“Why did you put that there?”
It’s a simple question. But depending on how it lands, it can sound like curiosity...or an accusation. It can feel like an invitation to communicate...or a subtle jab of blame. And too often, assumptions rush in before clarity does.
In a conversation between a husband and wife, the wife admitted that when her husband asked, “Why did you put that there?” it felt aggressive. It sounded like blame. It made her feel as if she had done something wrong.
The husband responded, “If I were blaming you, why do you think I would do that? What would my gain be?”
Her response? “To make me feel bad… so you can feel better.”
That was her assumption. But the truth? He wasn’t trying to blame her. He wasn’t trying to make her feel bad. He was simply asking.
And this is where so many marriages silently suffer...not because of what’s actually happening, but because of the assumptions we attach to it.
The Danger of Assumptions
Proverbs 18:13 warns, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
Assumptions are, in essence, answers before listening. We fill in the blanks with our own fears, past experiences, and insecurities, rather than seeking clarity. And before we know it, we’re arguing about what we think is happening, rather than what’s actually happening.
It’s no wonder Jesus taught in Matthew 7:1-2, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Judging isn’t always about condemnation...it’s also about assumption. It’s about deciding that we know someone’s heart, their motive, their intention… when in reality, we don’t.
The Simple Shift That Changes Everything
The husband in this conversation offered a challenge: State your intention.
Instead of just asking, “Why did you put that there?”, try:
"Hey babe, why did you put that here? I’m asking because I don’t want to mess up your system. Maybe we can decide together where it should go."
On the flip side, when something feels off, instead of assuming, ask:
"Why did you say that? I want to understand without assuming."
This keeps defenses down. It turns accusations into invitations. It replaces conflict with clarity.
Marriage Needs Communication, Not Mind-Reading
Ephesians 4:2-3 reminds us, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Marriage was never meant to be a battlefield of misinterpretations. Becoming a husband/wife was never an invitation to activate our mind-reading abilities. It was meant to be a place where we seek understanding, extend grace, and communicate with love.
So before you assume—ask.
Before you react—clarify.
Before you take offense—seek intention.
Because the greatest enemy in marriage is not the question that was asked. It’s the false story we tell ourselves about it.
#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks
No comments:
Post a Comment