There Is No ‘Because’—Obedience Over Justification

A Christian woman once sat across from a preacher, venting her frustration:

"I’ve become mean to my husband... because he has been mean to me for so long."

The preacher’s response was sharp but true:

"Let’s stop at ‘I am mean.’ There is no ‘because.’ God doesn’t care about the ‘because’ when we do not follow His instructions."

That statement cuts deep. How often do we justify our actions with a because?

Saul had a because when he offered the sacrifice Samuel was supposed to offer (1 Samuel 13:8-14).

Adam had a because when he blamed Eve for his disobedience (Genesis 3:12).

We all have a because when we react in ways that contradict God’s Word.

But will God accept it?

Do Not Repay Evil with Evil

"Repay no one evil for evil... If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves..." — Romans 12:17-19

God’s standard for our actions is not determined by how others treat us. His instruction is clear: Do not repay evil with evil. When we react sinfully because someone else sinned first, we are no longer standing in obedience - we are merely mirroring the world.

When a spouse neglects, disrespects, or wounds us, the flesh cries out for justice. The temptation is to retaliate—to give as good (or as bad) as we got. But what does God require?

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." — Romans 12:21

This doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or remaining in a harmful situation. But it does mean refusing to let someone else’s wrongdoing pull us into sin. It means choosing obedience over justification.

What Should a Christian Do When Their Spouse Fails?

1. Respond in the Spirit, Not the Flesh - Galatians 5:22-23 reminds us that the fruit of the Spirit includes patience, kindness, and self-control. Reacting in anger or bitterness only feeds division. Instead, ask: How can I honor God in this moment?

2. Confront with Truth, Not Vengeance - Jesus never avoided difficult conversations (Matthew 18:15-17), but He always spoke truth in love. Address the issue with your spouse, but don’t weaponize your words.

3. Pray for Their Transformation, Not Just Their Punishment - It’s easy to pray that God punishes our spouse. It’s harder to pray for their heart, their struggles, and their journey with Christ. Yet, that is what love does (Luke 6:27-28).

4. Set Boundaries, Not Traps - If your spouse’s actions are harming the marriage, biblical wisdom calls for boundaries (Proverbs 4:23). However, boundaries should guide them toward righteousness, not trap them in a cycle of shame and guilt.

No ‘Because’—Just Obedience

When we stand before God, He won’t ask, “But what did your spouse do first?” He will ask if we obeyed His Word.

"If you love me, keep my commands." — John 14:15

There is no ‘because.’ There is only obedience. Will we choose it?

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks