Beyond “My Way or the Highway” – The Power of Unity in Marriage

"Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" – Amos 3:3

Marriage is a union of two different people, shaped by different backgrounds, experiences, and ways of doing things. What we’ve seen, learned, and practiced over time tends to form a "this is how it’s done" mentality in us. And when we encounter someone—especially our spouse—who does things differently, the natural response is often resistance.

“This is not how it’s done.”
“This is not the right way.”
“This is not how I was raised.”

But what if “different” doesn’t mean “wrong”?

When Personal Methods Clash

Many conflicts in marriage stem from an attachment to personal methods rather than results. We insist on doing things our way—not because the alternative is ineffective, but because it feels unfamiliar. From how food is prepared to how finances are handled, how children are raised, or even how love is expressed, differences can create unnecessary friction when we view them as threats rather than opportunities.

But scripture offers a different perspective:

"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" (Amos 3:3)

The goal in marriage is agreement, not uniformity. It's about finding a path forward together, not proving whose way is superior. The question should not be, "Is this done my way?" but "Is this producing the right results?"

A Kingdom Mindset in Marriage

The Bible teaches that wisdom is found in humility and openness:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." – Philippians 2:3-4

Applying this to marriage means being willing to set aside pride and embrace new approaches for the sake of unity. Instead of being fixated on "this is how I do things," we should ask:

✔ Does this honor God?
✔ Does this serve our marriage?
✔ Does this bring peace rather than strife?
✔ Is this achieving the intended goal?

Breaking the “My Way” Mentality

Here’s how to shift the focus from personal preference to marital unity:

1. Seek Understanding Before Judgment – Before assuming your spouse’s way is wrong, seek to understand it. “Why do you do it this way?” opens doors for insight.

2. Value Results Over Familiarity – If their way achieves the goal just as effectively, does it really matter if it's not done your way? Outcomes matter more than processes.

3. Embrace Adaptability – Marriage requires a flexible heart. Sometimes, your way will be best. Other times, your spouse’s way will be better. True strength is in adaptability, not rigidity.

4. Pray for Wisdom and Unity – Not every disagreement needs to be won. Some things simply need divine wisdom to navigate. “Lord, give us a heart that seeks unity over control.”

In the end, marriage isn’t about who gets their way—it’s about building a life together in agreement and peace.

The enemy thrives in division, but when we prioritize unity over personal preferences, we build a marriage that is unshakable.

So the next time you feel tempted to insist, “This is not how it’s done,” pause and ask:

"Are we getting the results that honor God and serve our marriage?"

Because in the grand scheme of things, that’s what truly matters.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks