It also means reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of a person or thing.
The simplest meaning is having confidence in someone or something.
In any relationship, there is always a spoken or unspoken agreement. For example, there is an unspoken agreement that parents will protect and not harm their kids; anytime this power is abused, trust is broken. The Bible says “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?” –Luke 11:11 (which talks of an unspoken trust relationship between a father and a child).
In marriage, there is a spoken agreement to stay faithful to your spouse; unfaithfulness breaks the trust. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” 1 Corinthians 7: 3-4
We come to believe we can trust someone and share our lives with them, because they do what they say they are going to do. Because they say what they mean and mean what they say. They have proven they are trustworthy. In any relationship; lies and deceit violate the spoken or unspoken rule of honesty and lead to betrayal of trust.
A lot of people have been wounded, hurt and scarred because someone betrayed their trust…it hurts more when these betrayals are not addressed or the hurting person’s feelings are dismissed, denied or ignored. It makes it hard to trust again. However, we cannot live without trusting anyone…we just need to discern who to trust. “It is impossible to go through life without trust: that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself” –Graham Greene
The simplest meaning is having confidence in someone or something.
In any relationship, there is always a spoken or unspoken agreement. For example, there is an unspoken agreement that parents will protect and not harm their kids; anytime this power is abused, trust is broken. The Bible says “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?” –Luke 11:11 (which talks of an unspoken trust relationship between a father and a child).
In marriage, there is a spoken agreement to stay faithful to your spouse; unfaithfulness breaks the trust. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” 1 Corinthians 7: 3-4
We come to believe we can trust someone and share our lives with them, because they do what they say they are going to do. Because they say what they mean and mean what they say. They have proven they are trustworthy. In any relationship; lies and deceit violate the spoken or unspoken rule of honesty and lead to betrayal of trust.
A lot of people have been wounded, hurt and scarred because someone betrayed their trust…it hurts more when these betrayals are not addressed or the hurting person’s feelings are dismissed, denied or ignored. It makes it hard to trust again. However, we cannot live without trusting anyone…we just need to discern who to trust. “It is impossible to go through life without trust: that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself” –Graham Greene
Trust is to the human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish – Barbara Smith
The truth is…in life, BETRAYAL IS INEVITABLE. Trying to avoid betrayal can cause us to be withdrawn or scared of everyone and everything. It confines us to our ‘safe place’ where we fail to take risks and avail ourselves of opportunities. Ultimately, it deprives us of living like a human. Have you met people that are so paranoid they don’t even trust their own shadows? A lot of people withhold trust as a form of protection…or so they think. Withholding trust hurts more than it protects.
“We are never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” – Walter Anderson
I want to zero in on trust in a dating/courtship relationship. Trust is the foundation for building a strong relationship…trusting your partner means you have placed your faith/confidence in him/her. You expect loyalty, respect, honesty, integrity. You expect your partner to keep promises and to stay with you through thick and thin.
How to build Trust in a relationship -
Trust should be earned…don’t be blinded to totally/completely trust someone you just met. The more you know about this person, the clearer it becomes if they should be trusted. “Trust has to be earned, and should come only after the passage of time” –Arthur Ashe
How to build Trust in a relationship -
Trust should be earned…don’t be blinded to totally/completely trust someone you just met. The more you know about this person, the clearer it becomes if they should be trusted. “Trust has to be earned, and should come only after the passage of time” –Arthur Ashe
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt – We all have our baggage, acquired from our past experiences, fears, hurts, wounds, disappointments and we tend to bring them into new relationships. Taking it out on new, seemingly innocent, people. If your past boyfriend was a jerk…don’t assume that the new guy is a jerk as well. If your past girlfriend cheated on you, that does not make all women promiscuous. Trust but verify – Ronald Reagan
Don’t abuse access - What you do with access granted or information shared with you determines if you should be trusted. So he/she shared something with you in confidence and it is already trending within your circle of friends…what would happen to trust if he/she finds out?
Grow up – Know what means something and what doesn’t. The fact that her boss dropped her off does not necessarily mean she is dating him. If you are that paranoid, you may have to deal with your trust issues first before getting in a mature relationship. Have you seen people whose imaginations start running wild the moment they cannot reach their partners on the phone? They start piecing things together, making movies in their minds. “When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. But I have put away my childish ways." - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Learn to reward faithfulness – if they have done well with the little you shared or trusted them with, share more. “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much” – Luke 16:10
Build Integrity – Do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it. When your partner knows he/she can trust whatever comes out of your mouth without hesitation, then you are building an unshakable bond. “But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No’…” – Matthew 5:37
Apologize/Forgive – Make it a habit. Nobody is perfect and there are times we will mess up. Talk it through with your partner and apologize when you’ve erred. Sincere apology builds trust
Balance – let there be balance between how much both of you share. Trust is not built when only one person shares…the sharing shouldn’t be one-sided. He already knows your Social Security Number but you have no idea what his middle name is. “…Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” – Luke 12:48
Show that you are trustworthy – Let your partner know that you have their best interests at heart. The more you do this, the more you appear as someone he/she can count on.
Learn to say NO – know the obligations you cannot fulfill and let your partner know. You cannot do everything all the time…take a stand, don’t take on more than you can handle. It breaks the trust when you don’t deliver.
Don’t be complicated – your partner is not a mind reader. Don’t leave him/her to wonder or guess what needs to be done or what you really want. Don’t set 'uncommunicated expectations'…they set people up for failure.
Speak Life – speak life into your relationship “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21. “From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things…” Proverbs 13:2
Avoid unnecessary secrecy – hiding things that need not be hidden, passwording devices, sneaking out to take calls, using ‘coded words’ when taking calls. Don’t give anyone any reason to start suspecting you…if truly there is nothing to hide, STOP HIDING THINGS. To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved –George McDonald
Reassurance – There are times that events would make trust waver…learn to reassure your partner that all is well and the love is still intact.
Chastity – A relationship that is built on chastity will have less trust issues than a relationship smeared with pre-marital sex. I watched this TV show where a guy came home unannounced and met his girlfriend’s ex in the house. He didn’t see them doing anything but he moved out of the house. After the baby was born and the paternity test proved that he’s the father he was asked why he did not trust the girlfriend. He said he slept with her the day he met her and on that day, she would have slept with anybody. Dear single lady, If he got it cheap, that’s how much value he’ll place on it.
If you have been burned in the past and find it hard to trust again, you are not alone…it is normal for your heart to want to protect itself from such hurt. Pray to God for guidance, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and learn to trust again. Learn to rebuild trust. The only cure for betrayal is TRUST. Let go of the memories that make it difficult to trust again. “But one thing I do; forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…’ Philippians 3:13-14
Don’t abuse access - What you do with access granted or information shared with you determines if you should be trusted. So he/she shared something with you in confidence and it is already trending within your circle of friends…what would happen to trust if he/she finds out?
Grow up – Know what means something and what doesn’t. The fact that her boss dropped her off does not necessarily mean she is dating him. If you are that paranoid, you may have to deal with your trust issues first before getting in a mature relationship. Have you seen people whose imaginations start running wild the moment they cannot reach their partners on the phone? They start piecing things together, making movies in their minds. “When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. But I have put away my childish ways." - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Learn to reward faithfulness – if they have done well with the little you shared or trusted them with, share more. “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much” – Luke 16:10
Build Integrity – Do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it. When your partner knows he/she can trust whatever comes out of your mouth without hesitation, then you are building an unshakable bond. “But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No’…” – Matthew 5:37
Apologize/Forgive – Make it a habit. Nobody is perfect and there are times we will mess up. Talk it through with your partner and apologize when you’ve erred. Sincere apology builds trust
Balance – let there be balance between how much both of you share. Trust is not built when only one person shares…the sharing shouldn’t be one-sided. He already knows your Social Security Number but you have no idea what his middle name is. “…Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” – Luke 12:48
Show that you are trustworthy – Let your partner know that you have their best interests at heart. The more you do this, the more you appear as someone he/she can count on.
Learn to say NO – know the obligations you cannot fulfill and let your partner know. You cannot do everything all the time…take a stand, don’t take on more than you can handle. It breaks the trust when you don’t deliver.
Don’t be complicated – your partner is not a mind reader. Don’t leave him/her to wonder or guess what needs to be done or what you really want. Don’t set 'uncommunicated expectations'…they set people up for failure.
Speak Life – speak life into your relationship “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21. “From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things…” Proverbs 13:2
Avoid unnecessary secrecy – hiding things that need not be hidden, passwording devices, sneaking out to take calls, using ‘coded words’ when taking calls. Don’t give anyone any reason to start suspecting you…if truly there is nothing to hide, STOP HIDING THINGS. To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved –George McDonald
Reassurance – There are times that events would make trust waver…learn to reassure your partner that all is well and the love is still intact.
Chastity – A relationship that is built on chastity will have less trust issues than a relationship smeared with pre-marital sex. I watched this TV show where a guy came home unannounced and met his girlfriend’s ex in the house. He didn’t see them doing anything but he moved out of the house. After the baby was born and the paternity test proved that he’s the father he was asked why he did not trust the girlfriend. He said he slept with her the day he met her and on that day, she would have slept with anybody. Dear single lady, If he got it cheap, that’s how much value he’ll place on it.
If you have been burned in the past and find it hard to trust again, you are not alone…it is normal for your heart to want to protect itself from such hurt. Pray to God for guidance, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and learn to trust again. Learn to rebuild trust. The only cure for betrayal is TRUST. Let go of the memories that make it difficult to trust again. “But one thing I do; forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…’ Philippians 3:13-14
Picture Credit (Jasbindar Singh)
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