Passion Without Burden

A Passion to Teach Without a Burden to Study Is a Desire to Perform

The Bible says in Ezra 7:10 "For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the Lord, and to do it and to teach his statutes and rules in Israel."

There is a difference between those who teach because they are burdened by truth and those who teach because they are enamored by the platform. One is driven by conviction, the other by performance.

Ezra was not just a teacher; he was a student first. He set his heart—not just his mind, not just his schedule, but his very heart—to study God's law. He didn't rush to teach before he had immersed himself in the Word, lived it, and allowed it to shape him. His teaching was not a performance but an overflow of personal transformation.

But today, how many rush to teach before they have learned? How many crave the microphone but not the meditation? How many seek an audience but not the altar?

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they taught without transformation (Matthew 23:3). They could recite the law but failed to live it. They loved to be called “Rabbi” but were not burdened by the weight of truth.

Teaching is not a stage; it is stewardship. It is a responsibility that demands reverence. If we are not first students, we have no business being teachers. If we do not carry the weight of study, we should not bear the title of teacher.

Before you teach, ask yourself:

• Have I truly studied this, or am I just repeating what I’ve heard?
• Has this word transformed me, or am I only trying to impress others?
• Do I desire to glorify God, or do I crave recognition?

Ezra studied, then he obeyed, and only then did he teach. That is the order. Let us not be teachers who love the sound of our own voices but lack the burden of truth. Let us be students first, transformed first, obedient first—so that when we do teach, it is not a performance, but a pouring out of what God has first done in us.

Teach from the overflow, not from an empty well.

Obedience Over Sacrifice in Marriage

It’s easy to overcompensate with sacrifice when we lack obedience. We throw in grand gestures, acts of service, and even personal suffering to make up for what simple obedience would have accomplished. But the Bible reminds us:

“To obey is better than sacrifice.” – 1 Samuel 15:22

This applies deeply to marriage. Obedience in marriage isn’t just about following rules; it’s about aligning with God’s design for love, unity, and partnership.

What Are We to Obey in Marriage?

As a couple, we are to obey God’s blueprint for marriage:

1. Love and Respect – Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). Wives, respect your husbands (Ephesians 5:33).
2. Unity – “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). Agreement strengthens the marriage (Amos 3:3).
3. Faithfulness – Not just in action but in heart (Matthew 5:28).
4. Forgiveness – Just as Christ forgave us (Colossians 3:13).
5. Submission to God – A marriage centered on Christ is unshakable (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

The Sacrifices We Offer Instead

When we struggle with obedience, we try to compensate with sacrifices:

• Instead of loving sacrificially, we provide financial security or gifts.
• Instead of respect, we serve tirelessly yet resentfully.
• Instead of open communication, we offer silence to “keep the peace.”
• Instead of forgiveness, we bury hurts and pretend they don’t exist.
• Instead of prioritizing our spouse, we pour everything into work, ministry, serving in church, or parenting as an escape.

These sacrifices might look noble, but they don’t replace the simple obedience that leads to true intimacy and oneness.

Choosing Obedience Over Sacrifice

Sacrifice in and of itself isn’t wrong—even Jesus Himself sacrificed for us. But His sacrifice was rooted in obedience (Philippians 2:8). The power in our marriage isn’t in what we “give up” but in what we align with—God’s will.

What if, instead of overcompensating, we simply obey?

What if we love without withholding?
What if we respect without conditions?
What if we communicate instead of avoiding?
What if we forgive as we have been forgiven?

Marriage flourishes not because of how much we sacrifice, but because of how much we obey.

Which sacrifices have I been offering in place of obedience? 🤔🤔🤔

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

All Your Attention vs. Your Full Attention.

"Eskis Sir" (Can I have your attention sir) Your Wife Doesn’t Need All Your Attention—Just Your Full Attention

There’s a difference.

Many of us are physically present but mentally absent. We sit next to our spouse, but our mind is on work. We nod along while scrolling through our phone. We say “I’m listening,” but we’re really just waiting for our turn to speak.

Quality trumps quantity ALWAYS.

When someone gives you their full attention, in that moment, you are the MOST IMPORTANT person in their world.

When Jesus engaged with people, He didn’t try to be everywhere at once, but when He was with someone, they had His full presence. The woman at the well (John 4)? He saw her. Zacchaeus in the tree (Luke 19)? He stopped for him. The bleeding woman in the crowd (Luke 8)? He turned and gave her His full attention.

Marriage needs this kind of presence.

Husbands, your wife doesn’t need you to quit your job, cancel your friendships, or abandon your personal growth in the name of giving her all your attention. She just needs to know that when she has your attention, she has all of it. That means putting the phone down, looking into her eyes, listening—not just hearing.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV) says,
"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun..."

Enjoying life together isn’t about never looking away—it’s about being fully present when it matters.

So today, give your wife your full attention—not just whatever’s left over after distractions. I'll start doing the same. 

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Manipulation in Marriage: A Silent Killer of Trust

I saw this quote and it stuck "Manipulation is when someone blames you for your reaction to their toxic behavior without addressing what they did that triggered the reaction."

Marriage was designed by God to be a relationship of love, truth, and mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21). Yet, manipulation—whether subtle or overt—can creep in, poisoning intimacy and eroding trust.

Should Christian Couples Manipulate?

The answer is a resounding NO. Love does not manipulate; it liberates. 1st Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Manipulation, on the other hand, seeks control rather than connection, self-interest rather than selflessness.

But here’s the hard truth: manipulation is often subconscious. We may not even recognize when we’re doing it; things like guilt-tripping, withholding affection, playing the victim, or twisting words to get our way. Even subtle tactics, like exaggerating hurt to win an argument or using silence as punishment, can be forms of manipulation.

How Do We Guard Against This?

1. Examine The Heart - The Bible says “The heart is deceitful above all things…” (Jeremiah 17:9). Ask God to reveal any manipulative tendencies in you. Do you twist situations to make yourself look better? Do you guilt-trip your spouse into compliance? Honest self-reflection with the Holy Spirit is the first step.

2. Communicate With Candor and Grace - There's a whole post on Candor. Instead of manipulation, practice healthy communication (Colossians 4:6). If something bothers you, express it directly rather than through passive-aggressive behavior. "Speak the truth in love..." (Ephesians 4:15).

3. Reject the Blame Game - If you’ve wronged your spouse, own it. Don’t shift blame or make them feel guilty for being hurt. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, and sin entered (Genesis 3:12-13). Healing begins when we take responsibility.

4. Choose Servant-Hearted Love - A manipulative spouse tries to win; a godly spouse seeks to love. Instead of seeking control, seek to serve (Philippians 2:3-4). 

5. Pray - "Reveal me to me" is one powerful prayer that we should always pray as children of God. Some manipulative behaviors stem from past wounds. Pray for God to heal your heart and reveal when you’re being influenced by fear, insecurity, or past trauma rather than love and truth.

Manipulation has no place in a marriage built on Christ. True love doesn’t coerce, trick, or twist—it trusts, sacrifices, and builds up.

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good." —Romans 12:9

A good question to ask ourselves: Am I influencing my spouse in love, or manipulating them in fear? The difference could make or break the trust in your marriage.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Not Everything Needs a Reason.

As humans, we have a deep desire to make sense of the things happening around us. When life throws curveballs, our minds immediately start searching for reasons—cause and effect, logic and explanations.

But what if some things aren't meant to be "figured out"?

Job's story is a perfect example. When his world collapsed, his friends came, not just to comfort him, but to analyze his suffering. Surely, they thought, there must be a reason—maybe hidden sin, maybe divine punishment. They assigned meaning where there was none, speaking with confidence about things they did not understand.

Until God showed up.

And when He did, He didn’t give Job the why behind his suffering. Instead, He reminded Job of who He is.

"Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand." — Job 38:4

Sometimes, our need for answers leads us to conclusions that are not only wrong but also unhelpful. We speculate, we assume, we create "logical" explanations for things that may be beyond human logic.

But maybe, just maybe, faith isn’t about understanding everything. Maybe it’s about trusting God even when nothing makes sense.

Maybe it’s about resting in the fact that God knows, even when we don’t.

So the next time you find yourself scrambling for explanations, pause. Maybe the answer isn’t yours to figure out. Maybe it’s an invitation to trust the One who holds all things in His hands.

Some things don’t need a reason. They just need faith.

Being vs. Doing in Marriage: A Delicate Dance

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines DOING as the act of performing or executing...while it defines BEING as the quality or state of having existence.

In marriage, there are things to be and things to do. The balance between being a husband or wife and doing the things a husband or wife should do is what makes a marriage thrive.

Many couples, however, get stuck in one side of the equation. Some are so focused on doing—acts of service, provision, parenting, and fulfilling responsibilities—that they lose the essence of being a loving, present, and emotionally connected spouse. Others lean so much into being—the identity of a husband or wife—that they neglect the practical actions that keep a marriage healthy and strong.

There is a CALL to BE

The Bible consistently reminds us that our identity precedes our actions. Before God calls us to do, He calls us to be.

Be kind and compassionate (Ephesians 4:32)

Be humble and gentle (Ephesians 4:2)

Be patient and forgiving (Colossians 3:13)

Be imitators of God, walking in love (Ephesians 5:1-2)

Being a husband or wife means embodying these virtues at the core. A man is not merely a husband because he provides financially; he is a husband because he carries the heart of a husband—loving, protecting, and leading in godliness (Ephesians 5:25). A woman is not merely a wife because she manages the home; she is a wife because she nurtures, respects, and builds up her husband (Proverbs 31:11-12, Ephesians 5:33).

There is a NEED to DO

While being is foundational, doing is necessary. Love is not just a noun; it is also a verb. The Bible does not just describe love; it commands action:

Husbands, love your wives (Ephesians 5:25)

Wives, respect your husbands (Ephesians 5:33)

Bear with one another (Colossians 3:13)

Serve one another humbly in love (Galatians 5:13)

Doing involves the daily choices—serving without keeping score, apologizing first, listening with patience, and speaking with grace. These are not just one-time actions but continuous expressions of commitment.

What Stands In The Way Of Being?

1. Busyness: When we become drowned in schedules and responsibilities, we lose the presence and intimacy needed to be a husband or wife in the truest sense.

2. Bitterness & Unforgiveness: Holding onto past wounds creates walls that prevent true connection. We may still do what’s expected, but our hearts are distant.

3. Identity Crisis: When our identity is tied to roles rather than God’s design, we can lose the heart of who we are meant to be.

What Stands In The Way Of Doing?

1. Emotional Disconnect: With emotional disconnect, it's just a matter of time before the actions begin to fade and we start to see - less kindness, less service, less intentionality.

2. Complacency: In Nigeria, it's called "see finish". When couples grow too comfortable, they may stop putting in the effort to serve and cherish one another.

3. Selfishness: When personal desires take priority over sacrificial love, actions of love diminish.

Jesus embodied this balance of BEING and DOING perfectly. He was the Good Shepherd, and because of who He was, He did—He laid down His life for His sheep (John 10:11). Our marriages must follow the same rhythm: who we are must fuel what we do, and what we do must reinforce who we are.

A thriving marriage is not built on one without the other. We must be in Christ so that we can do in love. When we rest in our God-given roles, the actions of love flow naturally. And when we consistently do the work of love, our hearts become more deeply entwined.

So today, let's ask ourselves:

Am I only doing, but not being?

Am I claiming to be, but neglecting to do?

What do I need to be more intentional about in my marriage?

What do I need to do to reinforce my commitment?

May we all find the harmony between being and doing, walking in love as Christ has called us (Ephesians 5:2).

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks

Breaking the Cycle: Taking Responsibility in Marriage Without Waiting for Your Spouse

One of the most common roadblocks in marriage is the mindset of “Why should I do my part if they aren’t doing theirs?” It’s a thought that subtly creeps in when expectations aren’t met, when efforts feel one-sided, or when past disappointments cloud present choices.

It’s totally human to want fairness, to want reciprocation. But when a husband or wife waits for the other to change before they do, marriage enters a dangerous cycle of stagnation, resentment, and unmet needs.

This mindset often manifests as cross-complaining—the act of countering one concern with another, avoiding personal responsibility, and shifting the focus away from what we ourselves can do to improve the relationship. Instead of asking, "How can I love better?" the default response becomes, "Well, what about them?"

But here’s the hard truth: Marriage isn’t transactional. It’s covenantal. And a covenant calls us to give even when we don’t immediately receive.

Jesus never called us to love based on merit. In fact, His love for us is despite our failures, not because of our worthiness. If we are to mirror Christ in marriage, then we must embrace the principle of personal responsibility in love—choosing to do what is right regardless of whether our spouse is doing the same. We are all familiar with these scriptures:

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
• “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
• “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Notice something? Nowhere does it say, "Husbands, love your wives, but only if she is submitting to you." Nor does it say, "Wives, respect your husbands, but only if he is being loving enough." The command stands independent of the other person’s actions.

When we wait for the other to "do better" first, our marriage suffers in several ways:

1. The relationship becomes conditional. Love turns into a bargaining chip rather than a Christlike commitment.
2. Bitterness takes root. The heart hardens as unmet expectations build up, making it harder to act in love.
3. Distance grows. When each person stops pouring into the marriage, intimacy, trust, and connection slowly erode.
4. The enemy gains ground. Satan thrives in division (Mark 3:25). A divided marriage is vulnerable to external attacks, from temptations to emotional disconnect.

But when one person chooses to take responsibility—choosing love, kindness, patience, and selflessness even when it’s not reciprocated—it creates an atmosphere where change is possible.

Love is meant to LEAD, not react. The world’s version of love reacts: "You give, then I’ll give."

God’s version of love leads: "I give because it’s who I’m called to be."

Jesus didn’t wait for us to be lovable before loving us. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) If Christ’s love for us had been based on our perfection, we would have been doomed. Yet, He loved first, and His love transformed us.

In marriage, someone has to lead in love. Someone has to decide, "I will love, honor, serve, respect, and cherish—not because my spouse has earned it, but because God has called me to it."

This doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior or enabling sin. It means refusing to let someone else’s shortcomings dictate your obedience to God’s design for marriage.

You Can Say "But it’s unfair..."

• Do it unto the Lord. “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” (Colossians 3:23)
• Sow what you want to reap. “A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7) Even if your spouse isn’t responding now, seeds of love and kindness often bear fruit in time.
• Trust God with the results. “Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Break the Cycle and Choose to Love

Marriage is not about fairness; it’s about faithfulness. When one person chooses to lead in love, it creates a shift in the relationship. Hearts soften. Conversations change. Healing begins. And even if the other person never changes, you can stand before God knowing you did what He called you to do.

So the next time you’re tempted to say, “What about them?”—pause. Instead, ask, “Lord, what about me? How can I love as You love?”

Because at the end of the day, our obedience is not measured by our spouse’s actions, but by our faithfulness to God’s call. And that’s a love that can change everything.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Marriage Transformed: Renewed Minds, Contained Emotions, and Surrendered Wills

My Pastor always starts his sermons with this prayer "...by the reason of your word, we will have our minds renewed, our emotions contained, our will surrendered, and we will never be the same"

This got me thinking 🤔 

Every marriage is shaped by the state of the hearts and minds within it. Apostle Paul, in Romans 12:2, urges us:

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Marriage is not immune to the need for transformation. In fact, it thrives on it. When two people come together, their union is not just a merging of lives but a refining process—a journey of becoming more like Christ in how they think, feel, and choose.

1. The Place of a Renewed Mind in Marriage

A renewed mind means seeing marriage through the lens of God’s truth, not personal opinions, cultural norms, or past experiences. It means replacing selfish thinking with sacrificial love, trading worldly wisdom for divine principles, and allowing God’s Word to reshape how we perceive our spouse.

Instead of "I deserve to be served," a renewed mind says, "How can I serve?" (Mark 10:45)

Instead of "I need to be understood before I listen," a renewed mind says, "Let me listen with understanding first." (James 1:19)

Instead of "Marriage is about my happiness," a renewed mind says, "Marriage is about reflecting Christ’s love." (Ephesians 5:25)

With a renewed mind, we stop reacting based on past wounds or cultural expectations and start responding based on the Spirit’s wisdom. It aligns our perspective with God’s design, ensuring that we approach conflicts, intimacy, and companionship with a kingdom mindset rather than a carnal one.

2. The Place of Contained Emotions in Marriage

Love is not just a feeling...it is a choice, a commitment, and often, a discipline. While emotions are real and God-given, they should never lead a marriage; they should be led by the Spirit. Proverbs 25:28 warns,

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

In marriage, uncontained emotions can be destructive:

Uncontrolled anger wounds deeply. ("Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." – Ephesians 4:26)

Resentment builds walls between hearts. ("Bear with one another and forgive one another." – Colossians 3:13)

Fear stifles intimacy. ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." – 1 John 4:18)

A marriage where emotions run wild is like a storm-tossed sea—unpredictable and unsafe. But when emotions are surrendered to the Holy Spirit, they become a force for connection rather than division. Contained emotions allow for healthy communication, deepened trust, and the ability to weather storms together rather than against each other.

3. The Place of a Surrendered Will in Marriage

At the core of every marriage battle is a battle of wills—who gets their way? But marriage was never designed to be a contest of dominance. True unity is found when both spouses surrender their wills, not just to each other, but to God.

Jesus exemplified this in Luke 22:42, saying,

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

Surrendering our will in marriage does not mean passivity or losing one’s identity; rather, it means yielding to God’s higher plan:

It means choosing peace over proving a point. (Romans 12:18)

It means laying down pride to preserve unity. (Philippians 2:3)

It means letting go of the need to always be right and embracing humility. (James 4:6)

A marriage where both spouses surrender their wills to God is a marriage free from unnecessary power struggles. Instead of "my way vs. your way," the goal becomes God’s way. When both partners yield to His design, they experience the true harmony and oneness that marriage was meant to reflect.

When our minds are renewed, our emotions contained, and our wills surrendered, our marriages cannot remain the same. They become a living testimony of God’s grace, love, and transformative power.

A renewed mind sees marriage as God sees it.

Contained emotions prevent destruction and foster connection.

A surrendered will invites God’s peace and direction.

If we make this our daily pursuit, then truly, "by reason of His Word, we will never be the same."

May our marriages reflect this transformation, bringing glory to God and joy to our union. Amen. 🙏 

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Love in Action: The Power of Bearing One Another’s Burdens

My Pastor said this in church yesterday "Love is powerful. Love in action is even more powerful."

In Mark 2:3-11, we see four friends who refused to let obstacles stand in the way of their paralyzed friend’s healing. The crowd was thick, the door was blocked, but love doesn’t stop at inconvenience. They climbed a roof, tore it open, and lowered him down before Jesus. Their faith—demonstrated through action—moved the heart of Jesus, and their friend was healed.

Contrast this with John 5:1-9, where a man had been paralyzed for 38 years, waiting by the pool of Bethesda. When Jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed, his response was heartbreaking:

"Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me." (John 5:7)

For 38 years, he had no one. No helping hands, no friends lowering him through a roof, no one willing to bear his burden. Yet Jesus, full of love and power, spoke healing into his life.

These two stories show us something profound: love isn’t just about feeling; it’s about doing.

"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

As couples, we often say “I love you.” And that’s good. But do we go beyond words? Do we actively seek out ways to lift each other’s burdens, just as Christ calls us to?

• Love is listening when your spouse is overwhelmed.

• Love is showing up when they are weary.

• Love is praying when they are too weak to pray.

• Love is supporting when they feel like they’re drowning.

• Love is taking action, even when it's inconvenient.

Love isn’t just butterflies in my tummy or a beautiful feeling; it’s a relentless force that climbs roofs, tears through barriers, and does whatever it takes to bring healing, wholeness, and restoration.

Marriage thrives when love is more than words—when it is demonstrated daily.

So today, ask yourself:

"How can I lower my spouse through the roof?"

"How can I bear their burden, not just in words, but in action?"

Because love that is acted upon is the love that transforms.

#LoveInAction #BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks 

Love Languages: Are they Innate, Learned, or Inflicted?

I'm sure we've all read/heard about the 5 love languages...but have you ever wondered why we crave love in specific ways? Are love languages wired into us from birth, shaped by what we had growing up, or a response to what we lacked?

Does the one who was starved of affirming words grow up yearning for them, or is it the one who was showered with them that comes to expect love in that form? Do gifts mean more to the child who received them frequently, or to the one who rarely did?

The Bible tells us that "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Love is not self-originating; it is modeled, received, and then given. If this is true, then how we receive love—and how we struggle to receive it—might be deeply tied to our experiences.

Nature or Nurture?

Psychologists suggest that love languages are often shaped by childhood experiences. What we lacked may create a longing. What we had may form an expectation. But neither is permanent.

The Word of God shows that love is not merely a function of personality or experience—it is transformational.

• "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26).
• "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2).

God's love REWIRES us. Experiences may shape us, but they do not have to define us permanently.

Are People Set in Their Ways?

Some say, "This is just how I am. My love language is my love language." But in marriage, love is a CALLING to understand, adapt, and grow.
Paul writes: "Love does not insist on its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). True love stretches beyond personal preferences.

• If my spouse’s love language is different from mine, do I dismiss it because it is unnatural to me?
• If my love language comes from a place of brokenness, do I allow healing to reshape me?
• Do I love in a way that is convenient, or in a way that is meaningful to the one I claim to love?

Jesus, the ultimate model of love, did not love people in a single, fixed way. 

He spoke words of affirmation ("You are the light of the world" – Matthew 5:14)

He showed acts of service (washing the disciples’ feet – John 13:5) 

He spent quality time (walking with two disciples to Emmaus – Luke 24:13-35)

He gave gifts (the Holy Spirit – John 14:26), and...

He expressed physical touch (John, one of His disciples, rested on His bosom – John 13:23). 

Jesus met people in the way they needed love.

What This Means In Marriage

Marriage is not about how I want to be loved, but how I can love like Christ.

• Love languages may be a reflection of our past, but they should not be a restriction for our future.
• They help us understand, but they should not be an excuse to demand.
• The goal is not to get love the way we prefer, but to learn to love in a way that reflects Jesus.

If love is truly from God, then it is not just what we feel comfortable with—but what we are willing to become.

"Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:14).

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks