The Beauty of Thoughtful Disagreement

Disagreement is often seen as division, but in truth, it can be a gateway to deeper understanding. Thoughtful disagreement is not about winning an argument—it is about seeking truth together. It is the art of holding strong convictions while embracing humility, of speaking boldly yet listening intently.

When we engage in thoughtful disagreement, we choose curiosity over defensiveness. We ask, What if I’m missing something? rather than assuming we already know it all. We recognize that wisdom is often found in the tension between differing perspectives.

Love is not proven in agreement but in the way we handle our differences. We can disagree without dishonoring, challenge without condemning, and correct without crushing. When truth and grace walk hand in hand, even disagreement becomes a sacred space for growth.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Proverbs 31 Woman Part 2

A Portrait of Intentionality and Industry

Proverbs 31:12-13 (NKJV)

“She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.”

The Proverbs 31 woman continues to astound with her depth and intentionality. Let’s unpack these verses.

"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life"

This phrase speaks to the unwavering commitment of a godly wife to her husband’s well-being. But does this mean a life of servitude? Absolutely not. Rather, it reflects a deliberate choice to bring value, honor, and support to her husband through her words, actions, and decisions.

Her goodness stems from her understanding of her role as a partner and helper (Genesis 2:18). It’s not about being subservient but about living out love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). She seeks to build up her husband’s reputation (Proverbs 12:4), provide wise counsel (Proverbs 31:26), and maintain peace in their home. Her actions reflect her obedience to God, which in turn blesses her husband and their family.

To do good all the days of her life indicates consistency and faithfulness, even during challenging times. It’s a call to wives to rely on God’s strength to nurture their marriage and prioritize unity.

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"She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands"

This verse paints a picture of industry and resourcefulness. Wool and flax were essential materials in ancient times, used to produce clothing and textiles. Seeking these materials suggests initiative—she doesn’t wait for provision; she actively pursues what is necessary for her household.

Why wool and flax?

Wool represents warmth, protection, and durability.

Flax symbolizes refinement and effort, as it was processed into linen, known for its quality and beauty.

Her willingness to work with her hands shows her diligence and joy in her labor. It’s not just work; it’s purposeful and heartfelt. Colossians 3:23 reminds us, “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” Her work reflects her worship.

This speaks to women today: whether managing a home, pursuing a career, or balancing both, a Proverbs 31 woman approaches her responsibilities with intention and joy, knowing that her efforts have eternal significance.

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The Proverbs 31 woman challenges us to reframe our view of service and industry:

1. Do Good Intentionally: Seek ways to bless your spouse through acts of kindness, encouragement, and prayer. Doing good is not about perfection but about being a vessel of grace.

2. Work with Joy: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it as unto the Lord. Let your work—whether at home, in a career, or in ministry—be an expression of your love for God and others.

3. Build a Legacy of Consistency: Doing good "all the days of her life" is a reminder that consistency matters more than bursts of effort. Faithfulness over time builds trust, honor, and a lasting legacy.

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Prayer

Lord, help me emulate the Proverbs 31 woman in my daily life. Grant me a heart that seeks to do good, hands willing to work with joy, and a spirit that reflects Your love in all I do. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter #MarriageWorks 

Uncovering the Proverbs 31 woman Part 1

The Virtuous Wife: A Treasure Beyond Measure

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain." (Proverbs 31:10-11, NKJV)

This passage opens with a rhetorical question: "Who can find a virtuous wife?" This implies rarity, not because virtuous women do not exist, but because they stand out as treasures in a world that often values external appearances over inner character.
Rubies, known for their rarity and brilliance, pale in comparison to the worth of a woman whose life reflects virtue.

In marriage, a woman’s worth is not determined by her beauty, achievements, or possessions but by the inner qualities she cultivates: faithfulness, integrity, wisdom, and a heart rooted in God. A virtuous wife is not measured by societal standards but by her alignment with God’s will, making her an invaluable partner in life.

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain." Trust is the cornerstone of every thriving marriage. This trust is not blind; it is built over time through consistency, reliability, and alignment of actions with words. A husband safely trusts his wife when her character assures him of her loyalty, her commitment to their shared values, and her wise stewardship of their home and resources.
This trust leads to abundance—not just in material terms but in peace, unity, and mutual respect. When a husband trusts his wife completely, he can focus on his role without the fear of betrayal or mismanagement, creating a flourishing environment for the family.

A Unicorn or a Calling?
Is the Proverbs 31 woman a unicorn? The answer lies in understanding that this passage is not about perfection but a continual pursuit of Godly excellence. She is not a mythical creature but a reflection of what is possible when a woman yields her heart to God. Her strength, dignity, and wisdom are the fruits of her relationship with the Lord.
For modern women, the call is not to replicate every detail of her life but to embody her principles in ways that align with today’s realities. She serves as a model, not an unreachable standard, demonstrating that virtue and godliness are timeless.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the example of the Proverbs 31 woman, whose life reflects Your wisdom and grace. Help us to understand that true worth comes from a heart surrendered to You. Teach us to be trustworthy in our relationships and to embody the virtues that bring honor to You and blessings to our families. In Jesus' name, Amen.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Gratitude: A Cornerstone of a Thriving Marriage.

It’s easy to take kindness for granted, especially in marriage, where love and service should be mutual. But when appreciation wanes, the relationship risks becoming transactional rather than a reflection of Christlike love. The notion of “If they didn’t do it, someone else would have” devalues the act of service and the giver, dismissing the effort, thoughtfulness, and sacrifice behind it.

Should couples outgrow gratitude for the good they do for each other? Absolutely not. Gratitude is not a stage to pass but a habit to cultivate continually. The Bible consistently calls us to be thankful—both to God and to each other.

Biblical Foundations for Gratitude in Marriage
• Gratitude is God’s Will
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Gratitude isn’t contingent on the size of the blessing or the effort—it’s about recognizing and valuing the heart behind it. Whether it’s your spouse making you coffee or supporting you through tough times, expressing thanks aligns with God’s will.

• Gratitude Strengthens Love
Proverbs 31:28 captures a beautiful image of gratitude: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
Praise and gratitude breathe life into a marriage. When you thank your spouse, you affirm their worth and contributions, fostering deeper connection and joy.

• Christ Modeled Gratitude
Jesus, despite being the Son of God, never overlooked an opportunity to give thanks. Before feeding the 5,000, He gave thanks (John 6:11). Before breaking bread at the Last Supper, He gave thanks (Luke 22:19). If Jesus expressed gratitude, how much more should we in our relationships?

• Gratitude Protects Against Entitlement
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3).
When gratitude is replaced with entitlement, we undervalue our spouse's sacrifices and forget to honor them. Gratitude reminds us to cherish even the “ordinary” acts of love.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Gratitude
• Speak it Out Loud: Don’t just feel thankful; express it. A heartfelt “thank you” can uplift your spouse more than you imagine.
• Acknowledge the Little Things: Small acts of kindness are easy to overlook. Notice them and express appreciation.
• Pray Together: Include gratitude for each other in your prayers. This invites God’s blessing on your relationship and keeps your heart humble.
• Write it Down: Consider keeping a gratitude journal for your marriage, jotting down moments where your spouse’s love shone brightly.

A Final Word
Gratitude is both an attitude and an action. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, I value you, and I thank God for you.” It’s not just about the act but about honoring the person behind it. In marriage, gratitude turns ordinary moments into sacred ones, cultivating a love that reflects Christ’s love for His church.

So, should couples outgrow gratitude for each other? Never. Instead, let it grow and overflow, strengthening the bond God has joined together.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Two Shall Become One

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31, NKJV)

The phrase "two shall become one" is a divine mystery that reflects God’s design for marriage. It is not merely symbolic or limited to one aspect of marital union; rather, it is a multifaceted truth encompassing spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational oneness.

1. A Covenant, Not Just a Contract

Marriage is more than a legal agreement or shared living arrangement. It is a covenant before God, binding two individuals into a single purpose. Malachi 2:14 calls marriage a covenant, underscoring its spiritual significance. This covenant establishes oneness, but living it out requires intentional effort.

• Is it sexual intimacy?

Yes, but it’s more. Sexual intimacy is a powerful expression of oneness, designed by God to unify a couple physically and emotionally (1 Corinthians 6:16-17). Yet, oneness is incomplete if it stops at the physical level.

• Is it moving in together?

Sharing space fosters closeness, but physical proximity without emotional or spiritual alignment can lead to cohabitation without connection.

• Is it simply getting married?

Marriage initiates the journey of becoming one, but it’s possible to be legally married yet fail to live as one. Misaligned priorities, unaddressed wounds, or selfishness can keep couples from experiencing true unity.

2. The Power of Oneness

Synergy is the divine outcome of oneness in marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 illustrates this: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor...a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” When a couple is united, their combined effort, strength, and purpose yield exponential fruit.

Oneness is not just a blessing; it’s a necessity for fulfilling God’s purpose in marriage. Jesus prayed in John 17:21 that His followers would be one, as He and the Father are one—this same unity is God’s desire for married couples.

3. The Fight for Oneness

True oneness doesn’t happen by default; it’s a result of intentional effort and reliance on God’s grace. Ephesians 4:3 urges us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Couples must work to guard their oneness from the attacks of selfishness, pride, distractions, and external pressures.

• Daily sacrifices and forgiveness reflect Christlike love.

• Shared vision and goals align couples for purpose.

• Open communication and prayer build emotional and spiritual intimacy.

4. A Reflection of Christ and the Church

Marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:32). Just as Christ gave Himself for the Church to sanctify her, couples are called to sacrifice for one another, seeking each other’s highest good. This sacrificial love leads to a deeper, more profound unity.

How do I nurture intimacy?

• PURSUE intimacy on all levels. Be intentional about connecting spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

• IDENTIFY and ADDRESS barriers. Anything that creates division—unresolved conflicts, selfishness, or lack of communication—must be addressed with grace.

• PRIORITIZE God’s presence. Oneness is impossible without God. Make prayer, worship, and studying the Word together a priority.

As couples, we should do everything to become ONE because the health of our marriage is tied to our oneness. It’s not about losing individuality but aligning with each other in submission to God’s will. The journey toward oneness is lifelong and rewarding, producing joy, strength, and divine purpose.

May we all strive to live out this profound mystery in our marriages, reflecting God’s glory to the world. “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9).

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Restoring God’s Design: Roles in Marriage

"But if anyone does not provide for his own… he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." – 1 Timothy 5:8

God’s blueprint for marriage places the husband as the provider and spiritual leader and the wife as the helper. But what happens when this divine order is disrupted? When the mantle of provision is thrust onto the wife while the husband steps back, chaos ensues.

Provision goes beyond finances. It is about foresight, protection, and spiritual leadership. The Greek word for "provide" (προνοεῖ, pronoei) means "to perceive, think, and consider ahead of time." This calls husbands to think ahead, seek God’s design, and lead their families with love and intention. Neglecting this role denies not just one’s spouse but also the very faith one professes.

The comparison to an "infidel" or unbeliever is striking. It suggests that failing to fulfill this role denies one’s faith because God, as our Father, is the ultimate Provider. A husband who neglects provision rejects the very character of God that he is called to reflect.

The wife’s role as helpmeet, drawn from Genesis 2:18, is not about bearing the bulk of the work. It is a partnership designed to complement, not to carry what the husband has abandoned. When she struggles under the weight of misplaced responsibilities, it is not a sign of failure—it is a sign of imbalance.

Husbands, Christ’s love for the church is your example (Ephesians 5:25). Love isn’t just sacrificial; it’s proactive. It’s stepping into your role with urgency, humility, and love. If you’ve abandoned your mantle, the solution is repentance—not condemnation.

Let us restore God’s design for marriage:

Husbands, provide for your families spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Wives, be the helpers God has called you to be, not the burden-bearers of misplaced mantles.

Together, we build a partnership that reflects Christ and His church.


"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor." – Ecclesiastes 4:9

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Love That’s Better Than Wine

Ever thought of your spouse and couldn’t help but smile? Or felt that nervous excitement just thinking about them? Love has a way of igniting joy and stirring emotions deep within. Song of Solomon 1:2 says, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is better than wine."

Wine is often praised for its benefits: it supports heart health, sharpens memory, aids digestion, strengthens bones, and can even extend life. Yet, scripture boldly declares that love is better than wine—richer, deeper, and far more impactful.

If wine can heal the body, love does so much more—it heals the soul. Here's how:
• Love Strengthens the Heart
Just as wine improves physical heart health, love strengthens the emotional and spiritual heart of a marriage. Love fosters connection, softens hard places, and creates a bond that withstands the pressures of life.

• Love Sharpens the Mind
Like wine enhancing memory, love nurtures clarity and purpose. When love flows freely in a marriage, couples find themselves thinking clearer, planning together, and building a future in harmony.

• Love Heals and Restores
Wine helps with bodily ailments, but love goes beyond the physical. It brings forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace. A love rooted in Christ mends brokenness and creates space for growth.

• Love Sustains Life
Studies may show wine extending physical life, but love brings abundant life. It gives us something to live for, a partner to journey with, and joy that surpasses the highs of any drink.

How Love Benefits Couples
True love, anchored in God, is selfless, patient, and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). It creates a safe space for vulnerability, fuels dreams, and deepens intimacy. Love intoxicates, but its effects don’t wear off—instead, they multiply.

So, next time your heart flutters for your spouse, pause and thank God for a love that’s better than wine. CULTIVATE it. CHERISH it. Drink deeply of its goodness, and let it be a source of life, joy, and strength in your marriage.

Maybe we should dive deeper into things like
• How can we nurture a love that heals, restores, and sustains?
• What are some practical ways we can express love to our spouse on a daily?
Let's do that next week...until then

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks.

Are We Loving Wrong?

1 Corinthians 13:5b says  – "Love is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs."

When we read these words, it’s natural to wonder: Am I loving the way God intended? How can I not keep record of wrongs?

In marriage, love often finds itself at the crossroads of past offenses and future hopes. We say we love, yet find ourselves keeping a mental list of wrongs, ready to bring them up when emotions run high. This begs the question: Is what we call love really love?

God’s Definition of Love
The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 is God’s standard, and yes, it applies to all forms of love, including the love between a husband and wife. God’s love is patient, kind, and forgiving. It doesn’t carry the weight of yesterday into today. It seeks to heal, not to hurt.

But let’s keep it real—this isn’t easy. The human heart naturally gravitates toward self-preservation, which often includes keeping a record of wrongs as a defense mechanism. Yet, the call of love is countercultural. It asks us to let go, to forgive, and to choose grace over grudges.

What About Past Issues?
Does this mean we should never bring up the past? Nah! The Bible doesn’t call us to ignore issues but to address them with love. When past hurts resurface, ask yourself: Am I bringing this up to build or to break?

When you bring up the past in marriage, let it be for healing, not for ammunition. Don't WEAPONIZE the past. Let it be a gentle reminder of where you’ve been and how far God’s grace can take you, not a chain to hold your spouse back.

A Love Beyond Scorekeeping
Keeping no record of wrongs doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means CHOOSING not to let those wrongs define your relationship. It’s about BREAKING the cycle of anger and resentment, allowing forgiveness to lead the way.

Consider Jesus’ words: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). Even in His deepest pain, He forgave without keeping score. Can we, as husbands and wives, reflect that same love?

When you’re tempted to bring up old wounds, pause and ask: Will this build or break my marriage?

Heavenly Father, teach us to love as You love—without keeping score, without anger, and with endless grace. Help us to see our spouse through Your eyes and to choose forgiveness over bitterness. Let Your love REDEFINE how we love...in Jesus' name. Amen.

True love is God’s love. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter ##MarriageWorks

Beyond Functional: God’s Design for Marriage

Marriage is more than a functional arrangement; it’s a divine covenant designed to mirror God’s love for His people. While functionality—being practical and useful—is necessary, marriage is meant to be a life-giving relationship that goes beyond the basics of survival and utility. But what happens when a marriage feels like it’s “just functional”? And how can a couple move beyond that?

Is Marriage Supposed to Be Just Functional?

Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” God designed marriage for companionship, partnership, and purpose—not mere functionality. While there are seasons when a marriage may feel routine or transactional (e.g., raising kids, managing finances, or supporting each other during challenges), God’s design is for marriage to thrive, not just survive.

Are There Times We Have to Ensure It’s Functional?

Yes, practicality matters. In times of crisis, illness, or significant stress, ensuring the marriage functions—providing stability and support—might take precedence. However, if functionality becomes the norm rather than a temporary state, it can drain the joy and intimacy God intended.

How Sustainable Is “Just Functional”?

A marriage stuck in “just functional” mode can quickly lose its spark. Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” A marriage without joy or deeper connection risks becoming lifeless, where partners coexist rather than flourish.

Taking Marriage Beyond Functional

1. Pursue Intimacy with God and Each Other

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” A Christ-centered marriage brings depth and unity. Spend time praying together, studying God’s Word, and seeking His vision for your marriage.

2. Nurture Friendship and Fun

Song of Solomon 5:16 describes a spouse as both a lover and a friend. Find ways to laugh, play, and enjoy each other’s company. Shared experiences strengthen emotional bonds.

3. Communicate Beyond Logistics

Ephesians 4:29 urges us to speak words that build up. Move beyond discussing schedules and responsibilities to sharing dreams, fears, and spiritual journeys.

4. Invest in Romance

Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages delight in your spouse. Date nights, thoughtful gestures, and affirming words keep the romance alive.

5. Serve Each Other Selflessly

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition...rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Serving each other with love deepens trust and connection.

Father, in the name of Jesus, thank You for the gift of marriage. Help us to move beyond a functional relationship into a flourishing partnership that reflects Your love. Teach us to serve, cherish, and prioritize each other as You have called us to. May our marriage be a testimony of Your grace and goodness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter #MarriageWorks

True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

The concept of headship in marriage is often misunderstood and misrepresented, leading to distortions of God’s perfect plan for this sacred union. Let’s go back to Scripture and see what being the head truly means in light of God’s Word.

Headship Reflects Christ

Ephesians 5:23 declares, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.” 

But what does Christ’s headship look like?

1. Selfless Sacrifice: Christ gave Himself up for the church (Ephesians 5:25). His leadership wasn’t about dominating or lording authority but about sacrificing for the good of His bride. Headship in marriage, therefore, is a responsibility to serve and protect, not a license to control or command.

2. Gentle Leadership: Jesus never coerced anyone into submission. Instead, He invited people with grace and humility, saying, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Husbands are called to lead their families in the same spirit of gentleness and love.

3. Empowering Partnership: Christ elevates and empowers the church to fulfill its God-given purpose. Similarly, a husband is to nurture his wife’s gifts, dreams, and calling, honoring her as a co-heir of God’s grace (1 Peter 3:7).

What Headship Is NOT

True headship does not look like dictatorship or tyranny. Jesus explicitly warned against this kind of leadership:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:25-26).

1 Peter 5:3 says leaders are not to “lord it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”

Headship is not about silencing or dismissing your wife’s voice. Proverbs 31:11-12 highlights the value of a wise, trusted wife who contributes to the household’s success. Joshua’s declaration, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15), was not an authoritarian statement but a spiritual commitment rooted in unity and godly conviction.

The Bible teaches Mutual Submission

Ephesians 5:21 reminds us to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” While there are distinct roles in marriage, both husband and wife are called to serve each other in humility and love.

Jesus modeled this perfectly when He washed His disciples’ feet, teaching them that leadership means servanthood (John 13:12-15). A husband’s headship is most Christ-like when it is sacrificial, compassionate, and self-giving.

The TRUE power of Headship lies in humility and service.

A husband who leads like Christ will:

Prioritize his wife’s well-being above his own (Philippians 2:3-4).

Listen to and value her wisdom, as Abraham did with Sarah (Genesis 21:12).

Seek God together with her, reflecting the oneness and unity God intended in marriage (Amos 3:3).

True headship is not about demanding obedience or sending anyone to their "father's house" when there’s disagreement. It’s about reflecting the love of Christ, who laid down His life for the church, leading with humility, and building up the family in unity and love. 

I am reminded of this statement from a good friend of mine "Marriage is run by scripture not culture"

Therefore, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). That’s the standard of headship God calls us to emulate.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter ##DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Power of Agreement in Marriage

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" – Amos 3:3

Marriage thrives on agreement, not just surface-level consent but a deep, spiritual harmony that binds two hearts and minds toward a shared purpose. Agreement in marriage isn’t just about peace; it’s about power.

Scripture reveals this power when it says one can chase a thousand, but two can put ten thousand to flight (Deuteronomy 32:30). This exponential effect of agreement is a divine principle that magnifies our efforts, turning small victories into monumental triumphs. When a husband and wife align in vision, faith, and purpose, they create a force that’s not only unshakable but also unstoppable.

Yet, this unity is often under attack. The devil understands the stakes of agreement. He knows that a divided house cannot stand (Mark 3:25). He chips away at unity through misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and unchecked offenses. These small cracks, if left unaddressed, widen into chasms that separate hearts.

But agreement doesn’t mean the absence of conflict; it means the presence of intentionality. It’s choosing to prioritize the "we" over "me," even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s committing to reconciliation when emotions run high and seeking God’s wisdom when clarity feels distant.

Here are some intentional steps we can take to realign our marriage with God’s purpose. They will help in areas where agreement feels challenging. They will also actively protect our unity/bond from small, unnoticed attacks.

1. Pray Together – Make prayer a daily habit, asking God to align your hearts and minds. Pray for each other, pray with each other. It's hard to stay mad at someone you pray for/with.

2. Communicate Openly – Address small misunderstandings before they grow into conflicts. Nip things in the bud.

3. Stay 'Woke'– Recognize the enemy’s tactics and choose forgiveness over bitterness.

Unity is the glue that holds your marriage together and the fuel that propels it forward. Walk in agreement, knowing that together, you are stronger, more powerful, and equipped for every good work.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter ##BeBetter #MarriageWorks

Silencing the Noise: A Lesson for Married Couples

Who remembers the FOX interview where the guy said "when a man is married to a woman who screams like you they would want to die soon"?

The Bible says in Proverbs 21:19  "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife."

Marriage is a relationship,  a purpose-driven coming together, not a competition. Yet, in moments of frustration, it’s easy for tempers to flare and voices to rise. Yelling may feel like power in the moment, but it often silences the very message you are trying to convey. It drowns out love, respect, and understanding, leaving only resentment and regret in its wake.

A wise man once said, “Yelling is not a sign of intelligence. That you're louder doesn't mean you're smarter.” The essence of our words, no matter how valid, is often lost when delivered with anger or shouting.

As husbands and wives, we are called to communicate with grace and patience. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Our words have the power to heal or harm, to build or break.

Consider this: when communication turns into shouting matches, are we drawing our spouse closer, or pushing them into emotional isolation? Even in moments of frustration, we must remember that we’re not opponents in a debate, but allies in love.

Let us strive to speak with intention, not intensity. To listen more than we yell. To seek solutions rather than scoring points. Because a peaceful home is not built on the volume of our voices, but on the strength of our love and respect.

Reflection Questions:

1. How do I usually respond in moments of frustration with my spouse?

2. What steps can I take to communicate my feelings calmly, even when I feel unheard?

3. How can I invite God's wisdom into my communication with my spouse?

Heavenly Father, teach us to speak with kindness and listen with patience. Help us to build a home filled with understanding, not shouting. Let our words reflect Your love and bring peace to our marriage in Jesus' name. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

"Be Angry, But Do Not Sin" — A Marriage Perspective

It's a popular scripture - “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” — Ephesians 4:26

In any relationship that involves humans, anger is inevitable, even in marriage. When anger is handled poorly, it can fracture the bond between husband and wife. But Scripture shows us that anger itself isn’t the problem—how we respond to it determines whether we honor God or allow sin to creep in.

Anger that honors God? Sounds like an oxymoron, right?

To be angry WITHOUT sinning begins with humility. It’s a recognition that the goal isn’t to win an argument but to protect the unity of one's marriage. 

Here are some ways to express anger in a way that builds rather than breaks:

1. Pause Before You Respond: Anger can be impulsive, but James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Take time to pray and process before speaking. Not every issue requires an immediate response.

2. Speak Truth in Love: Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak truth, but truth delivered harshly can still wound. Ensure your words are seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).

3. Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Attack the problem, not your spouse. Avoid phrases like “You always” or “You never,” which place blame. Instead, use “I feel” statements to express how their actions affected you.

4. Forgive Quickly: Holding onto anger invites sin. Resolve to address and release it before the day ends, just as Christ forgives us.

While anger doesn’t differ between genders, the expression of it might.

Husbands may lean toward frustration when feeling disrespected (Ephesians 5:33). Their challenge is to lead with patience and love, even in disagreement.

Wives might feel anger tied to feeling undervalued or unseen. Their challenge is to express their needs without bitterness, trusting that their worth is rooted in Christ.

That sounded a bit complex...so let's try these practical steps:

Pray Together: When anger arises, pause and invite God into the moment. This shifts focus from blame to seeking resolution under His guidance.

Establish Boundaries for Conflict: Agree on “rules” like no name-calling or interrupting during discussions.

Seek Reconciliation, Not Retaliation: Remember, your spouse isn’t the enemy—Satan is. Unity in marriage glorifies God and defeats the enemy’s schemes.

Heavenly Father, teach us to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Help us steward our emotions in ways that bring healing, not harm, to our marriage and pur spouse. May our moments of conflict be opportunities to glorify You, in Jesus' name. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

Candor in Marriage II: When Honesty Meets Healing

Someone recently responded to my post on candor in marriage with a thought-provoking question:

"What if a person's spouse hates being told they are wrong? Wouldn't that mean, despite the best effort of their partner, they'd always feel hurt no matter how things are said? Should the spouse just refrain from pointing out what's wrong?"

This question struck a chord with me, and it reminded me of a story from my childhood. One of our pastors, newly married at the time, shared a deeply moving experience with my parents.

Early in their marriage, he noticed something unsettling—his wife seemed to be terrified of him. If he raised his voice, even slightly, or expressed any dissatisfaction, she would visibly shake. This troubled him deeply, so one day he sat her down, held her hands gently, and said words that forever changed their relationship:

"I am your husband. I will never hurt you. I am your safe space, and I will never let anyone hurt you."

Hearing this, his wife broke down in tears. Through her sobs, she shared her painful history—years of physical and emotional abuse while growing up as an orphan, living with family members who mistreated her. She carried that trauma into her marriage, bracing for the worst with every interaction.

The pastor realized something profound that day: Before he could address what was wrong in their relationship, he had to first help her heal from the wounds she carried into it. He embarked on a journey of reassurance—constantly reminding her, with words and actions, that she was safe, loved, and valued. Over time, her fear subsided, and their marriage flourished.

This story brings us to a deeper truth about marriage. Candor—the courage to speak honestly—is essential. But honesty must be coupled with wisdom and grace. Sometimes, what looks like resistance to correction isn’t stubbornness; it’s a reaction to deeper wounds. In those moments, our role as spouses isn’t just to communicate truth but to be a source of healing.

Marriage, at its core, is a partnership. And yes, there are seasons where one spouse may need to be the other’s “therapy.” This doesn’t mean fixing them or shouldering burdens we’re not equipped to carry, but it does mean creating a safe space where healing can begin.

If your spouse struggles to hear correction, ask yourself:

Am I approaching them with kindness and patience?

Have I created an environment where they feel safe, even when hard truths are spoken?

Am I focused on building them up rather than tearing them down?

Colossians 4:6 offers wisdom here:

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

In marriage, grace and truth are not opposites; they are partners. Grace ensures that our words are gentle, and truth ensures that our words are meaningful. Together, they build a foundation where honesty doesn’t hurt—it heals.

So, to answer the question: No, we shouldn’t refrain from pointing out what’s wrong. But we must do so with care, understanding that the goal isn’t to win an argument but to win our spouse’s trust, over and over again.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t just about being right—it’s about being a safe space.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

Candor in Marriage

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." – Colossians 4:6

Honesty is a virtue, but in marriage, it must be paired with grace. Too often, we justify rudeness or hurtful remarks as "just being honest." But honesty that wounds without purpose or healing is not candor—it's cruelty masked as truth.

True candor builds up, even when it corrects. It seeks to bring clarity, not conflict; growth, not grief. When I speak to my spouse, is my honesty guided by love? Am I reflecting the gracious, seasoned speech that Paul speaks of in Colossians 4:6?

Honesty in marriage should illuminate weaknesses while offering encouragement to strengthen them. It should express truths that bind us closer, not break us apart. When my words tear my spouse down, it's no longer honesty—it's hostility in disguise.

Dear married, ask for grace to choose words that heal and uplift, words that reflect Christ's love in our marriages. 

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

I can Outsource That

I recently watched an episode of The View where a conversation about women living without men took an interesting turn. Out of 12 women interviewed, only one admitted she could live without a man. This sparked a lively debate among the hosts, with one shading her husband and another admitting she "couldn’t live without her husband because he’s handy and fixes things." 

Cue the punchline from another host: “But you could pay someone to do all that.” It was funny, but also deeply revealing. It got me thinking: how many people truly understand the purpose of marriage? 

When marriage is viewed solely through the lens of utility—what we can "get" out of it—it's easy to conclude that we don’t really need it. 

After all, you can outsource almost anything these days: house repairs, cooking, companionship, even the semblance of intimacy. 

But here’s the kicker: marriage was never designed to be a mere exchange of services. The purpose of marriage runs far deeper than the practical benefits. It’s about partnership, growth, and commitment to something greater than ourselves. 

It’s about walking through life with someone who sees your flaws, yet chooses to love you anyway. It’s about becoming a safe space for each other, sharpening one another, and reflecting something eternal. 

 Sure, you can hire someone to fix your sink, but can you outsource someone who will pray over your soul during a storm? You can pay for companionship, but can you outsource the depth of trust that grows from years of shared joys and struggles? 

The tragedy is that many miss out on the richness of marriage because they approach it with a consumer mindset. What can they bring me? How can they serve me? When the question should really be: How can we serve each other? 

So before we reduce marriage to a transaction or a convenience, let’s pause and reflect. The things we can’t outsource—love, trust, legacy, intimacy—are the things that make marriage truly irreplaceable. 

 #DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

Do Not Be Harsh With Them

Do Not Be Harsh With Them

Colossians 3:19 (NLT) says, "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." These words are simple yet profound, offering guidance that can transform relationships when applied.

What Does It Mean to Be Harsh?

To be harsh is to act with cruelty, insensitivity, or a lack of tenderness. It is the opposite of love, which is patient, kind, and selfless. Harshness can manifest in words, attitudes, or actions that demean, disregard, or diminish the other person.

Harshness wounds the spirit, erodes trust, and builds walls where love was meant to thrive. It ignores the call to nurture and cherish, replacing it with criticism, anger, or apathy.

Examples of Harsh Behavior

1. Critical Words: CONSTANTLY pointing out flaws or mistakes instead of affirming strengths and expressing appreciation.

Example: "Why can’t you ever get this right?" instead of saying, "Let’s work on this together; I appreciate your effort."

2. Dismissive Attitude: Ignoring her emotions or minimizing her concerns.

Example: "You’re overreacting again" "You've started again" instead of listening and validating her feelings.

3. Impatience: Reacting with frustration rather than understanding when things don’t go as planned.

Example: "You’re always so slow" "You always delay us" instead of calmly working through the situation together.

4. Cold Silence: Using silence as a weapon to punish or manipulate.

Example: Refusing to communicate for days after a disagreement instead of seeking resolution. "Shutting down" after a disagreement.

5. Unreasonable Demands: Expecting perfection or treating her like an employee rather than a partner.

Example: "You should know what I need without me saying it" "why can't you be like..." instead of lovingly expressing your needs and desires.

To “love your wives” as commanded in this verse means to be gentle, compassionate, and self-sacrificing. Love listens without judgment, forgives without grudges, and supports without conditions.

Jesus serves as our ultimate example. His love for the church is tender, patient, and enduring. He never condemns but corrects with grace. Husbands are called to mirror this love, creating a safe space where their wives can flourish emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

How Do I Avoid Being Harsh?

1. Pause Before Responding: When tempted to react harshly, pause, pray, pause again, and choose gentleness.

2. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in her shoes and consider how your words or actions might affect her.

3. Use Affirming Words: Replace criticism with encouragement and expressions of gratitude.

4. Seek Feedback: Ask her how she feels about your communication and actions, and be willing to grow.

5. Cultivate Humility: Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when necessary.

When husbands choose not to be harsh, they mirror Christ's love and create an environment where love thrives.

I pray for us, husbands, that the Lord helps us to reflect His love in our marriage. That His Spirit teaches us to replace harshness with gentleness, criticism with encouragement, and anger with patience. May our actions honor Christ and build up those we profess to love. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

The War of Perspective in Marriage

Every marriage faces it—the war of perspectives. Two people, two unique viewpoints, shaped by different backgrounds, experiences and values, trying to navigate life together.

Most times, conflicts arise when we focus on being right rather than being unified. But here’s the truth: marriage isn’t about WINNING arguments; it’s about BUILDING connection.

The Bible reminds us in Philippians 2:3-4:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

What if we approached disagreements differently?

Right timing. Finding the time and the place to "ease" our partner into those controversial conversations that we must have.

Pause. Pray together for wisdom and unity before the conversation starts.

Listen. Seek to understand your spouse’s perspective before defending your own.

Unite. Look for common ground and build solutions that strengthen your partnership. The goal is to leave the conversation better, as a couple.

Marriage thrives when we choose humility over pride and connection over conflict. Let’s fight for each other, not against each other.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter