Good girl, Bad boy

I remember this song, about the time I was leaving college…I think it was Wyclef Jean that sang it

“If this is the kind of love that my mom used to warn me about, man I’m in trouble…I’m in real big trouble”

It sounded like a girl with good upbringing that found herself in a relationship with a bad boy. There is a part of the song that talks about all the trouble the girl could get into for being with this guy and she ended it with “But every time I look into your eyes…then it's worth the sacrifice”

Really?

Why should love be that complicated?

Why should a girl put herself in such a precarious position all in the name of love?

How many good girl-bad boy relationship end well?

How many times have you seen a girl with a guy and you wondered what she was thinking, being with him.

As a girl, you want a good marriage, good home and a good life but you specialize in dating bad boys…how can the math add up?

A bad boy is a man who seems outwardly attractive, but unwilling to offer sacrificial love in a relationship. He is immature, selfish and lacks character; hence unable to genuinely show compassion, concern or acceptance.

We all know that most good girls have ‘something’ for bad boys...it’s a feeling you have to get rid of. You just have to put your feelings in the trunk and let wisdom and common sense ride along in the car.

Reasons good girls date bad boys

1. It starts will what Hollywood and Romantic novels put in our heads…they paint the picture of excitement and fun and make bad boys irresistibly charming. They are witty, laid-back about everything and the ones who strut with major confidence. These movies and books make the moody, hard-faced guys the hero; the guys with problems, the guys with unresolved anger, the guys with commitment issues, the guys with a chip on their shoulders, even the vampire (remember team Edward?) – and they make it look like you can have the mythical happy ending with these kinda guys.

Who remembers ‘Uncle Jesse’ in the family sitcom,  Full House? Every little girl prefers him to the likes of Joey and Danny. My daughter once said “Uncle Jesse is so cool” I laughed and explained things to her…I know she is young but I had to let her know what a real man is/isn’t.

When a guy that seems not to care about anyone suddenly tells you he cares about you and shows you his soft side, it’s as if you've won his stamp of approval. The truth is this, even bad boys know the effect they have on good girls and they know how to make the most of it.

Bad boys know what a good girl wants to hear.

Bad boys know how to draw good girls to themselves

Bad boys understand the principle of ‘opposites attract’…as a good girl, he represents everything you’re not and it makes you want him more. You are edgy and uptight, he’s relaxed; you are meticulous, he is careless; you are predictable, he is spontaneous, you get the drift?.

So when he treats you ‘unexpectedly’ well, it makes you feel on top of the world.

Always remember that ‘Bad boys’ are one step ahead and to them, it’s a game. Don’t be fooled by their charming ways. Soon enough, they will be on to their next ‘victim’.

Are bad boys irredeemable? Nope

I have seen a handful of bad boys that changed after being with good girls but majority of them mess these girls up and move on.

If God has brought a bad boy your way that He intends to change by him (the boy) being close to you…No problem. Focus on that assignment and don’t mix it with dating (at least not yet). If it’s becoming ‘too hot to handle’ get others involved. Don’t drown in your quest to save someone from drowning. Let the spirit of God guide you, it is God that saves people not us.

2. Another things that makes good girls vulnerable is this desire to step forward and try to rescue that sort of individual. It is very appealing to the nurturer inside of a woman. You see him as a project and want to be ‘the mother’ that will set him straight or try to help him find his way. Some girls like bad boys because they think they can 'fix them'...the truth is, nobody can fix anybody; they are not cars and you are not a mechanic. It is impossible to make a man change his character…he could pretend and fake integrity for a while but a man will only grow up when he makes that decision himself. Girls that date bad boys usually believe that they are immune to the consequences of his character. Unfortunately, the girlfriends are usually the ones who end up suffering the most hurt. They keep hanging on to the relationship believing that their sacrifices will encourage him to change.

3. “Danger sweetens the brew. Makes it more delicious.” Some people just like to live on the edge and live wild. Just like some people love the adrenaline rush, some girls enjoy dating bad boys. The thrill, the fun, the suspense and the ‘reflected glory’ (how his image rubs off on them). As fun as these things sound, it’s a myopic view of life. It shows a lack of foresight or discernment. What if you get in trouble and you spend the rest of your life paying for the thrill of one day? Is it really worth it?

4. Rebelling against upbringing. Some girls do it just to show that they make their own choices in life and to assert independence. This could be due to having a very strict/conservative upbringing. However, such a decision could have dire consequences. Parents should also tone it down a little bit and allow their children to also learn by making personal mistakes. Don’t just program them as robots, teach your children how to make good choices. The Bible says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4

As a child of God, let this Bible verse determine the person you want to date, ”Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14

When you are dating someone, you are essentially saying ‘my values are the same as your values ”Bad communication corrupts good character” -1 Corinthians 15:33

Diligently guard your heart - we have to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences every other area of our life. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Proverbs 4:23

Lastly there is this funny quote “Every girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her…”

That’s like saying I want a gun that will not shoot when I am the target, you cannot eat your cake and have it Matthew 7:18 says “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit”