The first constituent we talked about was LOVE; if you missed that…check it here
JOY is the next one, the second constituent of the fruit of the Spirit. The dictionary defines the word Joy as “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness”.
This definition is why it is so hard for a lot of people to find JOY. We see joy as a state of “having no problems or issues”…as something that comes when everything is hey ok or that joy means feeling good all the time. But is it possible to be happy 24/7?
I love how Pastor Rick Warren defined joy “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation”.
Joy is not attached to physical things; therefore it is independent of any situation. A joyful person has Joy irrespective of what he/she is going through. Joy when there is food, joy when there is hunger. Joy is safety, joy in peril. Joy is not contingent on anything in order to exist…it is a SPIRITUAL quality.
Happiness, on the other hand, is ephemeral. It is conditional, situation dependent, and cultivates restlessness. It requires constant maintenance and a search for new ways to keep it going.
We all seek happiness, which is normal, but the pursuit of happiness shouldn’t be our primary focus. Joy is an internal knowing that begins on the inside and is expressed outwardly. Happiness on the other hand comes as a result of events or situations happening around us.
Joy springs from a source and that source is God or our confidence in Him…it is not a direct result of what ‘is’ or what we see currently but it comes from knowing that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)
Psalm 33: 20-22 says “We’re depending on God; He’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own His holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got - that’s what we’re depending on”. This shows us the source of true joy…knowing that God loves us more than we even love ourselves and that He’s got the BEST plan for us.
This joy brings strength to stand when everything else seems to be falling apart…this joy gives a reason to go on when turning back will be justifiable. “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me; therefore my heart is filled with joy”. Psalm 28:7
Now that we have defined JOY and explained its source, let’s look at what roles it plays in a relationship.
Let me start by saying NOBODY ELSE CAN ‘CREATE’ JOY IN YOUR LIFE. Joy is a self-responsible state...in other words; you are responsible for your own joy.
A joyful relationship is one in which both parties already resonate deeply with joy.
Joy is the most important gift you can bring to your marriage. It’s much more important than any gift delivered from the list of gifts in your registry. Joy is an energy source to recharge your spiritual and emotional batteries. A relationship that is built upon joy, can withstand any storm.
The beautiful thing about joy is that it can only be taken away when you choose to give it up…ever seen someone who has given away their joy? Such people are generally depressive, unmotivated and sad.
Examples of Joy Killers/Stealers/Drainers are
Ingratitude
Dreaming, planning and acting outside of God’s will
Impurity in thoughts
Lack of contentment
Neglecting Priorities
Unforgiveness
Unproductive Spiritual Life
Expecting someone else to be your source of joy is like giving them an assignment in which they are destined to fail.
“Happiness in life is transitory, dependent on circumstances. Joy continues regardless of trials. That's especially true in marriage. When a couple discovers joy, they are free to enjoy marriage the way it was designed by God. And they are able to endure all that life throws at them”. Dr. Greg Smalley
The Bible shows us that Joy is very possible in the midst of heartaches, poverty, suffering troubles and trials.
“Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything” - 2 Corinthians 6:10
“… in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit” - 1 Thessalonians 1:6
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” –James 1:2
Above all, it is a command…I Thessalonians 5:16 says “Always be joyful”.
Can you imagine experiencing joy and happiness on a daily basis in your marriage or in your relationship? It is totally doable, it starts by changing the way you see your situations.
1. Start by determining to keep bringing joy, love, acceptance, compassion, empathy and vibrancy to your relationship. Keep doing that; infuse the positive more than the negative stuff and that relationship will suddenly start to turn positive. Our Lord Jesus said “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full” John 15:11. What are those things? He continued in verse 12 “that you love one another, just as I have loved you”.
2. Add Prayer to this…the Bible says “…Ask, using my name and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy”. John 16:24
3. Consciously find the “joyful” in each activity of the day. Search for something good or praiseworthy in each situation you find yourself and keep your mind on those things. The Bible says “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things”. – Philippians 4:8
4. When there is an issue, focus your energy on finding a solution…stop brooding over the problem “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” – Philippians 4:6
5. If you know certain things make your partner happy, make an effort to do those things
6. Practice Positive Projection. Believe the best about your partner and also project positive traits and ideas onto them. Acknowledge the reality, but hope against hope, believe and call into being that which does not exist. Romans 4:16-18
It requires a lot of efforts but it is achievable…we are all work-in-progress.
The next constituent (PEACE) will show us where/how to find succor in the midst of turbulence and how to keep our JOY intact.
To the unmarried, may you not trade your joy for a wedding ring.
To the married, the joy of the Lord is your strength in Jesus’ name
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