Center vs. Part: Getting the Order Right in Marriage

There’s a difference between being a part of something and being the center of it. And in marriage, getting that difference wrong can cost you the very thing you were trying to build.

Many of us say “God is a part of our marriage,” and that’s beautiful - but here’s a truth we can’t afford to sugarcoat:

God doesn’t want to be a part of your marriage. He wants to be the center.

Because whoever or whatever is at the center determines the flow of everything else. 

The center holds the weight. 

The center defines direction. 

The center sustains the parts.

Now think about it...when your spouse is at the center of your life, even unintentionally, everything begins to revolve around them, their moods, their needs, their flaws, their approval. And while love certainly calls us to prioritize and serve our spouses according to Ephesians 5:21, they were never designed to sit in the center of our souls.

That seat is sacred.

ONLY God can handle the gravitational pull of our hearts. Only God can supply us with the kind of love, patience, grace, and truth it takes to love a flawed human day in and day out.

God at the center doesn’t diminish your spouse’s place. It secures it.

When God is central:

• You love from a place of fullness, not neediness 1 John 4:19.
• You forgive quickly because you remember how much you’ve been forgiven Colossians 3:13.
• You serve joyfully because Christ modeled it first Mark 10:45.
• You set boundaries with love, because truth and grace co-exist in Him John 1:14.

So, who should be at the center of your life as a married person?

God. ALWAYS God.

Who should be a vital part of it?
Your spouse. Your covenant partner. The one you walk with...not the one you orbit around.

Because no matter how amazing they are, they can’t be your God. And they shouldn’t have to try. That pressure crushes even the best of intentions.

.........

Practical Signs That God Is at the Center (and Not Just a Part)

• Your quiet time with God isn’t replaced by time with your spouse.
• Decisions are filtered through prayer, not just personal desires.
• When conflict arises, you’re more concerned with reflecting Christ than being “right.”
• Your definition of love matches God’s 1 Corinthians 13, not pop culture’s.
• You’re able to love sacrificially without losing yourself...because your identity is rooted in God.

.........

So can someone be both the center and a part?

Only God can be both.

He is the Center that holds all parts together Colossians 1:17, and yet He’s present in every detail.

Your Spouse? A treasured part. 

Your Kids? Beautiful parts. 

Your Ministry? A meaningful part. 

Your Career? An important part. 

Your Self? A cared-for part.

But God? He is the Center.

And when the center is strong, other parts can and will thrive.

Only Jesus can do that.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Marriage Works When You Work It

One can desire the best marriage in the world. One can dream of a love so deep, so pure, so unshakable that even storms bow in reverence. One can long for a marriage where understanding flows like a river and intimacy is as natural as breathing. But if one doesn’t work at it, all that desire is nothing more than wishful thinking.

Proverbs 21:25 (AMP) says:

"The desire of the lazy kills him, for his hands refuse to labor."

And Proverbs 13:4 echoes the same truth:
"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."

Desire alone does not build anything...not a home, not a career, and certainly not a marriage. No couple drifts into a strong, joyful, and lasting union. Strength in marriage is not a gift; it is a reward.

This is why I often say: There is no perfect marriage, but there are working marriages—because the parties involved are working it.

Laziness in marriage is like termites in a foundation—it slowly erodes what was once strong, leaving a shell that crumbles under pressure. 

Love must be nurtured. 

Communication must be intentional. 

And conflict must be resolved, not ignored. 

You can’t expect trust to grow if you won’t sow seeds of honesty. 

You can’t expect connection if you won’t invest time. 

You can’t expect intimacy if you won’t be vulnerable.

Marriage works when we work it.

Even Christ’s relationship with the Church...our ultimate model for marriage, according to Ephesians 5:25-27, is not passive. It is an active, relentless pursuit. Jesus gave Himself for the Church, sanctifies it, and nourishes it. That is the posture of a thriving marriage: giving, sanctifying, and nourishing.

So, what kind of marriage do you desire? More importantly, what kind of work are you willing to put in? Because at the end of the day, the kind of marriage you want is only as strong as the effort you invest.

Marriage is not magic. It’s work. And the ones who work it, reap the reward.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Emotional Immaturity: When Growth is Optional, But Consequences Aren’t

Emotional immaturity isn’t just about throwing tantrums or avoiding responsibility. It’s deeper than that. It’s an inability—or worse, an unwillingness—to stay regulated when anger, fear, or hurt show up. And let’s be honest, they will show up.

Dr. Frederick Haynes III lays it out clearly:

• It looks like dishonesty or withholding truth for personal gain.
• It looks like treating every disagreement as a war instead of a conversation.
• It looks like selfishness, criticism, control, manipulation, deflection, and stonewalling.
• It looks like refusing to apologize because you feel justified in your hurtful actions.
• It looks like calling others toxic while ignoring your role in the cycle.

Here’s the reality (and it's sobering): It takes two to tango. Dysfunction doesn’t sustain itself alone. Someone fuels the fire while another fans the flames.

But here’s the hope: Emotional maturity is a choice.

Apostle Paul wrote in 1st Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

Growth is not automatic...it’s intentional.

• Instead of dishonesty, choose truth. (Ephesians 4:25)
• Instead of treating disagreements as war, pursue peace. (Romans 12:18)
• Instead of manipulation, choose humility. (Philippians 2:3)
• Instead of deflecting, take responsibility. (Proverbs 28:13)

The real test of maturity isn’t how well you talk about growth, but how you walk in it. The enemy thrives in emotional dysfunction, but God is calling us to transformation.

So my question is: Are you still making excuses, or are you making changes?

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Can These Bones Live?

In Ezekiel 37, the prophet stands in a valley filled with dry bones...lifeless, scattered, and seemingly beyond restoration. Yet God asks him, "Can these bones live?" Ezekiel wisely responds, "Sovereign Lord, you alone know."

This vision was about Israel’s restoration but also serves as a powerful metaphor for marriages that seem beyond repair. There are unions so broken, so devoid of love, trust, and connection, that they appear like those bones—dried out, fragmented, and incapable of revival. But if God has declared life over a marriage, no situation is too far gone.

However, notice that the bones didn’t instantly transform into a living army. There was a process, an ordered reconstruction dictated by God’s word. In the same way, when God restores a marriage, He often does so in stages, with each step carrying deep significance.

Bone to Bone – Rebuilding the Structure The first thing God did was bring bone to bone. This speaks of restoring alignment and foundation. In marriage, this could mean returning to God’s original design—realigning priorities, rebuilding broken trust, reestablishing roles, and acknowledging each other’s place in the covenant. It is a time of reconnecting, reordering, and reaffirming commitment.

Sinew – Strengthening the Bond Next came the sinews, the tendons that hold the bones together. Sinews signify the strength and resilience needed to sustain a marriage. This could mean reintroducing communication, rebuilding emotional intimacy, and strengthening spiritual unity. Just as sinews keep the body from falling apart, these elements ensure that a marriage doesn’t crumble under pressure.

Flesh – Restoring What Was Lost The flesh came next, covering the bones and sinews. Flesh represents the outward expressions of love, affection, and care. In a resurrected marriage, this might be the return of tenderness, kindness, and the small acts of love that once defined the relationship. It is the rekindling of what made the marriage thrive in the first place.

Skin – Protection and Covering After the flesh, the skin covered them. Skin protects and keeps everything intact. In a restored marriage, this could symbolize setting boundaries, guarding the relationship from external threats, and covering each other in prayer and grace. It is a sign of preservation and commitment to maintaining what God is rebuilding.

The Breath of God – True Restoration Even after all these steps, the bodies remained lifeless until the breath of God entered them. This final act was the defining moment—without it, they were fully formed but still without life. The breath represents the Spirit of God, the very essence that revives, empowers, and sustains a marriage. A marriage can be structurally repaired, emotionally mended, and externally restored, but without God’s Spirit, it will lack true life. His breath brings love, joy, peace, and purpose back into the union.

Speaking as God Commanded – Choosing Faith Over the Obvious Ezekiel prophesied as he was commanded. He didn’t argue with reality; he spoke God’s word over what appeared lifeless. In marriage, this means choosing to believe God’s promises over the visible ruins. It is declaring restoration when everything looks hopeless, standing firm on His word even when emotions and circumstances say otherwise.

If God has declared life over a marriage, no matter how dry the bones are, restoration is possible. But it happens through a process—realigning, strengthening, restoring, protecting, and finally, being revived by His Spirit. Our part is to trust, obey, and speak as He commands. His part is to breathe life into what seemed long dead, turning brokenness into a testimony of His power.

What is God saying about that seemingly lifeless marriage?

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Silent Marriage Killers: Mobilizing a Mob Against Your Spouse

Marriage is a journey of highs and lows, love and conflict, unity and misunderstanding. But one of the most subtle yet dangerous habits that can erode its foundation is the tendency to run to friends and family to build a case against your spouse after a fight.

Saw a video recently - a candid conversation between a husband and wife in a car. The husband asked, "Why do you never complain about me to your friends after we fight?" The wife's response was profound:

"Maybe that’s the reason we are together for so long. It’s not like I’ve never done it before. Actually, it feels good to vent and get people to take your side. But over time, I realized that I was actually hurting both of you. I go to my friends, talk badly about you, and leave a bad image of you in their eyes. Meanwhile, I gather them all on my side. But somehow, you and I always end up fixing things. How would you feel as a friend?"

The husband paused. "Hmmm… betrayed."

And that’s exactly what happens. When we air out our conflicts to friends or family, seeking validation rather than resolution, we subtly betray the sacredness of marriage. We poison the perception others have of our spouse, making them judge someone who was never their enemy to begin with. And then - when the fight is over and love restores the bond - those friends and family are left with lingering bitterness that we, in our emotional moment, planted.

The Bible warns us about this:

• "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." (Proverbs 29:11)
• "The one who covers over an offense seeks love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17:9)

Of course, this is not to say we should suffer in silence, especially in cases of emotional abuse, domestic violence, or persistent harm. Seeking wise counsel is biblical (Proverbs 11:14). There is a difference between seeking help and mobilizing a mob.

One is about wisdom. The other is about pride.

Many times, we don’t share to seek godly counsel - we share to be the ‘good guy’ in the story. We’re not looking for healing; we’re looking for an audience that will nod in agreement, reinforcing our feelings while tarnishing the reputation of our spouse.

But marriage is not a courtroom. There are no prosecutors, no jurors, and no closing arguments. It is a covenant...one built on love, forgiveness, and the willingness to keep choosing each other even after disagreement.

The wife in the video ended with these words:

"At the end of the day, the relationship belongs to you and me. Who knows better than you and me in this relationship? So what’s the point of bringing in another person for an opinion?"

What a powerful perspective.

So, the next time conflict arises, pause. Pray. Seek wisdom, not validation. Ask yourself: Am I sharing to heal, or am I sharing to hurt? Because what you say in a moment of frustration may echo in the hearts of those listening long after you and your spouse have made peace.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

There Is No ‘Because’—Obedience Over Justification

A Christian woman once sat across from a preacher, venting her frustration:

"I’ve become mean to my husband... because he has been mean to me for so long."

The preacher’s response was sharp but true:

"Let’s stop at ‘I am mean.’ There is no ‘because.’ God doesn’t care about the ‘because’ when we do not follow His instructions."

That statement cuts deep. How often do we justify our actions with a because?

Saul had a because when he offered the sacrifice Samuel was supposed to offer (1 Samuel 13:8-14).

Adam had a because when he blamed Eve for his disobedience (Genesis 3:12).

We all have a because when we react in ways that contradict God’s Word.

But will God accept it?

Do Not Repay Evil with Evil

"Repay no one evil for evil... If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves..." — Romans 12:17-19

God’s standard for our actions is not determined by how others treat us. His instruction is clear: Do not repay evil with evil. When we react sinfully because someone else sinned first, we are no longer standing in obedience - we are merely mirroring the world.

When a spouse neglects, disrespects, or wounds us, the flesh cries out for justice. The temptation is to retaliate—to give as good (or as bad) as we got. But what does God require?

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." — Romans 12:21

This doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or remaining in a harmful situation. But it does mean refusing to let someone else’s wrongdoing pull us into sin. It means choosing obedience over justification.

What Should a Christian Do When Their Spouse Fails?

1. Respond in the Spirit, Not the Flesh - Galatians 5:22-23 reminds us that the fruit of the Spirit includes patience, kindness, and self-control. Reacting in anger or bitterness only feeds division. Instead, ask: How can I honor God in this moment?

2. Confront with Truth, Not Vengeance - Jesus never avoided difficult conversations (Matthew 18:15-17), but He always spoke truth in love. Address the issue with your spouse, but don’t weaponize your words.

3. Pray for Their Transformation, Not Just Their Punishment - It’s easy to pray that God punishes our spouse. It’s harder to pray for their heart, their struggles, and their journey with Christ. Yet, that is what love does (Luke 6:27-28).

4. Set Boundaries, Not Traps - If your spouse’s actions are harming the marriage, biblical wisdom calls for boundaries (Proverbs 4:23). However, boundaries should guide them toward righteousness, not trap them in a cycle of shame and guilt.

No ‘Because’—Just Obedience

When we stand before God, He won’t ask, “But what did your spouse do first?” He will ask if we obeyed His Word.

"If you love me, keep my commands." — John 14:15

There is no ‘because.’ There is only obedience. Will we choose it?

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Intimacy or Manipulation? The Thin Line in Conflict Resolution

Social media is filled with videos captioned: How I apologize to my husband when he’s mad at me. You’ve probably seen them - wives subtly removing layers under the covers, giving their husbands a very clear invitation, using intimacy as a shortcut to peace.

At first glance, it may seem harmless, even endearing. After all, intimacy is a gift in marriage, a means of connection, of breaking down walls, of reaffirming love. But let’s be honest...there’s a thin line between using intimacy to restore connection and using it to escape accountability.

Sex as a Shortcut to Reconciliation?

Marriage is built on love and commitment, but it thrives on trust and communication. Conflict is natural in any relationship, and how we handle it matters. Intimacy can be a beautiful expression of love and a way to draw near to each other after a difficult moment. But when used as a distraction from genuine repentance, it becomes a tool of avoidance rather than healing.

According to scripture, marriage should be a place of truth Ephesians 4:25 says  "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully...". Using physical connection to bypass difficult conversations may bring momentary relief, but it does not foster true unity.

The Difference Between Reconnection and Manipulation

The heart behind an action often reveals whether it is reconciliation or manipulation. Consider these questions:

• Is intimacy being used to invite reconnection so that deeper healing can follow?
• Has there been a sincere effort to acknowledge wrongdoing and make amends?
• Does one partner feel obligated to accept intimacy as a replacement for an actual apology?

A biblical approach to conflict doesn’t sweep things under the carpet of orgasms. True love seeks to repair, not just reset. 1 Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love "does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." Real connection comes when we walk in honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Accountability: A Sign of Maturity in Marriage

A heart that values the relationship will embrace accountability. It will seek to make things right, not just make things quiet. Apologizing with words, taking responsibility, and genuinely working toward understanding shows a desire for growth. Intimacy is then restored as an overflow of that unity, rather than a Band-Aid/Plaster covering an unresolved issue.

Marriage was never meant to be built on performance-based acceptance. True oneness - spiritually, emotionally, and physically - flourishes when both partners commit to honesty, vulnerability, and accountability. So let’s not confuse reconciliation with evasion. Let’s build marriages where both intimacy and integrity thrive together.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Marriage That Won’t Break Down

I remember this story from my childhood—one that didn’t quite make sense then but hits differently now.

Back in Primary School, my dad had this colleague—let’s call him Mr. A.

Mr. A owned a Peugeot 504 GL...back then, that was a car to reckon with. Clean, solid, prestigious. But what stood out wasn’t just the car; it was how Mr. A treated it.

My dad used to tell us, “That man never jokes with his car. At the slightest sound, a rattle, even the tiniest flicker of an unfamiliar light on the dashboard, he’s off to his mechanic.”

Things that other drivers, my dad included, would wave off as irrelevant, Mr. A treated like a full-blown emergency. Where most people would shrug, “Let’s see if it fixes itself,” Mr. A responded, “Let’s fix it before it gets worse.”

And you know what?

Mr. A’s car rarely broke down.

It ran smooth, sounded great, and aged beautifully.

Funny thing—some of his friends bought newer models, but none of them enjoyed their cars the way Mr. A enjoyed his.

Marriage is That Car

Many of us enter marriage treating it like it’s supposed to run perfectly—forever—without regular checks, maintenance, or intentional care.

We wait until things completely fall apart—until the fights are unbearable, until the silence is louder than words, until hearts grow cold—before running around looking for an overhaul.

But the secret?

It’s in the little fixes—the small, consistent, intentional acts that keep the marriage engine running smoothly.

A simple “I’m sorry” before pride has room to fester.

Noticing when your spouse is quiet—and caring enough to ask why.

Paying attention to mood shifts, to body language, to the words not said.

Taking time off autopilot to say, “I see you. I value you.”

Adding oil - appreciation, kindness, service...where things are drying out.

And sometimes, just staying back at the mechanic’s (prayer closet), asking God, “Lord, show me what’s off. Help me fix it before it breaks.”

Because the truth is...no marriage breaks down overnight.

It’s usually negligence, pride, and delayed attention that kills it slowly.

Scriptural Check Engine Light

Proverbs 27:23 says, “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.”

Marriage is one of those God-given flocks. You don’t just tend it when it’s dying. You nurture it daily, give careful attention—not because it’s failing, but because it’s precious.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily… so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

Daily—because distance creeps in silently. 

Daily—because what you don’t tend, you lose.

The Commitment That Keeps You Going

Loving one's spouse well doesn't need to be dramatic always. Sometimes, it’s as simple as catching the little things...before they grow big enough to break BIG things.

It’s commitment. It’s daily maintenance. It’s protecting what you vowed to build.

And just like Mr. A’s car...your marriage doesn’t have to break down.

It can run smooth, beautiful, heaven-on-earth kind of love...if only you pay attention.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Same Recipe, Different Climate: Marriage and the Spice of Adjustment

The first time my sister visited us in the U.S., she wanted to help with cooking while we were at work. That was a nice gesture - until we took the first bite of her rice and chicken sauce. It was spicy. Not the “Oh, this has a kick” kind of spicy, but the “Are you for real?” level of heat that makes you question all your life choices.

My wife burst out laughing because the same thing had happened to her years ago when she visited her sister in London. 

The culprit? Habanero pepper.

Back home in Nigeria, you could toss a handful into your pepper mix, and it would blend beautifully with the dish. But in the Western world, the spice levels are different. That same handful here? A recipe for disaster. My sister had followed the only recipe she had ever known - but in a different climate, it produced unexpected results.

Marriage is a New Climate

This is how many couples start out in marriage. We step in with habits, traditions, and expectations formed in the homes we grew up in. The way we talk, resolve conflicts, express love, handle money, manage chores—it all comes from the “recipe” we’ve always known. But then, we get married, and suddenly, we realize… “We don’t do that here.”

Many conflicts in marriage aren’t about right or wrong but about adjustment. What worked in your family growing up might not work in this new family you’re building. The problem isn’t the person - it’s the climate shift.

The Key Ingredients: Communication, Patience, and Grace

Instead of assuming your way is the only way, take the time to learn your spouse’s “recipe” and adjust together:

• Communicate openly – Don’t wait until things boil over. Talk about your expectations, assumptions, and struggles. “Come now, and let us reason together…” (Isaiah 1:18).
• Be patient with each other – It takes time to unlearn and relearn. Give room for growth. “Love is patient, love is kind…” (1 Corinthians 13:4).
• Extend grace – Not every “spicy moment” is an attack; sometimes, it’s just a difference in upbringing. “Bear with one another and forgive…” (Colossians 3:13).

Marriage is not about whose background wins but about building something new together. If you keep fighting over the past, you’ll never fully embrace the future God is calling you to.

The goal is not to bring in your old recipe unchanged but to adapt it for this new home—so that instead of burning each other, you create a marriage that is seasoned with grace.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6)

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Good Over Nice — Choosing What Lasts in Marriage

A couple days ago, while chatting with my kids, we stumbled on a truth I wish someone had told me earlier in life...and definitely before marriage. The difference between being nice and being good.

See, we often celebrate “nice” in relationships—polite smiles, sweet words, avoiding offense. But nice is not a fruit of the Spirit. Goodness is. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Nice can be driven by fear of conflict, people-pleasing, or temporary comfort. Goodness, however, is rooted in love, fueled by the Spirit, and anchored in truth. It's concerned not just with now—but with eternity.

I told my kids about Michael Jackson’s doctor. The man was nice—giving him what he wanted, easing his pain. But had he chosen to be good, he might have said no, fought harder, and saved his life. Sometimes, nice kills.

And it happens in marriage too.

There are moments when what your spouse wants from you is comfort—a “yes,” a smile, a nod. But what they need is a truth, a hard conversation, a necessary boundary.

It’s nicer to avoid the tough talks about finances, discipline, addiction, or faith. But goodness looks like risking discomfort to pull your marriage toward righteousness.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” In marriage, sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is wound lovingly—to say, “This path we’re on is not good, and because I love you, I can’t stay silent.”

Goodness says no when it’s easier to say yes.
Goodness confronts when it’s easier to stay quiet.
Goodness corrects when “being nice” might make you complicit.

And the beauty? Goodness is never without love. Because godly goodness doesn’t destroy—it builds. It heals. It protects.

The next time you’re caught between being nice and being good in your marriage, choose what lasts.

Nice makes you likable. Good makes you godly.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Car, The Dress, and The Heart That Hears

I watched a video recently—a man speaking calmly about modesty, marriage, and the quiet responsibility a husband carries.

He made an analogy: “Imagine parking a luxury car in a shady neighborhood, windows down, keys in the ignition—and expecting no vandal. It’s not about the car being expensive or attractive. It’s about knowing the world we live in.”

He wasn’t shouting. He wasn’t blaming. He simply said—“A husband isn’t insecure when he asks his wife to be mindful of how she dresses. He’s invested. And a man protects what he’s invested in.”

Simple, right?
Yet the comment section exploded.
"Why blame us for men who can’t control themselves?"
"So, it’s always the woman’s fault?"
"Teach men to behave!"

Majority heard the words—but didn’t listen to the heart.
Because that’s what many of us do. In marriage. In relationships. In conversations that touch sore spots—we hear enough to react, but rarely listen deep enough to understand.

What if we really listened?

What if we stopped the mental rebuttals and leaned in—not to defend our position, but to understand our partner’s heart?

Because that man, in that video, wasn’t endorsing bad behavior from men. He was simply saying—“We live in a world where some men misbehave. And because I love you, I care about what may expose you to that.”

The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
Love protects. Love sees the world as it is, not just as it should be. Love says—“I know what’s out there, and while I trust you, I can’t trust the world with you.”

And wives? The same scripture calls us to submit—not to oppression, but to a love that seeks to cover, to shield, to preserve.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

But how can submission work if listening is absent?
How can protection feel like love, if every conversation turns into a debate?
How do we build marriages that thrive if we are too busy responding instead of understanding?

There’s a reason James said—
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19 NLT)

Quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to anger.
That’s how communication fulfills its purpose. That’s how marriages thrive.

The truth from what the man said?

Being beautiful, feeling sexy, being confident—none of that is wrong.
But hypersexualizing yourself, especially when your covering isn’t there, is unwise. Not because your husband is insecure, but because the world is broken. And it’s not your fault—but wisdom says, “If the lion is loose, don’t go tempting fate just to prove you’re not prey.”

Because marriage is not about proving points. It’s about protecting what you’re building. Together.

So maybe, the next time that conversation comes up, pause.
Listen.
Not to respond, but to understand.

There’s a difference between control and care.
One stifles. The other covers.
And when you truly listen, you’ll know which one your spouse is offering.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

MOTIVATION vs. INSPIRATION IN MARRIAGE — SHOULD I HAVE TO MOTIVATE MY SPOUSE TO DO RIGHT?

Motivation is external. Inspiration is internal.

Motivation pushes you. Inspiration pulls you.

Motivation says, “You have to.” Inspiration says, “I want to.”

Some spouses are inspired to love right, serve right, forgive right, do right...simply because they see it as their reasonable service unto God. They get it. They get that marriage is ministry. They get that loving their spouse well is a reflection of loving God well. So, they don’t need reminders or pep talks; they move from a place of inspiration.

But some...as a matter of fact, many don’t fall into that category. I totally get it, life happens. Feelings fade. Offenses pile. Pride creeps. Hearts grow cold. In such seasons, we just don’t feel inspired, so we need motivation...that extra nudge to do the right thing.

Should I Have to Motivate My Spouse to Do Right?

In a perfect world, no. But we don’t live in a perfect world.

We live in a world where even the strongest hearts need a reminder. Even David, a man after God’s own heart, had to find motivation by “encouraging himself in the Lord” (1 Samuel 30:6).

If David needed motivation, your spouse might too.

And yes—you will too.

Marriage isn’t a contest of who’s more righteous or who gets it first. It’s a covenant of covering...covering each other’s weaknesses until inspiration flows again.

So, the real question isn’t, “Should I have to?” but “Am I willing to?”

Am I willing to love my spouse enough to help them become better, even when they’re not acting right? Am I willing to be the reason they rise, not the reason they shrink further?

How Do I Motivate My Spouse to Be Better?

It’s simple, but it’s HARD: By being better yourself.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives...” (1 Peter 3:1)

It’s not the nagging. Not the sermon. Not the passive-aggressive silence.

It’s your conduct. Your quiet, consistent, Christ-like living.

Men, that goes for us too. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” (Ephesians 5:25)

Motivate by modeling. Inspire by example.

Do it unto the Lord—not because they’re deserving, but because you’re devoted.

But What If Both of Us Need Motivation?

Ah! Two unmotivated people in a marriage is how many couples slowly drift into being just roommates with rings.

Here’s the hard truth: If both of you are waiting on the other to lead, no one ever will.

That’s why marriage needs a third cord—God. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

When both of you can’t pull, you need Someone stronger anchoring you back to why you said “I do.”

Sometimes, it’s not about who gets inspired first; it’s about who runs back to God first.

Because God is the wellspring of both inspiration and motivation.

“For it is God who works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

You both need Him. You both need grace. You both need to stop expecting a broken human to fill a God-sized void.

Let me wrao up with this:

Marriage will test your capacity to love when you don’t feel loved.

It will test your ability to give what you’re not getting.

It will test your heart to see if you’re willing to be what you want to see.

Pray. Grow. Be better. Love better. Do better.

Because sometimes, you will be the reason your spouse becomes inspired.

And other times, they’ll be the reason you are.

But together, let your marriage be a place where motivation is seasonal…but inspiration is daily—because it is rooted in God, not in each other.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #Marriage Works

Monetizing The Sacred.

Na we know Bible pass.

Na we speak in tongues pass.

Na we holy pass.

Na we sabi grammar pass.

Na we know God pass.

Us... Pentecostals.

And yet, somehow…we are the ones doing the most disservice to the Gospel of Jesus.

We want Jesus—with a side of Mammon.

We want the Kingdom of God—but we also need a slice of this earthly kingdom.

We crave the crown—but refuse the cross.

We have commercialized consecration.

Now, it’s about money. Everything is.

People can’t even get God’s attention anymore without attaching a seed to their petition. We pray, but the envelope must go ahead of the incense.

The prosperity gospel—yes, we loved the mother. But now we’re stuck with the children: greed, entitlement, exploitation.

And somehow, the conversation has become—how much should it cost to have a minstrel lead worship?

Is anybody even asking how we got here?

When did worship become a paid gig?

When did singing to the God who gave you the voice become a transaction?

When did leading men into God’s presence start needing a price tag?

Very soon, ushers too will demand honorarium before they stand by the door.

They might as well.

Because this generation has mastered the art of monetizing the sacred.

If Apostle Paul were writing his epistles today, we would’ve published and priced them.

Each letter? A bestseller.

Each correction? A conference.

And the struggling saints who genuinely need help? They’d be told, “Buy the book.”

Where’s the heart of the Master in all this?

Where’s the place for “freely you have received, freely give”? (Matthew 10:8)

Yes, the laborer is worthy of his wages (Luke 10:7), but we’ve twisted that to mean worship is now for sale.

We’ve blurred the line until there’s no line at all.

Jesus was clear—“No one can serve two masters… You cannot serve God and Mammon” (Matthew 6:24).

There’s no middle ground.

Profiting from your gift was never meant to be about money. It was about edifying the body, building the Kingdom, reconciling men to God.

But we’ve become merchants in the temple—selling sacrifices at the altar, forgetting that we are supposed to be the sacrifice.

God help us.

No Plan B — Just Us, God, and This Marriage

Ever wondered what Adam and Eve’s fights must have been like?

Who did Eve run to when she got upset with Adam?
Who did Adam vent to when he felt misunderstood?
There was no “girlfriend” to confide in. No “boys' night out” to cool off. No in-laws, no neighbors, no therapist on standby.

It was just them — and God.

And maybe that’s where many of us are missing it today.

We’ve mastered the art of having escape hatches, emotional safety nets, and plan B’s — just in case this marriage thing gets too hard. We fight like there’s always a couch to sleep on somewhere else. We pull away like someone else is waiting in the wings to give us the attention we crave.

But what if we saw marriage the way God designed it from the beginning — as covenant, not contract?
What if we approached it like there’s no other option beyond fixing this?
What if — like Adam and Eve — it was just us and God?

Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
It wasn’t just physical — it was emotional, spiritual, and psychological. A we-are-now-one kind of bond.
No third parties. No exit routes.

Imagine how differently we’d handle marital struggles if we believed — truly believed — there was no one else to run to but God, and no one else to fix it with but our spouse.

Maybe we’d listen more and attack less.
Maybe we’d pray more and rant less.
Maybe we’d fight for the marriage — not just in it.

Because the truth is, every marriage has its struggles. Even Adam and Eve — God’s first couple — had theirs. One decision from Eve, one passive moment from Adam, and boom… sin entered. But what’s powerful is this: even after the fall, God didn’t scrap them and start over. He clothed them. He covered them. He worked with what was left.

And that’s what Christian marriage should look like — the consistent willingness to work with what’s left, to fix, to heal, to grow, to stay.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
It was never meant to be you vs. your spouse — it was always meant to be you, your spouse, and God fighting for your marriage together.

There are truly extreme cases where separation is necessary — abuse, unrepentant adultery, repeated betrayal. This isn’t about those. It’s about the majority of marriages where we bail out too soon because the world tells us there’s always “better” out there.

But what if there isn’t? What if “better” is buried right here… under forgiveness, under understanding, under choosing daily to fix it, rather than fleeing from it?

There’s something powerful about a couple who decides, “It’s just us. There’s no Plan B.”

That’s where intimacy deepens. That’s where trust grows. That’s where love matures beyond the butterflies.

Marriage was never designed with an emergency exit door. It was designed with a God who walks couples through the fire — not around it — and helps them come out stronger.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Contentment is Not Complacency — It’s a Gift in Marriage Too

We’ve all seen it—tall people secretly wishing they were shorter because the best shoes stop at size 10 😆. Short people praying for a growth spurt just to reach the top shelf without a stool. 

Dark-skinned folks spending fortunes on skin-lightening creams, while light-skinned folks risk sunburns chasing that perfect tan.

Plump people starving to be slim, slim folks eating everything in sight just to add a little "healthy weight."

The popular crave anonymity and privacy, while the average person just wants a shot at stardom.

Rich people would give away millions for some peace and quiet, poor people think money is the cure-all.

It’s almost laughable—how often we minimize what we have because we’re too busy yearning for what someone else has, while they are desperately praying for what we have but downplay. And sometimes, we carry this same attitude right into marriage.

The part of your spouse or your marriage that frustrates you today…is someone else’s fervent prayer point.

• That husband who’s always home and doesn’t like hanging out? Somebody is fasting and praying for a present, available man.
• That wife who “talks too much” and wants to know every detail of your day? Someone is crying to God for a woman who cares enough to ask.
• That simple, peaceful marriage you sometimes find boring? Someone is praying to escape daily battles and emotional warfare.

We don’t talk enough about contentment in marriage because we fear it sounds like settling. But hear me: Contentment is not complacency. It’s gratitude. It’s perspective. It’s choosing to see what’s working rather than obsessing over what’s lacking.

The Bible says in 1 Timothy 6:6, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” If that’s true in life, it is especially true in marriage.

Contentment doesn’t mean you ignore genuine issues that need attention. It means you don’t let your desire for “more” blind you to what’s already good. It means you recognize that while you’re envying the way another couple laughs together, they’re envying the peace you and your spouse have built.

It means remembering that no marriage has it all—but every marriage has something beautiful worth celebrating.

Marriage isn’t about constant comparison. It’s about stewardship. Stewarding the love, the peace, the friendship, the intimacy, the small wins—the parts working right now while you trust God to help you grow through the rest.

Proverbs 15:17 says, “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fattened ox and hatred with it.”
That’s the Bible’s way of saying peace, love, and contentment are priceless—worth far more than the “flashy” marriages you envy on Social Media.

Friend, stop salivating over someone else’s highlights and start celebrating what’s working in your own marriage.
Take stock. Pray together. Laugh together. Work on what needs fixing—but never forget to thank God for what is already whole.

Because what you’re downplaying today is somebody else’s desperate prayer.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Forgiveness in Marriage — Love’s Highest Call

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 

Forgiveness is one of the greatest demonstrations of love in marriage. Not because it is easy, but because it reflects the heart of Christ. Scripture commands us to forgive, not as a favor to our spouse, but as an act of obedience and love toward God.

Forgiveness is not…

• Pretending it didn’t hurt. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). God never asks us to deny our pain; instead, He meets us in it. A wound ignored only festers — but acknowledged and surrendered, it begins to heal.
• A sign of weakness. Forgiveness is strength under control — the power to let go of what we are justified to hold against another. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
• Saying what they did is okay. God doesn’t call evil good, and neither should we. Forgiveness is not minimizing the gravity of what was done, but releasing it into God’s hands — the perfect Judge. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
• Waiting for an apology. Christ forgave us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). Forgiveness is not earned, it is given. It flows from the grace we have received.

But does forgiveness mean I forget?
No. God’s promise to “remember our sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12) is not divine amnesia but divine choice — a decision not to hold our sins against us. In marriage, forgiveness means choosing not to weaponize past wrongs. It means remembering in a way that leads to wisdom, not resentment.

So, what is forgiveness between a couple?
Forgiveness in marriage is the constant, sacred decision to release your spouse from the debt of their wrong. 

It is the refusal to let yesterday’s pain define today’s love. 

It is choosing mercy over memory — not because your spouse deserves it, but because love compels it.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase consequences or silence boundaries, but it keeps bitterness from building walls where God designed bridges.

Forgiveness is the soil where grace grows — where two imperfect people become safe enough to heal, grow, and be fully known.

Let me wrap up with 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 

May we love this way. May we forgive this way. Because that is the way Christ loves us.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

When He Finally Opens Up: Handling Your Husband's Vulnerability God's Way

"Sweetheart, I don’t think there’s anything I can do to please you. You end up finding something wrong in what I did or how I did it."

Those words didn’t come out in anger.
They came out in a moment of rare vulnerability—raw, unfiltered, and from a place your husband may not visit often.

Men are wired to bear burdens silently. Culture teaches them to "man up" and hide weakness. Sadly, many Christian men carry this same weight into marriage—bleeding inside, praying their wives see beyond their silent service. So, when a husband opens his heart like this, it is not weakness; it is strength choosing transparency in a sacred moment.

Dear Wife, what you do next matters. Eternally.

1. See His Heart, Not His Words

“But God looks at the heart.” — 1 Samuel 16:7
It is easy to react to the words, to get defensive, or to explain yourself. Resist that urge. Listen with your heart, not your ears.
What is he really saying?
"I’m tired."
"I feel like a failure in the one place I long to be a king."
"I’m craving your approval, your admiration… your smile."

2. Don’t Fix. Don’t Preach. Embrace.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." — Proverbs 15:1
Vulnerability is not an invitation to fix him or quote scriptures like bullets. It is an invitation to sit in his heart-space, without judgment, without solutions.
Sometimes, the holiest thing you can say is: “I hear you. I’m so sorry you feel that way. I love you, and I don’t want you carrying that alone.”
That’s you ministering to him. That's ministry.

3. Honor Him With Your Words

"Her husband…praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'" — Proverbs 31:28-29
Words build or break a man. Your husband carries the weight of the world—work, provision, fatherhood, leadership. What if home became his refuge, not another battlefield?
Ask God for the grace to see what he gets right and say it often (Be intentional).
"I see how hard you try."
"I love how you show up for us."
"Thank you for leading us."

4. Pray For Him, Not About Him

There’s a HUGE difference. Praying about him sounds like: “Lord, fix him, change him, help him…”
Praying for him sounds like: “Father, strengthen my husband. Remind him he’s enough. Let him feel heaven’s applause even when mine is lacking.”

"The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." — James 5:16

5. Build a Marriage Where Vulnerability is Safe

Your husband won’t always use words. Sometimes vulnerability shows up in frustration, silence, or even retreat. Watch closely. Lean in.
Let him know—by word and by action—that his heart is safe with you.

Because the truth is…
The man who dares to say, “I feel like I can’t please you,” is not trying to fight you.
He’s fighting the voice that tells him: “You’re not enough."

Be the voice that silences that lie.

Marriage was never designed to be a competition of who carries more or who hurts more. It is a covenant where we cover each other. Where his weakness is not your victory dance but your prayer point. Where his vulnerability is not ammunition, but sacred ground.

"Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Let him fall…into your arms, into your grace, into your prayers.
And together, rise.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Silent Marriage Killers: Defensiveness

"I only did that because you..."

"Well, you do the same thing!"
"It's not a big deal, you're overreacting."
"You always find fault with me!"
"There's no pleasing you..."
"I wouldn’t have said that if you hadn’t..."

Sound familiar? 

These are some classic defensive responses in marriage—quick deflections, justifications, or counterattacks when we're called out on something. Instead of acknowledging a mistake, we instinctively shield ourselves, shifting blame or minimizing the issue.

At its core, defensiveness is pride in disguise. It says, "I can't be wrong because my actions made sense to me." It resists correction, making excuses instead of seeking growth. But here's the hard truth: defensiveness stunts intimacy and breeds frustration. It turns a conversation into a courtroom, where both spouses fight to be "right" rather than to be reconciled.

Why do we get defensive?

• Fear of being seen as inadequate?
• Past wounds that make correction feel like rejection?
• A need to control the narrative?
• A need to be in charge?
• Pride that refuses to acknowledge fault?

But in marriage, love calls us higher than self-preservation. James 5:16 reminds us: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." True healing happens when we choose humility over self-justification.

Shifting from Defensiveness to Growth

1. Pause Before Responding – "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) Instead of reacting, take a moment to breathe. Is this about proving yourself right or making things right?
2. Acknowledge First, Explain Later – Instead of leading with justification, lead with understanding. "I see how that hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, but I understand why it felt that way."
3. Embrace Correction as Refinement, Not Rejection – "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid." (Proverbs 12:1) God uses our spouse to refine us. Every correction is an opportunity to grow in love, patience, and Christlikeness.
4. Focus on Reconciliation, Not Reputation – It’s better to be right with your spouse than to just be "right" in an argument. (Read that again)

A marriage where both spouses refuse defensiveness is a marriage that thrives. Instead of shutting each other down, they build each other up. Instead of arguing to win, they fight for unity. And instead of perfection, they pursue grace.

So next time you feel the urge to defend, remember: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6) Choose humility. Choose growth. Choose love.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Your Spouse Deserves More Than Leftovers

Many of us married folks only bring an empty tank home to our spouse. We give our best to work, friends, church, ministry, and even social media, yet our spouse gets the scraps—the tired sighs, the snore, the absent-minded nods, the 'headaches', the distracted “mhmm’s.”

Everything else fights for, gets, and consumes our energy, while our spouse is left with “Sorry, it's been a long day...I’m so tired.”

Of course, life gets exhausting. But when exhaustion becomes the norm—when one's spouse ALWAYS gets the short end of the stick—it’s no longer just about being tired; it’s about priorities.

Think about it: Should your marriage suffer to sustain relationships that could disappear in an instant? Is your job, your social circle, or even your ministry worth a neglected spouse?

Proverbs 5:18 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.” This isn’t just a poetic verse—it’s a command to PRIORITIZE your marriage.

Ephesians 5:25 doesn’t say, “Husbands, love your wives when you have energy.” It says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ didn’t love the church with leftovers. He gave everything.

Marriage isn’t an afterthought. It’s the one covenant relationship—besides your relationship with God—that’s meant to last a lifetime. Shouldn’t it get more than what’s left after everything else drains you?

It’s time to re-evaluate. Time to be intentional. Time to refill your tank for the one who truly matters.

Your spouse shouldn’t get what’s left of you. They should get the best of you.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Power of "Undo" in Marriage

I had spent two days crafting an article—every word carefully chosen, every sentence refined. It was shaping up beautifully. Then, an email notification popped up. I needed to respond quickly. A few CTRL + A, CTRL + X keystrokes later, I realized the horrifying truth: I had cut my entire article instead of my email text.

Gone. POOF! Just like that.

I would have screamed, but instead, I tried something: CTRL + Z. And with just a few strokes, my article reappeared...restored to its last known working state.

That moment made me think—what if there was no "Undo" option?

More importantly, what do I do in life and relationships when things seem irredeemable? How do I restore what feels lost—especially in marriage?

Marriage and the Last Known Working State

In marriage, there are words spoken in haste, actions taken in frustration, and moments where we wish we could press CTRL + Z and take it all back. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with a keyboard shortcut. Once something is said or done, we can't simply "undo" it.

However, what if instead of focusing on the loss, we focused on restoration?

Scripture gives us a path to finding the "last known working state" in our marriages:

1. Repentance (CTRL + Z for the Soul)

"Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out." — Acts 3:19

A sincere "I'm sorry" isn't just about words—it’s about a heart posture that seeks to turn back and realign with love and commitment.

2. Grace (Reinstalling the Love Software)

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." — 1 Peter 4:8

Just as CTRL + Z doesn’t work if we don’t try it, grace isn’t effective unless we actively extend and receive it. Love doesn’t erase mistakes, but it covers them with a redemptive touch.

3. Communication (Restoring the System)

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." — Colossians 4:6

Instead of dwelling on what was lost, talk about what can be restored. Open, honest, and grace-filled conversations bring healing.

4. Commitment (Backups Prevent Future Losses)

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." — Ecclesiastes 4:12

A strong marriage isn’t about never making mistakes—it’s about having safeguards in place: prayer, wise/godly counsel, and a commitment to always find a way back to each other.

What If There’s No Easy Undo?

Some things can’t be reversed with a simple keystroke. But just because something is broken doesn’t mean it can’t be redeemed.

God specializes in restoration. If CTRL + Z can bring back my lost words, how much more can God’s grace restore what seems irretrievable in our marriages?

“Behold, I am making all things new.” — Revelation 21:5

Maybe today is the day to stop staring at what was lost and start pressing into what can be rebuilt.

Even when there’s no easy UNDO, there’s always RENEW.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Be Careful What You Invite...

What You Invite into Your Marriage, Stays in Your Marriage

Marriage is a sacred covenant...a space meant for two, not three, not four, not external influences that neither spouse agreed to. Whenever you open up your marriage to something your spouse did not consent to, you don’t just bring in the thing itself—you bring in everything tied to it.

I recently saw a video, where on of the panelists addressed a woman who had cheated and wanted her husband to accept her continued relationship with the other man. Her response was profound:

"If the side dude has depression, you have brought depression into your marriage. And into your home."

This truth cuts deep because it applies far beyond infidelity. Whatever you introduce into your marriage...be it secrecy, external emotional connections, harmful friendships, addictions, or even unresolved family interference—you also introduce the consequences, the baggage, and the spiritual weight attached to it.

Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract

In a contract, terms can be renegotiated. But in a covenant, God establishes the foundation, and both partners commit to upholding it. Genesis 2:24 states, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

One flesh. Not "one flesh plus distractions," not "one flesh plus a side relationship," not "one flesh plus outside interference." The moment something enters your marriage that your spouse did not consent to, you violate the unity God designed.

You Bring the Baggage With It

If you allow inappropriate friendships, you bring emotional distance.

If you allow secrecy, you bring distrust.

If you allow unchecked bad habits, you bring frustration.

If you allow bitterness, you bring division.

Beyond the physical, spiritual baggage couls also enter this way. Just as Achan’s secret sin in Joshua 7 brought defeat upon all of Israel, anything you bring into your marriage in secrecy can bring consequences you never expected.

What You Surrender to, You Submit Your Marriage To

Whatever you willingly bring in becomes part of your marriage’s spiritual atmosphere. If you invite in emotional attachments outside your spouse, you’re welcoming emotional adultery. If you invite in destructive habits, you’re giving them permission to erode trust.

Proverbs 4:23 warns us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Guarding your heart also means guarding what enters your marriage.

A Call to Protect What God Has Given You

Be intentional about what influences your marriage.

Be transparent with your spouse about what enters your lives.

Be mindful that what may seem harmless in the moment carries lasting consequences.

If something doesn’t belong, PLEASE remove it. If you’ve allowed something in, repent and repair. Because whatever you bring into your marriage doesn’t just affect you—it affects the covenant you vowed to protect.

Lord Jesus, help me to be a gatekeeper over my marriage. Give me wisdom to recognize anything that threatens the unity You have ordained. Give me courage to remove anything that does not belong. Strengthen our bond so that nothing—no temptation, no distraction, no outside—influence can come between us. In Jesus' name I have prayed. Amen.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Listen, But Listen Well

Listen, But Listen Well

There’s an old saying that a wise man listens to his wife, lest he suffer needlessly. And there’s truth in that. Women are naturally intuitive, picking up on what’s unsaid, sensing shifts in the unseen, and discerning danger before it becomes obvious. Many a man has avoided disaster simply by heeding his wife's quiet warnings.

But wisdom is not a one-way street.

Are men not also intuitive in their own way? Can a wife not also listen to her husband and find safety, direction, and covering? Does all discernment rest solely with wives, or has God designed both male and female to see differently, yet complementarily?

In Genesis 21:12, God Himself told Abraham, "Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." Here, Sarah saw what Abraham didn’t—Isaac was the son of promise, and Ishmael, though loved, could not inherit alongside him. Abraham struggled with this, but God confirmed Sarah’s insight.

Yet, in Ephesians 5:23, the Word establishes, "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church." This is not about control but about divine order. A man is called to lead his home, to see ahead, to protect, to provide wisdom that ensures stability. Many times, a husband sees what his wife does not—danger in a business deal, the need for patience in a decision, the weight of long-term consequences.

The real wisdom? Mutual listening.

A godly marriage is not one where only the husband speaks, nor where only the wife discerns. It is one where both listen—to each other, and ultimately, to God. The man’s wisdom tempers the woman’s intuition. The woman’s discernment sharpens the man’s vision. And together, they navigate life with clarity.

So yes, men—listen to your wives. There are things they see that you don’t.

But wives, listen to your husbands. There are things they see that you don’t.

And above all, both must listen to God—because only He sees everything.

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." — Proverbs 12:15

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The True Test of a Child of God: Marriage

The True Test of a Child of God: Marriage

My wife has always joked that “only your spouse can truly tell if you are a child of God.” And the more I think about it, the more I realize how deeply true that is.

It’s easy to put on a spiritual front in public—lifting hands in worship, quoting scriptures, even leading others in faith. But the real test of our faith isn’t in the spotlight; it’s in the shadows of everyday life, where only our spouse sees.

Your marriage is the loudest sermon you’ll ever preach. How you love, honor, and serve your spouse speaks volumes about your relationship with God.

• Do you extend grace as freely as you receive it? (Ephesians 4:32)
• Do you love sacrificially, as Christ loves the Church? (Ephesians 5:25)
• Do you honor and cherish, not just in words, but in action? (1 Peter 3:7)
• Do you embody patience, kindness, and self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23)

Anyone can appear godly in public, but if your spouse—who sees you at your weakest, your most unfiltered, your most vulnerable—cannot testify to the fruit of the Spirit in you, then what does that say?

The measure of a true child of God is not in how well you talk about love, but in how well you live it, especially with the one God has entrusted to you in covenant.

So, before seeking validation in the eyes of men, ask yourself: Would my spouse recognize Christ in me?

Because at the end of the day, the person closest to you—the one who sees beyond the performance—will always be the truest witness of who you really are.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Honesty vs. Transparency in Marriage: Building a Love Without Shadows

We’ve all heard that honesty is the best policy, but what about transparency?

Honesty is telling the truth when asked. Transparency is telling the truth without being asked. Both are vital in marriage, but transparency creates something deeper—trust without suspicion, love without fear, and intimacy without walls.

Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed” (Genesis 2:25) before sin entered the world. This wasn’t just physical; it was emotional, spiritual, and relational. Their transparency reflected a deep trust. But after sin, they covered themselves—hiding, afraid, and exposed. That’s what happens in marriage when we withhold, conceal, or give half-truths. Secrecy breeds insecurity. Transparency builds trust.

Why Transparency Matters in Marriage

1. It Strengthens Trust – “The heart of her husband safely trusts her…” (Proverbs 31:11). When you’re transparent, your spouse never has to guess your intentions or wonder what you’re hiding. Trust grows effortlessly.
2. It Prevents the Enemy’s Foothold – The devil thrives in secrecy (John 3:20). Small hidden things—conversations, passwords, bank accounts, struggles—can grow into major issues. Transparency shuts the door before the enemy even knocks.
3. It Deepens Intimacy – True intimacy isn’t just physical; it’s about knowing and being known. When you share your thoughts, struggles, and emotions openly, your bond strengthens (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

How Do We Cultivate Transparency in Marriage?

Be Proactive, Not Reactive – Don’t wait to be asked. Share your thoughts, feelings, and even struggles willingly.
Remove the Fear of Judgment – Stop being "Judge McJudgy." Your spouse should feel safe enough to be vulnerable without fear of attack (James 5:16).
Live with Integrity – If something feels like it needs to be hidden, ask why. Would your spouse be okay with it if they knew? If not, it’s a sign to change it.
Keep Communication Open – Create space for regular check-ins where you can talk about life, emotions, and even temptations without shame.

Honesty answers questions. Transparency removes doubts. A marriage built on transparency is a marriage built on freedom, trust, and love without shadows.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Guarding the Gates of Your Heart and Marriage

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" - Provebs 4:23

Entertainment fuels seduction. You cannot be seduced by what you do not entertain.

The downfall of many marriages does not begin with outright betrayal but with SMALL compromises...seemingly harmless indulgences that gradually open doors to destructive influences. The things we give our attention to, whether thoughts, conversations, media, or even friendships, shape our desires.

The Bible says in 1st Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” 

A husband or wife who entertains inappropriate conversations, questionable friendships/relationships, or unchecked thoughts is creating room for seduction to take root. Before David fell into sin with Bathsheba, he entertained idleness, gazing too long at what was not his (2 Samuel 11:2-4). What began as a lingering look...we know the rest of the story.

Jesus said in Matthew 6:22, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” What you permit into your heart will either fortify your marriage or weaken its walls.

Guard your entertainment—what you watch, listen to, and engage in. 

Guard your conversations—flirtation and emotional intimacy outside your spouse are cracks the enemy exploits. 

Guard your thoughts—lustful fantasies, comparisons, or resentment will birth desires that lead to destruction.

Instead, entertain what strengthens love:
Feed your marriage with godly counsel (Proverbs 11:14)
Delight in your spouse (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Fix your thoughts on what is pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8)

Proverbs 7:4-5 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” And call understanding your nearest kin, That they may keep you from the immoral woman, From the seductress who flatters with her words.

Seduction does not overpower the guarded heart. A marriage that entertains righteousness leaves no room for destruction.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Do Away With A Quarrelsome Spirit

Not sure why Proverbs 21:19 came to mind this evening...it says: "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." 

It got me thinking...🤔 

There is a beauty that cannot be bought—the kind that radiates from a heart at peace. And there is a weight that no outward adornment can cover—the heaviness of a quarrelsome spirit.

Being quarrelsome is the default mode for some women but the truth is, it fixes nothing. It doesn’t resolve the conflicts; it escalates them. It doesn’t invite love; it repels it. A woman who carries constant strife in her words and attitude unknowingly strips away the very grace that makes her attractive.

Scripture says, "A gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in God’s sight" (1 Peter 3:4). This is not about silence...it is about strength. It is about the ability to approach conflicts with wisdom instead of wrath, with discernment instead of destruction.

But quarreling? It turns conversations into confrontations. It makes a home feel like a battlefield instead of a sanctuary. Even the strongest love can grow weary under the weight of constant strife.

There are better ways.

• Wisdom builds, but strife tears down (Proverbs 14:1).
• A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
• Patience and understanding bring honor, but quick tempers lead to folly (Proverbs 19:11).

The goal is not to suppress thoughts or concerns, but to express them in ways that build up rather than break down. A woman who speaks with wisdom, who navigates conflict with grace, and who values peace over proving a point does not lose her voice—she amplifies it.

True beauty is not just seen; it is felt. It is in the way a woman brings peace instead of contention, in how she speaks life instead of stirring strife. It is in the grace with which she carries herself and the wisdom that seasons her words.

A quarrelsome spirit diminishes, but a spirit of grace elevates. Choose the better way.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Passion Without Burden

A Passion to Teach Without a Burden to Study Is a Desire to Perform

The Bible says in Ezra 7:10 "For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the Lord, and to do it and to teach his statutes and rules in Israel."

There is a difference between those who teach because they are burdened by truth and those who teach because they are enamored by the platform. One is driven by conviction, the other by performance.

Ezra was not just a teacher; he was a student first. He set his heart—not just his mind, not just his schedule, but his very heart—to study God's law. He didn't rush to teach before he had immersed himself in the Word, lived it, and allowed it to shape him. His teaching was not a performance but an overflow of personal transformation.

But today, how many rush to teach before they have learned? How many crave the microphone but not the meditation? How many seek an audience but not the altar?

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they taught without transformation (Matthew 23:3). They could recite the law but failed to live it. They loved to be called “Rabbi” but were not burdened by the weight of truth.

Teaching is not a stage; it is stewardship. It is a responsibility that demands reverence. If we are not first students, we have no business being teachers. If we do not carry the weight of study, we should not bear the title of teacher.

Before you teach, ask yourself:

• Have I truly studied this, or am I just repeating what I’ve heard?
• Has this word transformed me, or am I only trying to impress others?
• Do I desire to glorify God, or do I crave recognition?

Ezra studied, then he obeyed, and only then did he teach. That is the order. Let us not be teachers who love the sound of our own voices but lack the burden of truth. Let us be students first, transformed first, obedient first—so that when we do teach, it is not a performance, but a pouring out of what God has first done in us.

Teach from the overflow, not from an empty well.