I saw this quote and it stuck "Manipulation is when someone blames you for your reaction to their toxic behavior without addressing what they did that triggered the reaction."
Marriage was designed by God to be a relationship of love, truth, and mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21). Yet, manipulation—whether subtle or overt—can creep in, poisoning intimacy and eroding trust.
Should Christian Couples Manipulate?
The answer is a resounding NO. Love does not manipulate; it liberates. 1st Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Manipulation, on the other hand, seeks control rather than connection, self-interest rather than selflessness.
But here’s the hard truth: manipulation is often subconscious. We may not even recognize when we’re doing it; things like guilt-tripping, withholding affection, playing the victim, or twisting words to get our way. Even subtle tactics, like exaggerating hurt to win an argument or using silence as punishment, can be forms of manipulation.
How Do We Guard Against This?
1. Examine The Heart - The Bible says “The heart is deceitful above all things…” (Jeremiah 17:9). Ask God to reveal any manipulative tendencies in you. Do you twist situations to make yourself look better? Do you guilt-trip your spouse into compliance? Honest self-reflection with the Holy Spirit is the first step.
2. Communicate With Candor and Grace - There's a whole post on Candor. Instead of manipulation, practice healthy communication (Colossians 4:6). If something bothers you, express it directly rather than through passive-aggressive behavior. "Speak the truth in love..." (Ephesians 4:15).
3. Reject the Blame Game - If you’ve wronged your spouse, own it. Don’t shift blame or make them feel guilty for being hurt. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, and sin entered (Genesis 3:12-13). Healing begins when we take responsibility.
4. Choose Servant-Hearted Love - A manipulative spouse tries to win; a godly spouse seeks to love. Instead of seeking control, seek to serve (Philippians 2:3-4).
5. Pray - "Reveal me to me" is one powerful prayer that we should always pray as children of God. Some manipulative behaviors stem from past wounds. Pray for God to heal your heart and reveal when you’re being influenced by fear, insecurity, or past trauma rather than love and truth.
Manipulation has no place in a marriage built on Christ. True love doesn’t coerce, trick, or twist—it trusts, sacrifices, and builds up.
"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good." —Romans 12:9
A good question to ask ourselves: Am I influencing my spouse in love, or manipulating them in fear? The difference could make or break the trust in your marriage.
#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks
No comments:
Post a Comment