Love That’s Better Than Wine

Ever thought of your spouse and couldn’t help but smile? Or felt that nervous excitement just thinking about them? Love has a way of igniting joy and stirring emotions deep within. Song of Solomon 1:2 says, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is better than wine."

Wine is often praised for its benefits: it supports heart health, sharpens memory, aids digestion, strengthens bones, and can even extend life. Yet, scripture boldly declares that love is better than wine—richer, deeper, and far more impactful.

If wine can heal the body, love does so much more—it heals the soul. Here's how:
• Love Strengthens the Heart
Just as wine improves physical heart health, love strengthens the emotional and spiritual heart of a marriage. Love fosters connection, softens hard places, and creates a bond that withstands the pressures of life.

• Love Sharpens the Mind
Like wine enhancing memory, love nurtures clarity and purpose. When love flows freely in a marriage, couples find themselves thinking clearer, planning together, and building a future in harmony.

• Love Heals and Restores
Wine helps with bodily ailments, but love goes beyond the physical. It brings forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace. A love rooted in Christ mends brokenness and creates space for growth.

• Love Sustains Life
Studies may show wine extending physical life, but love brings abundant life. It gives us something to live for, a partner to journey with, and joy that surpasses the highs of any drink.

How Love Benefits Couples
True love, anchored in God, is selfless, patient, and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). It creates a safe space for vulnerability, fuels dreams, and deepens intimacy. Love intoxicates, but its effects don’t wear off—instead, they multiply.

So, next time your heart flutters for your spouse, pause and thank God for a love that’s better than wine. CULTIVATE it. CHERISH it. Drink deeply of its goodness, and let it be a source of life, joy, and strength in your marriage.

Maybe we should dive deeper into things like
• How can we nurture a love that heals, restores, and sustains?
• What are some practical ways we can express love to our spouse on a daily?
Let's do that next week...until then

#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter #MarriageWorks.

Are We Loving Wrong?

1 Corinthians 13:5b says  – "Love is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs."

When we read these words, it’s natural to wonder: Am I loving the way God intended? How can I not keep record of wrongs?

In marriage, love often finds itself at the crossroads of past offenses and future hopes. We say we love, yet find ourselves keeping a mental list of wrongs, ready to bring them up when emotions run high. This begs the question: Is what we call love really love?

God’s Definition of Love
The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 is God’s standard, and yes, it applies to all forms of love, including the love between a husband and wife. God’s love is patient, kind, and forgiving. It doesn’t carry the weight of yesterday into today. It seeks to heal, not to hurt.

But let’s keep it real—this isn’t easy. The human heart naturally gravitates toward self-preservation, which often includes keeping a record of wrongs as a defense mechanism. Yet, the call of love is countercultural. It asks us to let go, to forgive, and to choose grace over grudges.

What About Past Issues?
Does this mean we should never bring up the past? Nah! The Bible doesn’t call us to ignore issues but to address them with love. When past hurts resurface, ask yourself: Am I bringing this up to build or to break?

When you bring up the past in marriage, let it be for healing, not for ammunition. Don't WEAPONIZE the past. Let it be a gentle reminder of where you’ve been and how far God’s grace can take you, not a chain to hold your spouse back.

A Love Beyond Scorekeeping
Keeping no record of wrongs doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means CHOOSING not to let those wrongs define your relationship. It’s about BREAKING the cycle of anger and resentment, allowing forgiveness to lead the way.

Consider Jesus’ words: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). Even in His deepest pain, He forgave without keeping score. Can we, as husbands and wives, reflect that same love?

When you’re tempted to bring up old wounds, pause and ask: Will this build or break my marriage?

Heavenly Father, teach us to love as You love—without keeping score, without anger, and with endless grace. Help us to see our spouse through Your eyes and to choose forgiveness over bitterness. Let Your love REDEFINE how we love...in Jesus' name. Amen.

True love is God’s love. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
#BeBetter #LoveBetter #DoBetter ##MarriageWorks

Beyond Functional: God’s Design for Marriage

Marriage is more than a functional arrangement; it’s a divine covenant designed to mirror God’s love for His people. While functionality—being practical and useful—is necessary, marriage is meant to be a life-giving relationship that goes beyond the basics of survival and utility. But what happens when a marriage feels like it’s “just functional”? And how can a couple move beyond that?

Is Marriage Supposed to Be Just Functional?

Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” God designed marriage for companionship, partnership, and purpose—not mere functionality. While there are seasons when a marriage may feel routine or transactional (e.g., raising kids, managing finances, or supporting each other during challenges), God’s design is for marriage to thrive, not just survive.

Are There Times We Have to Ensure It’s Functional?

Yes, practicality matters. In times of crisis, illness, or significant stress, ensuring the marriage functions—providing stability and support—might take precedence. However, if functionality becomes the norm rather than a temporary state, it can drain the joy and intimacy God intended.

How Sustainable Is “Just Functional”?

A marriage stuck in “just functional” mode can quickly lose its spark. Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” A marriage without joy or deeper connection risks becoming lifeless, where partners coexist rather than flourish.

Taking Marriage Beyond Functional

1. Pursue Intimacy with God and Each Other

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” A Christ-centered marriage brings depth and unity. Spend time praying together, studying God’s Word, and seeking His vision for your marriage.

2. Nurture Friendship and Fun

Song of Solomon 5:16 describes a spouse as both a lover and a friend. Find ways to laugh, play, and enjoy each other’s company. Shared experiences strengthen emotional bonds.

3. Communicate Beyond Logistics

Ephesians 4:29 urges us to speak words that build up. Move beyond discussing schedules and responsibilities to sharing dreams, fears, and spiritual journeys.

4. Invest in Romance

Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages delight in your spouse. Date nights, thoughtful gestures, and affirming words keep the romance alive.

5. Serve Each Other Selflessly

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition...rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Serving each other with love deepens trust and connection.

Father, in the name of Jesus, thank You for the gift of marriage. Help us to move beyond a functional relationship into a flourishing partnership that reflects Your love. Teach us to serve, cherish, and prioritize each other as You have called us to. May our marriage be a testimony of Your grace and goodness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter #MarriageWorks

True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

True Headship in Marriage: A Reflection of Christ's Love

The concept of headship in marriage is often misunderstood and misrepresented, leading to distortions of God’s perfect plan for this sacred union. Let’s go back to Scripture and see what being the head truly means in light of God’s Word.

Headship Reflects Christ

Ephesians 5:23 declares, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.” 

But what does Christ’s headship look like?

1. Selfless Sacrifice: Christ gave Himself up for the church (Ephesians 5:25). His leadership wasn’t about dominating or lording authority but about sacrificing for the good of His bride. Headship in marriage, therefore, is a responsibility to serve and protect, not a license to control or command.

2. Gentle Leadership: Jesus never coerced anyone into submission. Instead, He invited people with grace and humility, saying, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Husbands are called to lead their families in the same spirit of gentleness and love.

3. Empowering Partnership: Christ elevates and empowers the church to fulfill its God-given purpose. Similarly, a husband is to nurture his wife’s gifts, dreams, and calling, honoring her as a co-heir of God’s grace (1 Peter 3:7).

What Headship Is NOT

True headship does not look like dictatorship or tyranny. Jesus explicitly warned against this kind of leadership:

“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:25-26).

1 Peter 5:3 says leaders are not to “lord it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”

Headship is not about silencing or dismissing your wife’s voice. Proverbs 31:11-12 highlights the value of a wise, trusted wife who contributes to the household’s success. Joshua’s declaration, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15), was not an authoritarian statement but a spiritual commitment rooted in unity and godly conviction.

The Bible teaches Mutual Submission

Ephesians 5:21 reminds us to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” While there are distinct roles in marriage, both husband and wife are called to serve each other in humility and love.

Jesus modeled this perfectly when He washed His disciples’ feet, teaching them that leadership means servanthood (John 13:12-15). A husband’s headship is most Christ-like when it is sacrificial, compassionate, and self-giving.

The TRUE power of Headship lies in humility and service.

A husband who leads like Christ will:

Prioritize his wife’s well-being above his own (Philippians 2:3-4).

Listen to and value her wisdom, as Abraham did with Sarah (Genesis 21:12).

Seek God together with her, reflecting the oneness and unity God intended in marriage (Amos 3:3).

True headship is not about demanding obedience or sending anyone to their "father's house" when there’s disagreement. It’s about reflecting the love of Christ, who laid down His life for the church, leading with humility, and building up the family in unity and love. 

I am reminded of this statement from a good friend of mine "Marriage is run by scripture not culture"

Therefore, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). That’s the standard of headship God calls us to emulate.

#BeBetter #LoveBetter ##DoBetter #MarriageWorks

The Power of Agreement in Marriage

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" – Amos 3:3

Marriage thrives on agreement, not just surface-level consent but a deep, spiritual harmony that binds two hearts and minds toward a shared purpose. Agreement in marriage isn’t just about peace; it’s about power.

Scripture reveals this power when it says one can chase a thousand, but two can put ten thousand to flight (Deuteronomy 32:30). This exponential effect of agreement is a divine principle that magnifies our efforts, turning small victories into monumental triumphs. When a husband and wife align in vision, faith, and purpose, they create a force that’s not only unshakable but also unstoppable.

Yet, this unity is often under attack. The devil understands the stakes of agreement. He knows that a divided house cannot stand (Mark 3:25). He chips away at unity through misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and unchecked offenses. These small cracks, if left unaddressed, widen into chasms that separate hearts.

But agreement doesn’t mean the absence of conflict; it means the presence of intentionality. It’s choosing to prioritize the "we" over "me," even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s committing to reconciliation when emotions run high and seeking God’s wisdom when clarity feels distant.

Here are some intentional steps we can take to realign our marriage with God’s purpose. They will help in areas where agreement feels challenging. They will also actively protect our unity/bond from small, unnoticed attacks.

1. Pray Together – Make prayer a daily habit, asking God to align your hearts and minds. Pray for each other, pray with each other. It's hard to stay mad at someone you pray for/with.

2. Communicate Openly – Address small misunderstandings before they grow into conflicts. Nip things in the bud.

3. Stay 'Woke'– Recognize the enemy’s tactics and choose forgiveness over bitterness.

Unity is the glue that holds your marriage together and the fuel that propels it forward. Walk in agreement, knowing that together, you are stronger, more powerful, and equipped for every good work.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter ##BeBetter #MarriageWorks

Silencing the Noise: A Lesson for Married Couples

Who remembers the FOX interview where the guy said "when a man is married to a woman who screams like you they would want to die soon"?

The Bible says in Proverbs 21:19  "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife."

Marriage is a relationship,  a purpose-driven coming together, not a competition. Yet, in moments of frustration, it’s easy for tempers to flare and voices to rise. Yelling may feel like power in the moment, but it often silences the very message you are trying to convey. It drowns out love, respect, and understanding, leaving only resentment and regret in its wake.

A wise man once said, “Yelling is not a sign of intelligence. That you're louder doesn't mean you're smarter.” The essence of our words, no matter how valid, is often lost when delivered with anger or shouting.

As husbands and wives, we are called to communicate with grace and patience. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Our words have the power to heal or harm, to build or break.

Consider this: when communication turns into shouting matches, are we drawing our spouse closer, or pushing them into emotional isolation? Even in moments of frustration, we must remember that we’re not opponents in a debate, but allies in love.

Let us strive to speak with intention, not intensity. To listen more than we yell. To seek solutions rather than scoring points. Because a peaceful home is not built on the volume of our voices, but on the strength of our love and respect.

Reflection Questions:

1. How do I usually respond in moments of frustration with my spouse?

2. What steps can I take to communicate my feelings calmly, even when I feel unheard?

3. How can I invite God's wisdom into my communication with my spouse?

Heavenly Father, teach us to speak with kindness and listen with patience. Help us to build a home filled with understanding, not shouting. Let our words reflect Your love and bring peace to our marriage in Jesus' name. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

"Be Angry, But Do Not Sin" — A Marriage Perspective

It's a popular scripture - “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” — Ephesians 4:26

In any relationship that involves humans, anger is inevitable, even in marriage. When anger is handled poorly, it can fracture the bond between husband and wife. But Scripture shows us that anger itself isn’t the problem—how we respond to it determines whether we honor God or allow sin to creep in.

Anger that honors God? Sounds like an oxymoron, right?

To be angry WITHOUT sinning begins with humility. It’s a recognition that the goal isn’t to win an argument but to protect the unity of one's marriage. 

Here are some ways to express anger in a way that builds rather than breaks:

1. Pause Before You Respond: Anger can be impulsive, but James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Take time to pray and process before speaking. Not every issue requires an immediate response.

2. Speak Truth in Love: Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak truth, but truth delivered harshly can still wound. Ensure your words are seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).

3. Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Attack the problem, not your spouse. Avoid phrases like “You always” or “You never,” which place blame. Instead, use “I feel” statements to express how their actions affected you.

4. Forgive Quickly: Holding onto anger invites sin. Resolve to address and release it before the day ends, just as Christ forgives us.

While anger doesn’t differ between genders, the expression of it might.

Husbands may lean toward frustration when feeling disrespected (Ephesians 5:33). Their challenge is to lead with patience and love, even in disagreement.

Wives might feel anger tied to feeling undervalued or unseen. Their challenge is to express their needs without bitterness, trusting that their worth is rooted in Christ.

That sounded a bit complex...so let's try these practical steps:

Pray Together: When anger arises, pause and invite God into the moment. This shifts focus from blame to seeking resolution under His guidance.

Establish Boundaries for Conflict: Agree on “rules” like no name-calling or interrupting during discussions.

Seek Reconciliation, Not Retaliation: Remember, your spouse isn’t the enemy—Satan is. Unity in marriage glorifies God and defeats the enemy’s schemes.

Heavenly Father, teach us to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Help us steward our emotions in ways that bring healing, not harm, to our marriage and pur spouse. May our moments of conflict be opportunities to glorify You, in Jesus' name. Amen.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

Candor in Marriage II: When Honesty Meets Healing

Someone recently responded to my post on candor in marriage with a thought-provoking question:

"What if a person's spouse hates being told they are wrong? Wouldn't that mean, despite the best effort of their partner, they'd always feel hurt no matter how things are said? Should the spouse just refrain from pointing out what's wrong?"

This question struck a chord with me, and it reminded me of a story from my childhood. One of our pastors, newly married at the time, shared a deeply moving experience with my parents.

Early in their marriage, he noticed something unsettling—his wife seemed to be terrified of him. If he raised his voice, even slightly, or expressed any dissatisfaction, she would visibly shake. This troubled him deeply, so one day he sat her down, held her hands gently, and said words that forever changed their relationship:

"I am your husband. I will never hurt you. I am your safe space, and I will never let anyone hurt you."

Hearing this, his wife broke down in tears. Through her sobs, she shared her painful history—years of physical and emotional abuse while growing up as an orphan, living with family members who mistreated her. She carried that trauma into her marriage, bracing for the worst with every interaction.

The pastor realized something profound that day: Before he could address what was wrong in their relationship, he had to first help her heal from the wounds she carried into it. He embarked on a journey of reassurance—constantly reminding her, with words and actions, that she was safe, loved, and valued. Over time, her fear subsided, and their marriage flourished.

This story brings us to a deeper truth about marriage. Candor—the courage to speak honestly—is essential. But honesty must be coupled with wisdom and grace. Sometimes, what looks like resistance to correction isn’t stubbornness; it’s a reaction to deeper wounds. In those moments, our role as spouses isn’t just to communicate truth but to be a source of healing.

Marriage, at its core, is a partnership. And yes, there are seasons where one spouse may need to be the other’s “therapy.” This doesn’t mean fixing them or shouldering burdens we’re not equipped to carry, but it does mean creating a safe space where healing can begin.

If your spouse struggles to hear correction, ask yourself:

Am I approaching them with kindness and patience?

Have I created an environment where they feel safe, even when hard truths are spoken?

Am I focused on building them up rather than tearing them down?

Colossians 4:6 offers wisdom here:

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

In marriage, grace and truth are not opposites; they are partners. Grace ensures that our words are gentle, and truth ensures that our words are meaningful. Together, they build a foundation where honesty doesn’t hurt—it heals.

So, to answer the question: No, we shouldn’t refrain from pointing out what’s wrong. But we must do so with care, understanding that the goal isn’t to win an argument but to win our spouse’s trust, over and over again.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t just about being right—it’s about being a safe space.

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

Candor in Marriage

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." – Colossians 4:6

Honesty is a virtue, but in marriage, it must be paired with grace. Too often, we justify rudeness or hurtful remarks as "just being honest." But honesty that wounds without purpose or healing is not candor—it's cruelty masked as truth.

True candor builds up, even when it corrects. It seeks to bring clarity, not conflict; growth, not grief. When I speak to my spouse, is my honesty guided by love? Am I reflecting the gracious, seasoned speech that Paul speaks of in Colossians 4:6?

Honesty in marriage should illuminate weaknesses while offering encouragement to strengthen them. It should express truths that bind us closer, not break us apart. When my words tear my spouse down, it's no longer honesty—it's hostility in disguise.

Dear married, ask for grace to choose words that heal and uplift, words that reflect Christ's love in our marriages. 

#DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter

I can Outsource That

I recently watched an episode of The View where a conversation about women living without men took an interesting turn. Out of 12 women interviewed, only one admitted she could live without a man. This sparked a lively debate among the hosts, with one shading her husband and another admitting she "couldn’t live without her husband because he’s handy and fixes things." 

Cue the punchline from another host: “But you could pay someone to do all that.” It was funny, but also deeply revealing. It got me thinking: how many people truly understand the purpose of marriage? 

When marriage is viewed solely through the lens of utility—what we can "get" out of it—it's easy to conclude that we don’t really need it. 

After all, you can outsource almost anything these days: house repairs, cooking, companionship, even the semblance of intimacy. 

But here’s the kicker: marriage was never designed to be a mere exchange of services. The purpose of marriage runs far deeper than the practical benefits. It’s about partnership, growth, and commitment to something greater than ourselves. 

It’s about walking through life with someone who sees your flaws, yet chooses to love you anyway. It’s about becoming a safe space for each other, sharpening one another, and reflecting something eternal. 

 Sure, you can hire someone to fix your sink, but can you outsource someone who will pray over your soul during a storm? You can pay for companionship, but can you outsource the depth of trust that grows from years of shared joys and struggles? 

The tragedy is that many miss out on the richness of marriage because they approach it with a consumer mindset. What can they bring me? How can they serve me? When the question should really be: How can we serve each other? 

So before we reduce marriage to a transaction or a convenience, let’s pause and reflect. The things we can’t outsource—love, trust, legacy, intimacy—are the things that make marriage truly irreplaceable. 

 #DoBetter #LoveBetter #BeBetter