True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

The concept of headship in marriage is often misunderstood and misrepresented, leading to distortions of God’s perfect plan for this sacred union. Let’s go back to Scripture and see what being the head truly means in light of God’s Word.

Headship Reflects Christ

Ephesians 5:23 declares, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.” 

But what does Christ’s headship look like?

1. Selfless Sacrifice: Christ gave Himself up for the church (Ephesians 5:25). His leadership wasn’t about dominating or lording authority but about sacrificing for the good of His bride. Headship in marriage, therefore, is a responsibility to serve and protect, not a license to control or command.

2. Gentle Leadership: Jesus never coerced anyone into submission. Instead, He invited people with grace and humility, saying, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Husbands are called to lead their families in the same spirit of gentleness and love.

3. Empowering Partnership: Christ elevates and empowers the church to fulfill its God-given purpose. Similarly, a husband is to nurture his wife’s gifts, dreams, and calling, honoring her as a co-heir of God’s grace (1 Peter 3:7).

What Headship Is NOT

True headship does not look like dictatorship or tyranny. Jesus explicitly warned against this kind of leadership:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:25-26).

1 Peter 5:3 says leaders are not to “lord it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”

Headship is not about silencing or dismissing your wife’s voice. Proverbs 31:11-12 highlights the value of a wise, trusted wife who contributes to the household’s success. Joshua’s declaration, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15), was not an authoritarian statement but a spiritual commitment rooted in unity and godly conviction.

The Bible teaches Mutual Submission

Ephesians 5:21 reminds us to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” While there are distinct roles in marriage, both husband and wife are called to serve each other in humility and love.

Jesus modeled this perfectly when He washed His disciples’ feet, teaching them that leadership means servanthood (John 13:12-15). A husband’s headship is most Christ-like when it is sacrificial, compassionate, and self-giving.

The TRUE power of Headship lies in humility and service.

A husband who leads like Christ will:

Prioritize his wife’s well-being above his own (Philippians 2:3-4).

Listen to and value her wisdom, as Abraham did with Sarah (Genesis 21:12).

Seek God together with her, reflecting the oneness and unity God intended in marriage (Amos 3:3).

True headship is not about demanding obedience or sending anyone to their "father's house" when there’s disagreement. It’s about reflecting the love of Christ, who laid down His life for the church, leading with humility, and building up the family in unity and love. 

I am reminded of this statement from a good friend of mine "Marriage is run by scripture not culture"

Therefore, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). That’s the standard of headship God calls us to emulate.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter ##DoBetter #MarriageWorks