Tuesday, August 18, 2015

I Should Have Spoken Up (Conclusion)

It’s a miracle” was exactly what the doctor said when Bose was discharged…she was at the hospital for 12 days. The doctor told them it was nothing short of divine intervention because the mixture Bose took had caused a trauma to her uterus which caused an acute uterine rupture and also affected a lot of things and it was really tough getting the bleeding to stop without removing the uterus.  However, the doctor told her aunt that it may be difficult but not impossible for her to conceive and he would also recommend a C-section anytime Bose wanted to have a baby in the future because if there had been a previous rupture, the person should automatically be scheduled for a caesarian section.

Aunty Mary pulled Bose from her school and registered her for the General Certificate Examination which was an equivalent of the Senior Secondary Certificate Examination she was supposed to take that year. She made Bose take her to Lizzy’s house and she informed Lizzy’s parent of all that happened…it was a shock to see that Lizzy came from a strict background. Apparently, she had also been exposed to that kind of life by her elder brother's friend who frequented their house under the guise of visiting his friend.

As suggested by the doctor, Bose was sent to a therapist to help her deal with what she had been through …she almost stopped after the 2nd session because she said it made her feel like she was re-living the experience but the therapist encouraged and helped her through.
Bose found out that she would have been better off if she had spoken up right from the start. The way her aunt handled the issue made her regret all the times she kept quiet and took the abuse. She found out that Uncle BJ’s threats were just empty threats. She learned so much at the therapy sessions that opened her eyes to all the options she could have explored to forestall what happened.

Uncle BJ tried everything to appeal to his wife but she did not allow him back in the house…she said she would have been able to forgive him if it was just a regular extramarital affair but she did not want a molester under the same roof with her children.
Bose and Bola said they would leave the house so that Uncle BJ could come back as they did not want to be the reason for their separation. Aunty Mary said she would rather have them than have her husband because they were just like her children and their late mother once chose her over everything else. She revealed to them that Uncle BJ was not the biological father of her first daughter…he married her when she was already 6 months pregnant; the person responsible for the pregnancy had denied it and traveled abroad.

Uncle BJ had always pestered her for a relationship but she preferred the other guy. When he later heard what the guy did to her, he said he would marry her and they did not have to tell anyone that he wasn’t the one responsible for the pregnancy.

Aunty Mary said if he could do what he did to Bose, he could also do it to 'their' daughter since he wasn’t the biological father.
Aunty Mary kept the real reason for the separation from her children.

Uncle BJ moved to another state and rented an apartment but got arrested about a year after that for molesting a neighbor’s daughter. Unfortunately for him, the girl’s father was a Police Officer.

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We have all read Bose’s story and I know people that took it personally. If you gave them Uncle BJ, they would not hesitate to kill him…but the truth is, there are a lot of 'Boses' out there. They are closer than you think.
Uncle BJ was the villain in this story right? You would be shocked at how many men do such things…and use threat as a means of molesting these innocent children. There are a lot of 'Uncle BJs' around us, people we see as responsible men.
We usually focus our attention on and condemn pedophiles while hebephiles and ephebophiles are having a swell time.

Hebephiles are adults that are primarily sexually attracted to adolescents or children who have at least started puberty and have signs of adult sexual maturation, but are still young and developing both mentally and physically. Once she starts to blossom, they want to pluck. (70 year old man rapes 11 year old girl…did you hear that story?)

Ephebophiles are those that have sexual interests in children who are post-puberty…children between 14 and 17 (Principal caught with student…did you see that on social media as well?) Usually, it would be men that are trusted with such girls that take advantage of them. They abuse the access they have as an uncle, as daddy’s friend, as a family friend, as a teacher even as a pastor to molest and abuse these girls (and boys in some cases)

I beseech us as parents or guardians…let’s teach our girls how to identify inappropriate advances and actions and HOW TO REPORT IT. When it comes to our kids please let’s take preemptive steps…a child well informed is better equipped to deal with such if it happens. Let your kids trust you enough to share their fears with you…watch out for unusual behaviors and withdrawals. Don’t force them to go to places they are reluctant to go or to visit people they, all of sudden, don’t like visiting.

© 2015 Lanre Olagbaju All Rights Reserved

PART 12                                                                                          


Picture Credit (c)thecitywire.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental


1 comment:

Unknown said...

This Is just the truth and is being shoved under the carpet. Parents do have a lot of work to do. May God help us. Enlightening piece.