He finally showed
up, he looked really unkempt…he gave some cock-and-bull story about where he
was for 3 days. I noticed that he came with another guy…his mum knew the guy
and thanked him profusely. I also noticed that his mum did not talk to him; she
did not even look at him…something seemed iffy but nobody was saying anything.
Baba T reached for the baby, his mum almost didn’t hand him over. She later did
but it was reluctantly...she kept while ‘eyeballing’ Baba T. We left the
hospital later that evening.
Some days after
that, my mother-in-law said we would be leaving for Nigeria and she had gotten
someone to change the tickets for us. We were supposed to stay in the United
Kingdom for a couple more weeks. I was still recuperating and was not happy
with the decision. She promised that the two of us would come back, with the
baby, to spend some time but we needed to leave. I thought maybe Baba T would
say something but he didn’t…he had been very quiet since we got back from the
hospital. We had not even had any real talk or conversation…he would only come
in the room, play with the baby, hold my hands and smile at us.When we got to Nigeria, my father-in-law was at the airport…he was happy to see us and he quickly took the baby. He looked at Baba T, shook his head and said “Ǫmọ ęni ò bá j’ọni à bá yọ (How I wish upbringing was all it took to mold a child’s character)”. I couldn’t wait to be with Baba T alone so he could help shed more light on what was happening. My father-in-law made Baba T ride with him while we got in another car as we drove to their house. I had thought we would be going to our house but we ended up at my parents-in-law’s house. Baba T’s dad literally dragged him upstairs and was yelling at him…my mother-in-law must have sensed that I was very confused
“Irú ìrìnkurìn wo nìyęn? (Who leaves his
family like that?) Let his dad deal with
him. Who leaves a wife that just delivered and goes away for 3 days? He is
married now, he should show that he is a responsible man” my mother-in-law
said
“Don’t worry about him, we will deal with
him…just take care of my grandson for me. We will make sure that it never
happens again. Let’s just keep this within the family. “Wèrè l’ará ìta máa pèé” (Outsiders will
not understand, they will blow it out of proportion)” she continued as she motioned
me to follow her into her room.
One of the maids
had a look that suggested she knew what was going on; she stood around and
wouldn’t leave. “Gbéborùn játijàti
(worthless busybody) get out of here”
my mother-in-law yelled at her and sent her away.
We stayed at my
parents-in-law’s place for almost a month…we even had the christening party there
and it was huge. My folks came over for the party and my mum asked if
everything was okay…she said I looked confused. I told her all was well and
that I was just tired. Laide also asked why we returned to the country sooner
than we had planned…I really wanted to tell her what happened in London but I
remembered my mother-in-law’s instruction and I didn’t want to be in her bad
books, so I made up a story.
While we were at
my in-law’s house, Baba T and his dad would leave the house and return together
every single day. Baba T would only play with the baby for a while then he
would go into his dad’s room...if he was staying too long, his dad would send
for him. Everything seemed strange but
my mother-in-law kept telling me not to worry, that her husband was simply
teaching my husband how to be a responsible man.
We went back to
our house and somehow, everything went back to normal. Baba T was back to his
loving, caring self but never wanted to talk about the London incident. He
would say “It’s water under the
bridge…I’m here now, that’s what matters”. I chose to go with that phrase
‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you’ so I let it go.
Baba T actually
took care of my family, my elder brothers got good jobs, after youth service,
because of him…the only person that got nothing was Brother Dipo and it was
because he didn’t want it. Even my mum got a monthly stipend…my business was
doing well and growing almost more than what my husband had projected.
It wasn’t long
before I got pregnant again…my mother-in-law was the one that told me to go
confirm it, because according to her…I looked like I was. True to her words, I
was like 8 weeks gone…she was super excited. I broke the news to Baba T and he
was happy too. In the fourth month of my second pregnancy, I woke up in the
middle of the night to drink water; Baba T was not on the bed. As I was about
to enter the kitchen, I noticed that the sitting room was slightly lit and I
could sense that there was someone there, I tip-toed and saw my husband
snorting some white substance from our center table. I wasn’t very exposed at
that time so I didn’t know what to make of it. However, I could tell it wasn’t
right because of the look on my husband’s face…it was obvious he didn’t want
anyone to see him. I gently backed away from the kitchen but inadvertently
knocked down a mug cup that was on the dining table. The sound jolted Baba T to
reality and he ran into the kitchen, the white substance trace still on his
left nostril…he could tell I had seen him
“What are you doing here? Why are you
sneaking around?” He yelled at me.
“Can’t a man have peace in his own house?”
He continued
I didn’t know how
to respond because I wasn’t expecting that reaction…he continued to yell and
scream; I had never seen him like that since I met him. I thought he was going
to hit me. It was the shrieking cry of our son (Junior) that made him stop…but
he was obviously very mad and went to sleep in the guest room.
He left for work
very early as well and didn’t eat breakfast…I really couldn’t tell why he was
so angry. I checked the sitting room after he left, to see if I could find any
trace of what I caught him doing, but he had cleaned the place up. I checked
our room and ransacked his closet but found nothing. For the first time since
we got married, Baba T did not come home…I didn’t know what to do. So at 11PM I
called his parents and talked to his mum. I told her what I saw and how my
husband reacted
“Ó se kíni? (He did what?)” My
mother-in-law asked
I repeated what I
said, she was quiet for a while and I could hear her calling her husband and
talking. I could only pick some words in their conversation. I heard my
father-in-law say something like “I’m
done, Babatunde ò lè wá pamí (I’m not going to let Babatunde kill me)”
My mother-in-law
got back on the phone and advised me to come over to their place the following
morning. She told me not to talk to anyone about it…she said she would take
care of everything and we would find him. I didn’t sleep all night and I left
for my parents-in-law’s house as soon as our driver got in.
When I got there,
I saw that maid again; she was looking at me like she wanted to tell me
something but was being held back…she had always given me that look.
I could hear Baba
T’s parents talking but as soon as I entered, they kept quiet. His dad said
they had tracked him down and he was at a hotel…the man was clearly angry, although
not at me. He said he had to leave because he had a very important meeting that
he could not afford to miss. He turned to Baba T’s mum and said
“Mo ti sè wọn tí mo lèse (I have done my
best)”
“These ones are my more important to me now”
he said, pointing at me (my tummy) and my son.
“He’s your son, these ones are my
grandchildren and I will not allow anything or anyone mess them up” my
father-in-law added, as he turned to his wife and got up to take his leave.
As soon as he
left, my mother-in-law started to beg me…she said I needed to be patient and
that Baba T had some issues that they were trying to fix. She said she needed
my cooperation to do this; because his father was at the verge of abandoning
him and had already threatened to cut him off.
“He is very smart and he is a good kid but
this is what bad company does to a kid…even one that’s supposedly from a good
home” she said
She begged me not
to share any of this with Laide or Bola, because Bola had a positive influence
on Baba T’s life and she didn’t want Bola to stop being his friend.
I told her I was
a little confused because I didn’t really know what was happening or why my
husband was angry. When she saw my naivety, she took advantage of it and
twisted everything…funny enough, I believed her.
They resolved the
issue and Baba T came back home, he blamed the stress for his erratic behavior;
I even apologized for getting him angry. He started to see a doctor to help him
with the ‘stress’ (that’s what I was told)…and it looked like the ‘doctor
visits’ helped.
When it was time
to have the baby, we went to the United Kingdom again but this time, Baba T did
not come with us. It was just me, Junior and my mother-in-law. My father-in-law
put his foot down that Baba T would not come with us. I even asked if my
husband could come after I had given birth but he said they would wait for us
in Nigeria.
I had another
baby boy, there was a little complication and I would have loved my husband to
be present…I needed someone to comfort me and someone I could yell at. From
that day, I started to hate the weird control that Baba T’s parents had over
his life and affairs. I wanted my own family; I wanted my husband to be the
head of my home and not his dad. I decided I would talk to Baba T about it,
once we got back to Nigeria.
We got back to
Nigeria, we still stayed at my in-law’s for a while…we had the christening
there again and I couldn’t wait to get to our house so I could bare my heart to
my husband. I could have told him at his parents’ house but there was no
privacy at all…his mum was always around, always trying to know what was
happening between us.
The day we were
moving back to our place…my mother-in-law called me and said “I’m sure you believe we are meddling in
your affairs; and we are too controlling, but we are doing it for the right
reasons. Kó lè dáa náà ni (We are doing it for your good)”
She went on and
on about how they know their son and thus, can “handle” him better than anyone.
She told me to tell her what was on my mind since we were on the same team and
wanted the best for Baba T… so I said
“There must be something I’m not seeing ma,
Baba T told me he’s made some wrong choices in the past but nobody is perfect
and I don’t think he needs to be treated like a kid to make him a man”
I
regretted making that statement…as I could see how it changed my mother-in-law’s
demeanor.
“Ǫmọdé ò moògùn ó ńpè l’ęfọ (a little kid cannot differentiate
between vegetables and herbs) I’ve heard
you, I’ll let you handle your husband” she responded. I could tell she was
angry, I tried to explain what I meant but she said it was okay and that she
got my message loud and clear.
PART 16 PART 18
PART 16 PART 18
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