Ask married women (even Christians) what they think of their mothers-in-law and many of them will not have good stories to tell. You'll hear things like "she is a pain in the neck", "she wants to run my home...this is my home, not hers", "she tells us what to buy, when to buy them, where to buy from and if possible, how much to pay", "she is always causing problems between me and my husband". Statistics show that 80% of married women will NEVER want to live under the same roof with their mother-in-law. We have10% that will, if it's not going to be permanent and the remaining 10% are indifferent. Why is there so much HATRED, INTOLERANCE and RIVALRY between the mother and the wife? It's so bad that some spinsters pray that the mother to their would-be husbands should be dead by the time they marry.
Many women ask these questions everyday:
I'm doing my best...but she is just a monster, what else can I do?
She doesn't love me...would she treat me like this if I was her biological daughter? There is nothing I do that pleases her...how long will this continue? The irony of the whole thing is that these mothers-in-law were once daughters-in-law that felt the same way about their own mothers-in-law.
It's so bad that we have seen confrontations, physical brawls, so much bitterness and heartaches and in extreme cases, divorce.
The FUNDAMENTAL reason for the RIVALRY is the fact that two women love the same man in different ways. From the mother's perspective "he is my son, my baby, I suffered over him...I raised him to be the man you fell in love with. You cannot oust me just because he married you...I'm still very involved in his life". And from the wife's perspective "Mama, you have done your part, he is mine now, he is my baby now, to love and to hold. For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother...we are one now, it's my home and he is mine now"
Now I ask, is it possible to find a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law living at peace without any grudge?
What should be the attitude of a Christian wife to a hostile mother-in-law?
Firstly, it is possible to see a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law living in love and harmony...a good example of this from the Bible is Ruth and Naomi. The love was so real that even when it seemed Ruth had nothing to gain from the relationship, she stayed put and just couldn't abandon her mother-in-law. I'm sure Naomi wasn't perfect because her other daugher-in-law left but Ruth stayed with her, loved her and took care of her...even when what connected them was no more. The truth is, it was more of what Ruth did than what Naomi did...she saw Naomi as her own mother, and that's why she couldn't abandon her because she wouldn't have done that to her own mother no matter how bad she was.
As a Christian woman, these are the steps to take to make a difference and live at peace with your mother-in-law. I know it won't be easy but God doesn't take "it's difficult" as an excuse if "it's possible". This is STRICTLY for children of God that also love their husbands, their marriages and their homes.
1. See your mother-in-law as your own mother...this will help you deal with her issues/drama. Have this attitude whenever she starts her trouble "This is my mother. There's nothing my mother can do to me that'll make me insult, abuse or even lay my hands on her. She is "ALWAYS" right even when she is so wrong". That will always ease the tension and clear the air.
2. NEVER disrespect your mother-in-law, even if/when everyone thinks she deserves it. Your husband will love you for it and you are sowing good seeds into your future (as a mother-in-law to be).
3 Remember what the bible says "in as much as it DEPENDS ON YOU, follow PEACE with all men (including your mother-in-law) and put it into practice.
4 Do not pay evil with evil, or hatred with hatred...shower your mother-in-law with goodness and love. There is no "human being" that doesn't respond to love...it may only take a while.
5. Be patient with her because the truth is, even if the problem doesn't end...the perpetrator will.
6. Remember, it's not about WHO is RIGHT, it's about WHAT is RIGHT. Don't FIGHT for your RIGHT...Hold your peace and let God fight for you.
7. END the evil cycle...whatever you would want in your future daughter-in-law, BE.
8. Remember, your husband is watching, your children are watching, people are watching and most of all God is watching.
9. It takes a woman to build a home, WISDOM is her tool. Ask God for wisdom always (He'll give you)
10. Don't keep records of her wrongdoings...otherwise, you'll "bottle up" and someday you won't be able to take it anymore.
11. Always remember that NOBODY is PERFECT, and that includes you.
12. Forgive easily...the truth is, whatever your mother-in-law is doing, she believes it's because she loves her son...so she is either doing the right things the wrong way or the wrong things the right way. Don't disregard her intentions.
13 Even when you disagree with her on issues regarding your marriage/home/children, don't be rude...just be assertive and do your best to convince her. Let it be clear to all that you went above and beyond to make her see things your way and that you didn't just usurp her "authority".
14 After you've had it your way (in 13 above), make time to apologize for not doing it her way
15 Try to make compromises once in a while on issues that will not be adversely affected by doing it her way. (Afterall, she has been there done that...so her contributions too can be helpful from time to time)
I pray that God will grant you the GRACE to do all these. Your marriage will not fail in Jesus' name. Your children will call you blessed and may your would-be daughters-in-law treat you better because of the good seeds you are sowing/about to start sowing.
Don't forget, she loves your husband too...and she has a right to. God bless you
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