Marriage Transformed: Renewed Minds, Contained Emotions, and Surrendered Wills

My Pastor always starts his sermons with this prayer "...by the reason of your word, we will have our minds renewed, our emotions contained, our will surrendered, and we will never be the same"

This got me thinking 🤔 

Every marriage is shaped by the state of the hearts and minds within it. Apostle Paul, in Romans 12:2, urges us:

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Marriage is not immune to the need for transformation. In fact, it thrives on it. When two people come together, their union is not just a merging of lives but a refining process—a journey of becoming more like Christ in how they think, feel, and choose.

1. The Place of a Renewed Mind in Marriage

A renewed mind means seeing marriage through the lens of God’s truth, not personal opinions, cultural norms, or past experiences. It means replacing selfish thinking with sacrificial love, trading worldly wisdom for divine principles, and allowing God’s Word to reshape how we perceive our spouse.

Instead of "I deserve to be served," a renewed mind says, "How can I serve?" (Mark 10:45)

Instead of "I need to be understood before I listen," a renewed mind says, "Let me listen with understanding first." (James 1:19)

Instead of "Marriage is about my happiness," a renewed mind says, "Marriage is about reflecting Christ’s love." (Ephesians 5:25)

With a renewed mind, we stop reacting based on past wounds or cultural expectations and start responding based on the Spirit’s wisdom. It aligns our perspective with God’s design, ensuring that we approach conflicts, intimacy, and companionship with a kingdom mindset rather than a carnal one.

2. The Place of Contained Emotions in Marriage

Love is not just a feeling...it is a choice, a commitment, and often, a discipline. While emotions are real and God-given, they should never lead a marriage; they should be led by the Spirit. Proverbs 25:28 warns,

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

In marriage, uncontained emotions can be destructive:

Uncontrolled anger wounds deeply. ("Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." – Ephesians 4:26)

Resentment builds walls between hearts. ("Bear with one another and forgive one another." – Colossians 3:13)

Fear stifles intimacy. ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." – 1 John 4:18)

A marriage where emotions run wild is like a storm-tossed sea—unpredictable and unsafe. But when emotions are surrendered to the Holy Spirit, they become a force for connection rather than division. Contained emotions allow for healthy communication, deepened trust, and the ability to weather storms together rather than against each other.

3. The Place of a Surrendered Will in Marriage

At the core of every marriage battle is a battle of wills—who gets their way? But marriage was never designed to be a contest of dominance. True unity is found when both spouses surrender their wills, not just to each other, but to God.

Jesus exemplified this in Luke 22:42, saying,

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

Surrendering our will in marriage does not mean passivity or losing one’s identity; rather, it means yielding to God’s higher plan:

It means choosing peace over proving a point. (Romans 12:18)

It means laying down pride to preserve unity. (Philippians 2:3)

It means letting go of the need to always be right and embracing humility. (James 4:6)

A marriage where both spouses surrender their wills to God is a marriage free from unnecessary power struggles. Instead of "my way vs. your way," the goal becomes God’s way. When both partners yield to His design, they experience the true harmony and oneness that marriage was meant to reflect.

When our minds are renewed, our emotions contained, and our wills surrendered, our marriages cannot remain the same. They become a living testimony of God’s grace, love, and transformative power.

A renewed mind sees marriage as God sees it.

Contained emotions prevent destruction and foster connection.

A surrendered will invites God’s peace and direction.

If we make this our daily pursuit, then truly, "by reason of His Word, we will never be the same."

May our marriages reflect this transformation, bringing glory to God and joy to our union. Amen. 🙏 

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks