Being vs. Doing in Marriage: A Delicate Dance

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines DOING as the act of performing or executing...while it defines BEING as the quality or state of having existence.

In marriage, there are things to be and things to do. The balance between being a husband or wife and doing the things a husband or wife should do is what makes a marriage thrive.

Many couples, however, get stuck in one side of the equation. Some are so focused on doing—acts of service, provision, parenting, and fulfilling responsibilities—that they lose the essence of being a loving, present, and emotionally connected spouse. Others lean so much into being—the identity of a husband or wife—that they neglect the practical actions that keep a marriage healthy and strong.

There is a CALL to BE

The Bible consistently reminds us that our identity precedes our actions. Before God calls us to do, He calls us to be.

Be kind and compassionate (Ephesians 4:32)

Be humble and gentle (Ephesians 4:2)

Be patient and forgiving (Colossians 3:13)

Be imitators of God, walking in love (Ephesians 5:1-2)

Being a husband or wife means embodying these virtues at the core. A man is not merely a husband because he provides financially; he is a husband because he carries the heart of a husband—loving, protecting, and leading in godliness (Ephesians 5:25). A woman is not merely a wife because she manages the home; she is a wife because she nurtures, respects, and builds up her husband (Proverbs 31:11-12, Ephesians 5:33).

There is a NEED to DO

While being is foundational, doing is necessary. Love is not just a noun; it is also a verb. The Bible does not just describe love; it commands action:

Husbands, love your wives (Ephesians 5:25)

Wives, respect your husbands (Ephesians 5:33)

Bear with one another (Colossians 3:13)

Serve one another humbly in love (Galatians 5:13)

Doing involves the daily choices—serving without keeping score, apologizing first, listening with patience, and speaking with grace. These are not just one-time actions but continuous expressions of commitment.

What Stands In The Way Of Being?

1. Busyness: When we become drowned in schedules and responsibilities, we lose the presence and intimacy needed to be a husband or wife in the truest sense.

2. Bitterness & Unforgiveness: Holding onto past wounds creates walls that prevent true connection. We may still do what’s expected, but our hearts are distant.

3. Identity Crisis: When our identity is tied to roles rather than God’s design, we can lose the heart of who we are meant to be.

What Stands In The Way Of Doing?

1. Emotional Disconnect: With emotional disconnect, it's just a matter of time before the actions begin to fade and we start to see - less kindness, less service, less intentionality.

2. Complacency: In Nigeria, it's called "see finish". When couples grow too comfortable, they may stop putting in the effort to serve and cherish one another.

3. Selfishness: When personal desires take priority over sacrificial love, actions of love diminish.

Jesus embodied this balance of BEING and DOING perfectly. He was the Good Shepherd, and because of who He was, He did—He laid down His life for His sheep (John 10:11). Our marriages must follow the same rhythm: who we are must fuel what we do, and what we do must reinforce who we are.

A thriving marriage is not built on one without the other. We must be in Christ so that we can do in love. When we rest in our God-given roles, the actions of love flow naturally. And when we consistently do the work of love, our hearts become more deeply entwined.

So today, let's ask ourselves:

Am I only doing, but not being?

Am I claiming to be, but neglecting to do?

What do I need to be more intentional about in my marriage?

What do I need to do to reinforce my commitment?

May we all find the harmony between being and doing, walking in love as Christ has called us (Ephesians 5:2).

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Breaking the Cycle: Taking Responsibility in Marriage Without Waiting for Your Spouse

One of the most common roadblocks in marriage is the mindset of “Why should I do my part if they aren’t doing theirs?” It’s a thought that subtly creeps in when expectations aren’t met, when efforts feel one-sided, or when past disappointments cloud present choices.

It’s totally human to want fairness, to want reciprocation. But when a husband or wife waits for the other to change before they do, marriage enters a dangerous cycle of stagnation, resentment, and unmet needs.

This mindset often manifests as cross-complaining—the act of countering one concern with another, avoiding personal responsibility, and shifting the focus away from what we ourselves can do to improve the relationship. Instead of asking, "How can I love better?" the default response becomes, "Well, what about them?"

But here’s the hard truth: Marriage isn’t transactional. It’s covenantal. And a covenant calls us to give even when we don’t immediately receive.

Jesus never called us to love based on merit. In fact, His love for us is despite our failures, not because of our worthiness. If we are to mirror Christ in marriage, then we must embrace the principle of personal responsibility in love—choosing to do what is right regardless of whether our spouse is doing the same. We are all familiar with these scriptures:

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
• “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
• “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Notice something? Nowhere does it say, "Husbands, love your wives, but only if she is submitting to you." Nor does it say, "Wives, respect your husbands, but only if he is being loving enough." The command stands independent of the other person’s actions.

When we wait for the other to "do better" first, our marriage suffers in several ways:

1. The relationship becomes conditional. Love turns into a bargaining chip rather than a Christlike commitment.
2. Bitterness takes root. The heart hardens as unmet expectations build up, making it harder to act in love.
3. Distance grows. When each person stops pouring into the marriage, intimacy, trust, and connection slowly erode.
4. The enemy gains ground. Satan thrives in division (Mark 3:25). A divided marriage is vulnerable to external attacks, from temptations to emotional disconnect.

But when one person chooses to take responsibility—choosing love, kindness, patience, and selflessness even when it’s not reciprocated—it creates an atmosphere where change is possible.

Love is meant to LEAD, not react. The world’s version of love reacts: "You give, then I’ll give."

God’s version of love leads: "I give because it’s who I’m called to be."

Jesus didn’t wait for us to be lovable before loving us. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) If Christ’s love for us had been based on our perfection, we would have been doomed. Yet, He loved first, and His love transformed us.

In marriage, someone has to lead in love. Someone has to decide, "I will love, honor, serve, respect, and cherish—not because my spouse has earned it, but because God has called me to it."

This doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior or enabling sin. It means refusing to let someone else’s shortcomings dictate your obedience to God’s design for marriage.

You Can Say "But it’s unfair..."

• Do it unto the Lord. “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” (Colossians 3:23)
• Sow what you want to reap. “A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7) Even if your spouse isn’t responding now, seeds of love and kindness often bear fruit in time.
• Trust God with the results. “Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Break the Cycle and Choose to Love

Marriage is not about fairness; it’s about faithfulness. When one person chooses to lead in love, it creates a shift in the relationship. Hearts soften. Conversations change. Healing begins. And even if the other person never changes, you can stand before God knowing you did what He called you to do.

So the next time you’re tempted to say, “What about them?”—pause. Instead, ask, “Lord, what about me? How can I love as You love?”

Because at the end of the day, our obedience is not measured by our spouse’s actions, but by our faithfulness to God’s call. And that’s a love that can change everything.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Marriage Transformed: Renewed Minds, Contained Emotions, and Surrendered Wills

My Pastor always starts his sermons with this prayer "...by the reason of your word, we will have our minds renewed, our emotions contained, our will surrendered, and we will never be the same"

This got me thinking 🤔 

Every marriage is shaped by the state of the hearts and minds within it. Apostle Paul, in Romans 12:2, urges us:

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Marriage is not immune to the need for transformation. In fact, it thrives on it. When two people come together, their union is not just a merging of lives but a refining process—a journey of becoming more like Christ in how they think, feel, and choose.

1. The Place of a Renewed Mind in Marriage

A renewed mind means seeing marriage through the lens of God’s truth, not personal opinions, cultural norms, or past experiences. It means replacing selfish thinking with sacrificial love, trading worldly wisdom for divine principles, and allowing God’s Word to reshape how we perceive our spouse.

Instead of "I deserve to be served," a renewed mind says, "How can I serve?" (Mark 10:45)

Instead of "I need to be understood before I listen," a renewed mind says, "Let me listen with understanding first." (James 1:19)

Instead of "Marriage is about my happiness," a renewed mind says, "Marriage is about reflecting Christ’s love." (Ephesians 5:25)

With a renewed mind, we stop reacting based on past wounds or cultural expectations and start responding based on the Spirit’s wisdom. It aligns our perspective with God’s design, ensuring that we approach conflicts, intimacy, and companionship with a kingdom mindset rather than a carnal one.

2. The Place of Contained Emotions in Marriage

Love is not just a feeling...it is a choice, a commitment, and often, a discipline. While emotions are real and God-given, they should never lead a marriage; they should be led by the Spirit. Proverbs 25:28 warns,

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

In marriage, uncontained emotions can be destructive:

Uncontrolled anger wounds deeply. ("Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." – Ephesians 4:26)

Resentment builds walls between hearts. ("Bear with one another and forgive one another." – Colossians 3:13)

Fear stifles intimacy. ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." – 1 John 4:18)

A marriage where emotions run wild is like a storm-tossed sea—unpredictable and unsafe. But when emotions are surrendered to the Holy Spirit, they become a force for connection rather than division. Contained emotions allow for healthy communication, deepened trust, and the ability to weather storms together rather than against each other.

3. The Place of a Surrendered Will in Marriage

At the core of every marriage battle is a battle of wills—who gets their way? But marriage was never designed to be a contest of dominance. True unity is found when both spouses surrender their wills, not just to each other, but to God.

Jesus exemplified this in Luke 22:42, saying,

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

Surrendering our will in marriage does not mean passivity or losing one’s identity; rather, it means yielding to God’s higher plan:

It means choosing peace over proving a point. (Romans 12:18)

It means laying down pride to preserve unity. (Philippians 2:3)

It means letting go of the need to always be right and embracing humility. (James 4:6)

A marriage where both spouses surrender their wills to God is a marriage free from unnecessary power struggles. Instead of "my way vs. your way," the goal becomes God’s way. When both partners yield to His design, they experience the true harmony and oneness that marriage was meant to reflect.

When our minds are renewed, our emotions contained, and our wills surrendered, our marriages cannot remain the same. They become a living testimony of God’s grace, love, and transformative power.

A renewed mind sees marriage as God sees it.

Contained emotions prevent destruction and foster connection.

A surrendered will invites God’s peace and direction.

If we make this our daily pursuit, then truly, "by reason of His Word, we will never be the same."

May our marriages reflect this transformation, bringing glory to God and joy to our union. Amen. 🙏 

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Love in Action: The Power of Bearing One Another’s Burdens

My Pastor said this in church yesterday "Love is powerful. Love in action is even more powerful."

In Mark 2:3-11, we see four friends who refused to let obstacles stand in the way of their paralyzed friend’s healing. The crowd was thick, the door was blocked, but love doesn’t stop at inconvenience. They climbed a roof, tore it open, and lowered him down before Jesus. Their faith—demonstrated through action—moved the heart of Jesus, and their friend was healed.

Contrast this with John 5:1-9, where a man had been paralyzed for 38 years, waiting by the pool of Bethesda. When Jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed, his response was heartbreaking:

"Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me." (John 5:7)

For 38 years, he had no one. No helping hands, no friends lowering him through a roof, no one willing to bear his burden. Yet Jesus, full of love and power, spoke healing into his life.

These two stories show us something profound: love isn’t just about feeling; it’s about doing.

"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

As couples, we often say “I love you.” And that’s good. But do we go beyond words? Do we actively seek out ways to lift each other’s burdens, just as Christ calls us to?

• Love is listening when your spouse is overwhelmed.

• Love is showing up when they are weary.

• Love is praying when they are too weak to pray.

• Love is supporting when they feel like they’re drowning.

• Love is taking action, even when it's inconvenient.

Love isn’t just butterflies in my tummy or a beautiful feeling; it’s a relentless force that climbs roofs, tears through barriers, and does whatever it takes to bring healing, wholeness, and restoration.

Marriage thrives when love is more than words—when it is demonstrated daily.

So today, ask yourself:

"How can I lower my spouse through the roof?"

"How can I bear their burden, not just in words, but in action?"

Because love that is acted upon is the love that transforms.

#LoveInAction #BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Love Languages: Are they Innate, Learned, or Inflicted?

I'm sure we've all read/heard about the 5 love languages...but have you ever wondered why we crave love in specific ways? Are love languages wired into us from birth, shaped by what we had growing up, or a response to what we lacked?

Does the one who was starved of affirming words grow up yearning for them, or is it the one who was showered with them that comes to expect love in that form? Do gifts mean more to the child who received them frequently, or to the one who rarely did?

The Bible tells us that "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Love is not self-originating; it is modeled, received, and then given. If this is true, then how we receive love—and how we struggle to receive it—might be deeply tied to our experiences.

Nature or Nurture?

Psychologists suggest that love languages are often shaped by childhood experiences. What we lacked may create a longing. What we had may form an expectation. But neither is permanent.

The Word of God shows that love is not merely a function of personality or experience—it is transformational.

• "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26).
• "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2).

God's love REWIRES us. Experiences may shape us, but they do not have to define us permanently.

Are People Set in Their Ways?

Some say, "This is just how I am. My love language is my love language." But in marriage, love is a CALLING to understand, adapt, and grow.
Paul writes: "Love does not insist on its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). True love stretches beyond personal preferences.

• If my spouse’s love language is different from mine, do I dismiss it because it is unnatural to me?
• If my love language comes from a place of brokenness, do I allow healing to reshape me?
• Do I love in a way that is convenient, or in a way that is meaningful to the one I claim to love?

Jesus, the ultimate model of love, did not love people in a single, fixed way. 

He spoke words of affirmation ("You are the light of the world" – Matthew 5:14)

He showed acts of service (washing the disciples’ feet – John 13:5) 

He spent quality time (walking with two disciples to Emmaus – Luke 24:13-35)

He gave gifts (the Holy Spirit – John 14:26), and...

He expressed physical touch (John, one of His disciples, rested on His bosom – John 13:23). 

Jesus met people in the way they needed love.

What This Means In Marriage

Marriage is not about how I want to be loved, but how I can love like Christ.

• Love languages may be a reflection of our past, but they should not be a restriction for our future.
• They help us understand, but they should not be an excuse to demand.
• The goal is not to get love the way we prefer, but to learn to love in a way that reflects Jesus.

If love is truly from God, then it is not just what we feel comfortable with—but what we are willing to become.

"Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:14).

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Power of a Wife’s Words: Building Up, Not Tearing Down

It’s often said that men don’t need as much affirmation as women. 

That they are tough, resilient, and self-sufficient. Yet, many husbands walk through life starved of encouragement from the one person whose words matter most—their wives.
Some women hesitate to praise their husbands, fearing it will “get to his head.” But the truth is, men battle self-doubt, weariness, and silent struggles too. They may not always say it, but they crave affirmation just as much as women do.

Should Christian marriages be part of this sad statistic? Absolutely not.

The Scriptural Angle: A Wife’s Words Have Power
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us:
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
A wife’s words can breathe life into her husband or tear him down. In a world that constantly criticizes, he needs a wife who sees his efforts, speaks life over him, and reminds him of his worth.
Proverbs 31:26 says of the virtuous woman:
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."
Her words guide, uplift, and encourage. She doesn’t withhold praise out of fear—she freely affirms her husband’s strengths, knowing that encouragement fuels greater love, confidence, and unity.

Encouragement is Not Flattery—It’s Biblical Honor
Ephesians 5:33 commands:
"The wife must respect her husband."
Respect isn’t just about submission—it’s about recognition. A husband who feels seen, valued, and affirmed by his wife will lead, love, and protect with greater strength and confidence.
When Sarah called Abraham “lord” (1 Peter 3:6), it wasn’t empty flattery. It was an expression of honor and esteem. Encouraging your husband isn’t about boosting his ego—it’s about strengthening his spirit.

Practical Ways to Speak Life into Your Husband
Notice/Acknowledge his efforts – Acknowledge the little things he does for you and the family.
Speak to his strengths – Even when he’s struggling, remind him of who he is in Christ.
Affirm his leadership – Let him know you trust and appreciate his guidance.
Pray over him – Let your words in private and in prayer reflect God’s heart for him.
Be intentional – A simple, “I appreciate you,” can make all the difference.

Ladies, your husband fights battles you may never see. Be his safe space, not his critic. Be his ENCOURAGER, not just his CORRECTOR. Speak life into him, and watch how he rises to be all God has called him to be.

A well-watered plant flourishes—so does a well-affirmed man. Water him with your words.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Proverbs 31 Woman Part 5: A Beacon of Industry and Wisdom

"She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber." — Proverbs 31:18-19 (NLT)

We already established that THE Proverbs 31 woman is not just a homemaker; she is a visionary, an entrepreneur, and a steward of resources.

She does not engage in random ventures—she ENSURES her dealings are profitable. This means she is strategic, wise, and discerning in her investments. She is not driven by fleeting trends but by principles that bring lasting gain. She understands that productivity is not just about being busy; it's about being fruitful.

Her lamp burns late into the night, not because she is burdened by toil, but because she is dedicated to excellence. She embraces diligence over complacency, understanding that success often requires going the extra mile.

Her hands are skilled and competent. She is not idle, nor does she wait for things to be handed to her. She spins thread, twists fiber, transforming raw materials into valuable products. She embodies Proverbs 22:29:
"Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men."

This is not just about literal labor—this is about mastery in her calling. Whether in business, ministry, or family, she cultivates skill, excellence, and wisdom.

The Proverbs 31 woman is inviting us to:

1. Wisdom in Business & Stewardship
   We are called to be good stewards of our resources—whether money, time, or skills. The Proverbs 31 woman does not engage in wasteful endeavors but seeks profit that aligns with kingdom values.

2. Diligence & Hard Work
   Hard work does not mean endless striving. It means being consistent, faithful, and strategic. She works, but she also works smart.

3. Mastery of Skills
   Excellence is cultivated. In whatever field God has placed you, be diligent to sharpen your craft, refine your skills, and commit to growth.

4. Illuminating the Night
   The lamp burning late into the night symbolizes vision, wisdom, and revelation. She is not walking in darkness—she is a light in her sphere, illuminating paths for others to follow.

Think about it...are you intentional about your dealings? Do you cultivate the skills God has placed in your hands? Are you stewarding your resources with wisdom?

May we, like the Proverbs 31 woman, be found faithful, skilled, and fruitful in our God-given assignments. Let our lamps burn brightly with wisdom, diligence, and grace.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Slice of Joy

On our way back from church yesterday, we stopped at a red light and noticed a homeless man holding a sign:

"I need food. Please help."

Without hesitation, we scrambled through the car, gathering whatever snacks we could find—Belvita, plantain chips, anything that might ease his hunger. My wife reached into her bag, pulling out a few more. Then, just as we were about to roll down the window, my daughter gasped.

"The cake!"

She had taken a slice from church, a leftover from celebrating a member moving to another state. It had been wrapped on a simple paper plate...nothing fancy, just a piece of cake. But something in her voice made me pause.

We handed the man the snacks first, and he tucked them into his bag without much reaction. Then we gave him the cake.

He looked at it. Paused. Opened it.

And then—his face.

A smile so pure, so radiant, it etched itself into my memory. He took a bite right there, and in that moment, joy lit up his face like a child tasting something wonderful for the first time.

For just a slice of cake.

The things we take for granted.

The things we overlook.

The things we refuse to be grateful for.

Yesterday, I saw joy in its rawest form—not in abundance, but in a single, unexpected gift.

#Gratitude #Blessings #ActsOfKindness #GiveFreely #JoyInTheLittleThings #BeTheLight #FoodForTheSoul #ThankfulHeart #ShareLove #SmallActsBigImpact

The Seasons of Marriage: From Fire to Flourishing

My younger brother sent me a post and wanted my opinion. That post gave birth to this post

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." — Ecclesiastes 3:1

Marriage is a journey, not a destination. It’s a story written in seasons—some exhilarating, others refining, all necessary. Every couple who commits to building a godly marriage will walk through different stages, but how long they remain in each stage depends on their wisdom, love, and willingness to grow together.

1. The Wonder Stage: "Bone of My Bone"

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." — Genesis 2:24

This is the "Wow!" season—where everything is new, fresh, and exciting. The reality of sharing life together brings joy and adventure: whispering sweet nothings, holding hands everywhere, being in awe of your spouse’s presence, and experiencing the thrill of intimacy. Every moment is an unfolding mystery, and you feel blessed beyond measure.

But wonder, though beautiful, is not a foundation—it is a gift that must be stewarded.

2. The Irritation Stage: "Why Do You Do That?"

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." — Ephesians 4:2

Reality sets in. The little quirks that were once endearing now test your patience. The toothpaste cap left open, the socks on the floor, the way they chew too loudly, or how they always forget what you just said. This is where illusions shatter, and reality takes its place.

Many assume something is "wrong" at this stage. But nothing is wrong—it’s simply the refining of love.

3. The Frustration Stage: "Did I Make a Mistake?"

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." — Ephesians 4:26

Here, irritation turns into frustration. Words become sharper, silence grows heavier, and unresolved issues create distance. One or both partners may wonder, "Did I marry the wrong person?"

This is where many marriages struggle. But it is also where true love can begin—because love is not about finding perfection but learning to love through imperfection.

4. The Resolution Stage: "Let’s Figure This Out"

"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" — Amos 3:3

At this stage, couples begin to realize that anger and resentment solve nothing. They start choosing love over ego, conversation over assumptions, and humility over pride. Compromise is no longer seen as losing—it’s seen as building.

This is where love matures, because love that cannot withstand pressure is not love—it is convenience.

5. The Acceptance Stage: "I Love You, As You Are"

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." — 1 Peter 4:8

The realization dawns: some things about your spouse may never change. And that’s okay. The goal is no longer to "fix" them but to love them as Christ loves you. You begin to celebrate their uniqueness rather than criticize their flaws.

You trade control for trust, judgment for grace, and resentment for joy.

6. The Restful Stage: "I Choose You—Again and Again"

"His banner over me is love." — Song of Solomon 2:4

This is where love becomes deeper than emotions, attraction, or even companionship—it becomes a covenant you cherish. You embrace your spouse fully, not because they are perfect, but because you have chosen to love them as Christ loves you.

Here, your marriage flourishes. You find joy in the small things, laughter replaces tension, and you reconnect at a soul level. Intimacy is no longer just physical—it is emotional, spiritual, and deeply fulfilling.

Every Season Has Purpose

There is no "perfect" marriage, but there is a godly marriage—a marriage rooted in grace, patience, wisdom, and Christ. Every couple will walk through these seasons, but the length of each stage is determined by how they respond.

• Will you choose grace over frustration?
• Will you choose love over ego?
• Will you trust God's process rather than resist it?

If Christ is at the center, every season—no matter how hard—will produce a love that endures.

Marriage is not just about surviving. It’s about thriving.
It’s about becoming better, not bitter.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." — 1 Corinthians 13:13

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Beyond “My Way or the Highway” – The Power of Unity in Marriage

"Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" – Amos 3:3

Marriage is a union of two different people, shaped by different backgrounds, experiences, and ways of doing things. What we’ve seen, learned, and practiced over time tends to form a "this is how it’s done" mentality in us. And when we encounter someone—especially our spouse—who does things differently, the natural response is often resistance.

“This is not how it’s done.”
“This is not the right way.”
“This is not how I was raised.”

But what if “different” doesn’t mean “wrong”?

When Personal Methods Clash

Many conflicts in marriage stem from an attachment to personal methods rather than results. We insist on doing things our way—not because the alternative is ineffective, but because it feels unfamiliar. From how food is prepared to how finances are handled, how children are raised, or even how love is expressed, differences can create unnecessary friction when we view them as threats rather than opportunities.

But scripture offers a different perspective:

"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" (Amos 3:3)

The goal in marriage is agreement, not uniformity. It's about finding a path forward together, not proving whose way is superior. The question should not be, "Is this done my way?" but "Is this producing the right results?"

A Kingdom Mindset in Marriage

The Bible teaches that wisdom is found in humility and openness:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." – Philippians 2:3-4

Applying this to marriage means being willing to set aside pride and embrace new approaches for the sake of unity. Instead of being fixated on "this is how I do things," we should ask:

✔ Does this honor God?
✔ Does this serve our marriage?
✔ Does this bring peace rather than strife?
✔ Is this achieving the intended goal?

Breaking the “My Way” Mentality

Here’s how to shift the focus from personal preference to marital unity:

1. Seek Understanding Before Judgment – Before assuming your spouse’s way is wrong, seek to understand it. “Why do you do it this way?” opens doors for insight.

2. Value Results Over Familiarity – If their way achieves the goal just as effectively, does it really matter if it's not done your way? Outcomes matter more than processes.

3. Embrace Adaptability – Marriage requires a flexible heart. Sometimes, your way will be best. Other times, your spouse’s way will be better. True strength is in adaptability, not rigidity.

4. Pray for Wisdom and Unity – Not every disagreement needs to be won. Some things simply need divine wisdom to navigate. “Lord, give us a heart that seeks unity over control.”

In the end, marriage isn’t about who gets their way—it’s about building a life together in agreement and peace.

The enemy thrives in division, but when we prioritize unity over personal preferences, we build a marriage that is unshakable.

So the next time you feel tempted to insist, “This is not how it’s done,” pause and ask:

"Are we getting the results that honor God and serve our marriage?"

Because in the grand scheme of things, that’s what truly matters.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

The Proverbs 31 Woman Part 4: A Visionary of Strength and Industry

“She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.”

— Proverbs 31:16-17 (NKJV)

The Proverbs 31 woman is more than a homemaker—she is an entrepreneur, a strategist, a cultivator of legacy. These verses paint the picture of a woman whose vision transcends the present, whose hands are diligent, and whose strength is both physical and spiritual.

1. She Considers, She Buys, She Builds

"She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard."

This is not a woman who stumbles into opportunities—she considers. She evaluates, weighs the options, and acts with wisdom. She is a woman of discernment; she doesn’t leap at every field but selects the one that will yield fruit.

She doesn’t just acquire; she invests. From her profits—not debts—she plants a vineyard. She understands sustainability. She doesn’t consume all she earns but reinvests for long-term fruitfulness.

This is visionary leadership. She doesn’t just think of today—she prepares for tomorrow. She ensures what she builds will yield continual harvests.

2. She Girds Herself with Strength

"She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms."

This phrase is loaded with meaning.

• She girds herself—She is intentional about her strength. She doesn’t wait for strength to come to her; she wraps herself in it. This could refer to both spiritual strength (faith, resilience, courage) and physical strength (diligence, endurance, capability).

• She strengthens her arms—She is not afraid of labor. She doesn’t shrink back from hard work but actively builds her capacity. She recognizes that strength is cultivated, not wished for. Whether in managing her home, business, or personal well-being, she ensures she is equipped for the task

Someone once told me "No one can be like the Proverbs 31 woman" what I believe is that the Proverbs 31 woman is not some unreachable ideal—she is an invitation. As a woman:

• Consider before you commit: Don't just leap; evaluate. Whether in career, ministry, business, or relationships, seek wisdom before making a move.
• Build, don’t just consume: Invest in things that yield lasting fruit—whether financial, spiritual, or relational.
• Strengthen yourself: Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Gird yourself with the Word, prayer, wisdom, and practical action.

A strong woman is not just one who endures but one who builds, strengthens, and prepares for the future.

Are you considering your "fields" with wisdom? Are you planting vineyards that will yield fruit for generations? Are you intentionally strengthening yourself for what God has called you to?

The Proverbs 31 woman calls us to rise, build, and strengthen.

Pray this prayer with me:

Lord, give me the wisdom to consider before I commit, the discipline to build and not just consume, and the strength to equip myself for the calling You have placed upon my life. Help me to be diligent, discerning, and full of faith as I steward what You have entrusted to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

STOP the comparison

Comparisons in Marriage

In 2 Corinthians 10:12, the Apostle Paul cautions believers against the dangers of comparisons, saying, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” This Scripture highlights how constantly measuring our lives—or our marriages—against others can undermine true growth and contentment. Instead, we are called to find our security and identity in God, not in how we stack up next to someone else.

One particularly powerful picture of this principle is found in Proverbs 5:15: “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.” This proverb uses the imagery of water and wells to teach us a deep lesson about marital faithfulness and satisfaction. Just as a person would tend to their own well to ensure a fresh, abundant supply of water, God wants us to invest our time, energy, and love into the one relationship He has given us in marriage. Focusing on what we have at home—rather than gazing longingly at someone else’s situation—fosters true fulfillment and guards our hearts from discontent.

In practical terms, this looks like:

1. Gratitude – Regularly thanking God for your spouse and the strengths in your marriage. Remembering the blessings already present in your relationship curbs the temptation to look outward for what you think might be “missing.”

2. Intentional Investment – Cultivating your marriage with thoughtful communication, shared activities, and spiritual growth. When you “water” your relationship with quality time and heartfelt care, it grows stronger, just like a well-maintained cistern.

3. Avoiding Unhealthy Comparisons – Recognizing that every marriage has unique challenges and joys. Often, we only see the highlight reels of other couples. Understand that true intimacy flourishes when you both work to honor God and each other—no one else’s marriage can define your standard of love.

By heeding Paul’s counsel to avoid the comparison trap, and by embracing the wisdom of Proverbs to “drink from our own well,” we open ourselves to a deeper connection with our spouse and with God. When our focus remains on honoring Him within our marriage, He provides the living water that continually refreshes, strengthens, and satisfies.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Don't Sulk...Talk

Dear Married,  don’t SULK, TALK.

We've all been there...silent treatment, heavy sighs; tension thick enough to cut with a knife.

Sulking may feel justified—it might even feel like the only way to make your point. But in marriage, silence isn’t golden; it’s a slow poison.

When issues arise, the enemy whispers, “Don’t talk. They won’t understand. Just withdraw.” But that’s a trap. God designed marriage for unity, not silent battles. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).

The Danger of Confirmation Bias in Conflict

It’s tempting to look for reasons to confirm your frustration.

“See? They always do this.”

“They don’t care.”

“I knew I was right.”

But when we search for proof that justifies our anger rather than seeking peace, we risk hardening our hearts to the truth of God’s Word. The Bible warns, “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9). Your emotions are real, but they are not always righteous.

God’s Command Is Clear: Talk It Out.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger… be put away from you” (Ephesians 4:31).

Marriage is not about winning arguments but winning together. It’s about two flawed people choosing love over pride, communication over isolation, and obedience over self-justification.

So today, choose to talk. Not with a tone of accusation, but with a heart of reconciliation. Don’t let silence build walls that love was meant to tear down.

Don’t sulk. Talk.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Proverbs 31 Woman Part 3 :The Merchant Ship

The Merchant Ship of Provision

Proverbs 31:14-15 (NKJV)
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.

1. The Merchant Ship: A Symbol of Diligence and Resourcefulness

Why is the Proverbs 31 woman compared to a merchant ship? Merchant ships in biblical times were essential for trade, bringing valuable goods from distant lands. They didn’t merely rely on what was nearby but sought the best, sometimes traveling great distances to acquire it.

Likewise, the Proverbs 31 woman is not passive in her provision. She seeks what is best for her household, not settling for convenience but ensuring quality. This is more than just food—it symbolizes her wisdom, foresight, and effort in every area of life. In a modern sense, she could be a woman who:

Carefully selects what nurtures her home—whether it’s physical nourishment, spiritual guidance, or emotional support.

Thinks beyond the immediate, planning ahead to ensure her family is sustained.

Doesn’t settle for mediocrity but pursues excellence in what she brings into her household.

This challenges us: Do we bring into our homes the best—not just materially but spiritually and emotionally? Do we seek wisdom, godly counsel, and edifying influences, or do we allow whatever is easiest to drift in?

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” – Proverbs 14:1

2. Rising at Night: Going Above and Beyond

"She also rises while it is yet night…"

At first glance, this seems literal—waking up before dawn to work. While this can reflect a diligent work ethic, it goes deeper. To rise at night implies an attitude of sacrifice, vigilance, and foresight.

It is in the night—the unseen hours, the inconvenient moments—that she labors.

She is not waiting for ideal conditions but makes the best use of time.

She is not only physically present but spiritually alert, prepared to meet her family's needs.

Jesus Himself modeled this. Mark 1:35 tells us:
"Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed."

The Proverbs 31 woman, like Christ, understands that some of the greatest work is done when no one is watching. She invests in what will yield lasting fruit.

How does this translate today?

A mother who prays over her children while they sleep.

A wife who intercedes for her husband in the early hours.

A leader who works behind the scenes, preparing so that others may flourish.

A woman who doesn’t wait for perfect circumstances but moves in faith, whether it is day or night.


3. Providing for Her Household and Servants: A Heart of Generosity

"And provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants."

She does not only care for her immediate family—her provision extends beyond. This is a heart of generosity, stewardship, and leadership.

She sees those under her care and ensures they are well provided for.

She does not hoard but shares, making sure even her servants (modern equivalent: employees, those who depend on her) are sustained.

She does not see serving others as a burden but a privilege.

This reflects the heart of Christ, who didn’t just meet His own needs but fed the multitudes, washed the feet of His disciples, and gave His life for others.

Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 9:8:
"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work."

The Proverbs 31 woman is not just a receiver—she is a channel of God’s provision.


The Proverbs 31 Woman Today

In our modern world, this passage calls women (and all believers) to a life of intentionality, diligence, and generosity.

Are we like merchant ships, seeking the best (in wisdom, character, and provision) for our homes and those around us?

Do we rise in the night, prepared to labor, pray, and serve even when it’s inconvenient?

Are we generous and thoughtful, ensuring that our household—and those beyond—are well cared for?


This is not about being “busy” for the sake of busyness but about stewarding well the lives God has entrusted to us.

May we all take on the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman, working not just for our own good but for God’s glory, knowing that He sees every unseen effort and rewards it in due time.

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” – Colossians 3:23

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter ##MarriageWorks