start looking…we’ll run some more tests and know how to tackle this” said the doctor

I felt so ashamed as we left the hospital…it wasn’t the disease, it was how my mum and her prophet were kinda right but we were all barking at the wrong tree.

My wife did not say anything…I could see tears in her eyes as we drove home. I really appreciated the way she handled it, she could have said many things but I could tell she was painfully killing the thoughts and the urge.

As soon as we got home, I apologized again and promised to square thing up with my mum…leaving nothing hidden anymore. My wife told me not to tell anyone what we were told but instead, we should just be prayerful and hope for a solution.

I told her I would tell Pastor Fred but she objected as well

“People already know too much about our lives and marriage already, let’s focus on the One who has a solution. I believe He will see us through” She said

It was later confirmed that there was low sperm count due to epididymal obstruction and it was traceable to the “untreated” Gonorrhea.

Good news was it was still treatable but we had to do something fast.

I had to travel abroad for a surgery they called "testicular biopsy"

Funmi is currently 6 months pregnant and I couldn’t be happier. She found a way to fix things between her and my mum. As a matter of fact, it was my mum that first told us she dreamt that Funmi became pregnant.

I just bought her ticket to travel to the United States to deliver the baby and I thought about how we got here.

I was busy focusing on the speck in her eye when there was a plank in mine


All I can do is thank God for helping me save my marriage…


 PART 8                                                                                                                THE END

 Picture Credit (c) MadameNore
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental   

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

When Raising Children...

When raising children...

• Learn what works for each child
• Never compare your children (with their siblings or other kids)
• Remember that every child has a unique thing that makes them special...so your "straight A" students shouldn't automatically be considered the best
• Learn to give your children a break, don't be a perfectionist in the area of parenthood...unless you are trying to raise robots
• Don't demand/expect flawlessness..remember you had areas you also struggled with as a child
• Know when to overlook things...you'll save yourself a lot of stress
• Learn to separate process from patterns...there are things that a child MUST go through
• Never let anything or anyone (including you) eat at your child's self-esteem, it's easy to destroy but difficult to build
• When it comes to your child, know what to share with people and what to share with God ONLY
• Morals come first...don't raise rude/disrespectful geniuses
• Above all, train your children...not just with the words of your mouth but with your character. You can say all you want, a child will do what they see you do 

#GetParentingRight #TrainUpAChild

Picture Credit (c) Philadelphia Church of God

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

 

The Speck In Her Eye (Part 8)

I had a business meeting with some new clients the following day and it lasted longer than I had anticipated. By the time I was done, I saw that my wife had called severally while the phone was just sitting in my briefcase.

I usually don’t give my cellphone (yes, I have just one) to my secretary and Funmi hardly called the office lines to talk to me. I quickly called her back but her phone was switched off. I figured I would see her at home and find out what the issue was.

As I was driving home, I remembered she had told me she was travelling to Ijebu-Ode with her “mum” for some women’s conference thing…I had completely forgotten and I didn’t even check on her all day. I stopped at a store on the way and got her a little gift and a card to make my apology easier.

I got home and my wife was not in the living room…I knew she was home because the other cars were in the garage. I could tell there was something wrong…my wife usually met me at the door every single day, she would take my briefcase and give me a peck, then usher me in. I called out her name but there was no response…her phone was on the dining table…likewise her bag. I went upstairs and there she was, in the room, on the bed, eyes red and swollen. I rushed to her and asked what happened…I wanted to hold her but she shrugged me off (First time ever).

“How could you Niran? How could you?” she screamed

I was a little puzzled…could she be angry because I didn’t pick her calls?
I knew I had not done anything bad and I would never cheat on my wife so what could I have done to warrant this drama?

Then I heard that my wife, after her Ijebu-Ode engagement, felt in her spirit to visit my mother in Ibadan. She had called her over and over but my mum did not pick up; neither did she return her calls so my wife decided to go see her to apologize for what happened the last time (that was when she started calling me at work but I didn’t pick up).

She went anyway, and before she could even state why she was there, my mum went ballistic on her.

“So you have finally gotten off your high horse to embrace real solution? Seeing there is nowhere else to hide.

My God exposed it all, what you thought you had hidden with your stupid husband.

His words say “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open”

For 7 years…7 good years, you were hiding behind a finger, when you could have shouted at the top of your lungs for help. We could have tackled this problem from the source but your spiritual pride wouldn’t let you

I reached out to you many times, like I would have done for my own daughter, but what do I know? After all, I don’t speak grammar like your pastors”

My wife was so confused that she had to ask what my mum was talking about

“Why are you feigning ignorance?

Doesn’t your own Bible say that only the truth can set a man free?

My son has been delivered from whatever padlock held his mouth shut for 7 years

He told me everything”

At that point Funmi was beginning to get the gist but didn’t want to jump the gun so she asked “What exactly did my husband tell you ma?”

“Since you have decided to ‘act’ innocent, I’ll give it to you straight. My son told me of the pregnancies and abortions in your teenage years. How you almost bled to death when one went awry.

Why then were you pretending like you didn’t know what the issue was or the root of your childlessness?”

“The witch cried yesterday, the child dies today…do we need a soothsayer to know that the witch killed the child?

I may not be as educated as you people but if there is a delay in getting pregnant after marriage and the woman has had abortions as a spinster…especially in the hands of quack medical practitioners; do we need the Wisdom of Solomon to do the math?”

It was at that point that my wife decided to leave…she was too shocked to even respond to the things my mum was saying.

However, my mum took offense and saw it as being ignored.

She went after my wife and kept screaming (maybe to attract her neighbors). She called my wife rude and attributed that to her not having parents to train her.

She said the truth was bitter and that’s why my wife could not stand it and had to disrespectfully walk away in the middle of a discussion.

Then she started asking her neighbors to help her appeal to my wife to leave her son alone and let him have children in life.

Neighbors came around with a view to intervene and help them resolve it but my wife just drove out of the compound and cried her way to Lagos.

Funmi poured her heart for almost an hour…and that explained the red, swollen eyes.

I did not even know where to start from. I started to apologize, I tried to explain what had happened the last time I visited my mum. I could tell my wife was not even listening. She had a cold look as she was trying hard not to look at me.

I had begged and begged for hours but Funmi was not responding and when I didn’t know what to say, I said

“Come on now, it’s not as if I cheated on you…”

My wife went crazy at the statement, I had never seen her like that before…it was as if she took a 15-minute vacation from her Christian faith so she could give me a piece of her mind.

Things escalated pretty fast and the house was getting really hot so I decided to talk to Pastor Fred and let him know what was happening. That was when I realized that he was aware of it already…Mummy Pastor had called to check on my wife to see how her journey went and if she was back in Lagos.

She actually almost travelled to Ibadan with my wife but had to attend to an urgent issue in Lagos; so they parted ways at Ijebu Ode.

Pastor Fred said he would have been the first to call me but was held up at a counselling session that took longer than expected. He said I needed to see him as soon as possible and that was how I scheduled the appointment for the next day…

It was the blaring horns of the cars behind me that snapped me out of my thoughts…the traffic in front of me had cleared but I didn’t even notice

PART 7                                                                                                                PART 9

Picture Credit (c) Fine Art America
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental   

© 2016 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved