Do Not Be Harsh With Them

Do Not Be Harsh With Them

Colossians 3:19 (NLT) says, "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." These words are simple yet profound, offering guidance that can transform relationships when applied.

What Does It Mean to Be Harsh?

To be harsh is to act with cruelty, insensitivity, or a lack of tenderness. It is the opposite of love, which is patient, kind, and selfless. Harshness can manifest in words, attitudes, or actions that demean, disregard, or diminish the other person.

Harshness wounds the spirit, erodes trust, and builds walls where love was meant to thrive. It ignores the call to nurture and cherish, replacing it with criticism, anger, or apathy.

Examples of Harsh Behavior

1. Critical Words: CONSTANTLY pointing out flaws or mistakes instead of affirming strengths and expressing appreciation.

Example: "Why can’t you ever get this right?" instead of saying, "Let’s work on this together; I appreciate your effort."

2. Dismissive Attitude: Ignoring her emotions or minimizing her concerns.

Example: "You’re overreacting again" "You've started again" instead of listening and validating her feelings.

3. Impatience: Reacting with frustration rather than understanding when things don’t go as planned.

Example: "You’re always so slow" "You always delay us" instead of calmly working through the situation together.

4. Cold Silence: Using silence as a weapon to punish or manipulate.

Example: Refusing to communicate for days after a disagreement instead of seeking resolution. "Shutting down" after a disagreement.

5. Unreasonable Demands: Expecting perfection or treating her like an employee rather than a partner.

Example: "You should know what I need without me saying it" "why can't you be like..." instead of lovingly expressing your needs and desires.

To “love your wives” as commanded in this verse means to be gentle, compassionate, and self-sacrificing. Love listens without judgment, forgives without grudges, and supports without conditions.

Jesus serves as our ultimate example. His love for the church is tender, patient, and enduring. He never condemns but corrects with grace. Husbands are called to mirror this love, creating a safe space where their wives can flourish emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

How Do I Avoid Being Harsh?

1. Pause Before Responding: When tempted to react harshly, pause, pray, pause again, and choose gentleness.

2. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in her shoes and consider how your words or actions might affect her.

3. Use Affirming Words: Replace criticism with encouragement and expressions of gratitude.

4. Seek Feedback: Ask her how she feels about your communication and actions, and be willing to grow.

5. Cultivate Humility: Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when necessary.

When husbands choose not to be harsh, they mirror Christ's love and create an environment where love thrives.

I pray for us, husbands, that the Lord helps us to reflect His love in our marriage. That His Spirit teaches us to replace harshness with gentleness, criticism with encouragement, and anger with patience. May our actions honor Christ and build up those we profess to love. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter