The word respect, as a noun, means a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important or serious and should be treated in an appropriate way. As a verb, it means to admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
In relationships, people approach respect from the perspective of what they should be “getting”…forgetting that it has a “giving” component as well. Respect has both inlet and outlet; that is why it is not demanded…instead it is reciprocated. There should never be a point where you get so close to someone that respect is off the table. We all need respect, especially from those who are closest and most intimately connected with us.
Romans 13: 7 says “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed”
Respect is not achievable without humility…at the same time; respect is not attainable for someone that lacks self-esteem. Self-esteem is not the same thing as being full of oneself. However, it is good to have an unshakeable conviction that your thoughts, feelings and even your body deserve respect. If you are truly convinced that you are worthy of respect, people are unlikely to doubt it. To be respected, you have to KNOW that you deserve respect.
Respect is deeper than speaking politely to others or a child obeying his/her parents. True respect always seeks to validate the respected; making them feel safe and affirmed within the relationship. To truly be respected, we must also respect. If you can’t find anything in your partner worth respecting, I suggest you consider why you are even in the relationship.
When you respect someone -
You respect each other’s boundaries. A boundary is a line that a person does not want crossed…for example, a girl tells a boy she is not sleeping with him till they get married, that’s a boundary. The boy shows respect by not pestering her for sex. Boundaries are good for any relationship that will be healthy. Discounting the things that your partner is passionate about is also crossing the boundary. You can discuss such things, if you feel they are overdoing it, but don’t make him/her feel like it’s not important.
You do not disregard their good qualities and amplify their flaws. Nobody is perfect and there are times that we will let our partners down. When he/she falls short, affirm the good qualities/positive contributions to the relationship over the flaws. It shows respect, it lowers the person’s defenses and makes it easier to resolve the issue
You compromise. You do not always have to be right…when you are wrong, please admit it. Learn how to agree to disagree. Don’t throw a fit because you’re wrong…don’t gloat too when you are right. The important thing is that both of you listen to each other and value what each person has to say. Nobody is right 100% of the time…even a stopped watch is right twice a day. There are times you have to be wrong as a sign of respect to your partner (if you know what I mean). What’s more important…your opinion or your relationship? Philippians 2: 4 says “…Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”
You choose your words carefully. Words are powerful and how they are used in a relationship shows respect or a lack of it. Words are like eggs, once broken, they are hard to put back together. So before you go on a ‘war of words’ with your partner, what are you trying to accomplish? Punishment? Change? Diplomacy is likely to achieve it, if change is your goal. You cannot claim to respect someone and say things anyhow…only inconsiderate people claim to be blunt when talking to others. If you are wise enough to conceal your ‘bluntness’ at the court when talking to the judge or when talking to your boss…it means your bluntness is selective. Say what’s on your mind without poisoning the mind of the person you are saying it to. Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear”. If what you want to say will not build up, is not relevant, or does not give grace to the hearer, shush!
You show consideration. Sincerity in compliments, thoughtfulness toward your partner, helping around the house…who said she has to be the one to cook dinner always? But if you are a kitchen disaster waiting to happen…help with other things. Value each other’s opinion
You treat them the way you want to be treated. You hate being called dumb but that’s the first thing that rolls off your tongue when you are quarrelling with people. Implementing this requires emotional restraint. Any mature relationship that will be successful/foster the growth of both people must be based on this principle. The Bible says “…Outdo one another in showing respect” Romans 12:10
Your word is your bond. Lies weaken trust in a relationship and ultimately weaken respect. Stop lying…stop breaking promises.
Let me end with this statement…”Respect means recognizing our own worth - and the worth of others. When we respect our partner, we are able to rise above pettiness, jealousy and cruelty. When we respect ourselves, we are able to transcend insecurity, defensiveness and fear. And respecting both ourselves and our partners enables us to build strong, lasting and mutually-supportive relationships” - National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (NHMRC)
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