Let me start with these quotes on patience
“Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success” – Napoleon Hill
“Peaceful warriors have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water clears. They remain unmoving until the right time, so the right action arises by itself. They do not seek fulfillment, but wait with open arms to welcome all things” – Dan Millman
“Patience and time do more than strength or passion” – Jean de La Fontaine
“Our patience will achieve more than our force” – Edmund Burke
“He that can have patience can have what he will” Benjamin Franklin
“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish” – John Quincy Adams
Patience is a virtue
Another word for Patience is Forbearance…
Wikipedia defines Patience as the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on negative annoyance/anger; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.
The Biblical definition of Patience is the quality of forbearance and self-control which shows itself particularly in a willingness to wait upon God and His will. Believers are called upon to be patient in their expectations of God’s actions, and in their relationships with one another.
It suffices to say that as a Christian, you are patient when you are willing to WAIT UPON GOD….knowing fully well that “Faithful is he who has called you; it is he who shall perform it”. Galatians 5:22
Patience is
saying “God, I’ll wait until You are ready to give it to me, even if I desperately
want it NOW”
One of the virtues of a child of God is the ability to trust Him enough to wait PATIENTLY on Him. True strength lies in waiting…the Bible says “but they who WAIT for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” Isaiah 40:31
There are times that God takes us through a process; He makes us wait because He sees the bigger picture. He knows what we want, He also knows WHEN it will glorify Him the most and makes us wait until that time. The question is, do we trust Him enough to wait for His time? Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “He has made everything beautiful in his time…”
In this age of INSTANT everything (instant noodles, instant dinner, instant messaging), patience, as a virtue, is fast evaporating. Everybody wants what they want and they want it NOW.
Everybody wants
instant gratification in every aspect of life…once we don’t get it; we become
inpatient, which leads to anger.
We also bring
this “instant gratification” attitude into our marriage and relationships and
we become inpatient with our partners…which invites anger. When you are angry
with your partner, your partner usually becomes angry too and before you know
it, you are in an argument precipitated by your impatience.
Permit me to say that it is impossible to serve God without patience, likewise it is impossible to be successful in marriage without patience. I am from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria, West Africa and one of the most common marital nuggets that the elders give to a young man that’s about to get married is “sùúrù la fi ń’se oko obìrin” meaning it takes patience to be a successful husband. I believe it works both ways...men may need more patience but both parties need patience to have a successful marriage.
In the context of a relationship, wikihow says “Patience is the ability to persevere and maintain composure in situations that necessitate understanding, entail a tolerance for delay, and incite emotional intensity. Patience is often referred to as a virtue or a habit, and practicing patience is an action. Therefore, patience is something that can be developed. Relationships present many circumstances that call for patience, and patience is necessary to having a healthy and functional relationship”.
Patience in a
relationship leans more towards endurance and forgiveness. It is patience that can help you through your
differences and incompatibilities.
There are things
that will make you pull your hair and things that will try to drain your
patience but you just have to bear with your partner…hence the word forbearing.
Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with/make allowance for/ be tolerant of each other
and forgive one another…”
Love is patient
(1 Corinthians 13:4)…if you claim to love someone but can’t be patient with
them, you may need to redefine your love.
Learning to be
patient starts with you being patient
with yourself. Knowing that it is a process and that if you keep working at
it, you will get there. Work on it, designate some private time to work on practicing
patience in your relationship.
Anytime you see
that you are running out of patience with your partner, STOP! Do nothing…don’t
react, just breathe.
Once you have
controlled your emotions, you can then respond (response that’s not obstructed
or clouded by emotions works better).
Be sure that
your impatience is not born out of ego, wanting to be right or having things go
according to your plan. Know that marriage is about two people so whatever your
plans, they are just part of the equation.
Confess it in
your prayers …I am patient, I am calm. I will listen, I will not judge, I will
not jump to conclusions…I am capable of practicing patience.
Learn to let it
go…don’t make a fuss about every single detail. Don’t claim to be a
perfectionist, unless you are truly perfect (which I doubt).
Know what burns
your patience and learn to avoid them. Be mindful of situations that challenge
your patience.
Looks like I say
this every time…but I have to, because it is that important. COMMUNICATE, with
clarity, your needs and expectations for the relationship with your partner.
Change is the only constant thing in
life, know when to ‘trim’ your expectations…it helps you deal with frustrations
and helps you be more patient. I saw this at a friend’s house “God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” –
Reinhold Niebuhr.
Understand the difference between
what is uncomfortable and what is intolerable…so your husband/boyfriend is not
organized, is that something you cannot tolerate or something that’s just
uncomfortable? She is an impulsive shopper…is it uncomfortable or intolerable?
Know when to take a step back when
overwhelmed, avoid confrontation and gently explain why you don’t want to do
this now or why the timing is off for you.
Always take time to relax and rest.
There are times we take on too much than we can handle and our partners get the
short end of the stick when it comes to patience. Slow down, cut yourself some
slack.
With all that goes on in a relationship, patience is
something that you MUST have in order to survive the ups and downs. For
example, as time goes on you may find out some things about your partner
that you may not like or understand, and you want them to change.
And, your partner may agree that he/she should change, but because they
have been doing it so long, it may take some time.
If you are impatient, you will only make matters worse and what you want to accomplish will not happen because you've allowed your impatience get the best of you. However, when you allow patience to have its perfect work, your partner will know that you are there to help them along the way, and they will feel good about making the changes, which may have been harder to change at first, but now have become easier and easier to cope with because of the love and patience you have shown to them. So, show a little patience. You will find that it will go a very long way towards a happy and productive relationship – Anthony Small
If you are impatient, you will only make matters worse and what you want to accomplish will not happen because you've allowed your impatience get the best of you. However, when you allow patience to have its perfect work, your partner will know that you are there to help them along the way, and they will feel good about making the changes, which may have been harder to change at first, but now have become easier and easier to cope with because of the love and patience you have shown to them. So, show a little patience. You will find that it will go a very long way towards a happy and productive relationship – Anthony Small
This is my prayer for you
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy – Colossians 1:11
May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with your spouse/partner, in accord with Christ Jesus – Roman 15:5
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy – Colossians 1:11
May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with your spouse/partner, in accord with Christ Jesus – Roman 15:5
I pray the same for myself and my
wife in Jesus’ name.
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