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Around 12 noon, I heard the doorbell ring but I ignored it.
It was followed by a knock on the door but I still didn’t respond.
I wasn’t expecting anyone…I didn’t wanna see anyone, I didn’t wanna talk to anyone.
The person at the door was persistent but I continued to ignore it.
“Sister Lilian, I know you are in there.
Please open the door, we need to talk to you”
It was our Pastor, Pastor T…when he threatened to call the Police to break down the door, I picked myself up, washed my face and opened it. He didn’t come alone, he came with his wife.
“Oh my God!
What happened to you?” he exclaimed.
He could tell, from how swollen my face was, that I had been crying for a long time.
“Can we come in?” The wife asked
I didn’t say anything; I just got out of the way, walked back inside and sunk into the chair.
Pastor T prayed but I hardly said amen…he asked the spirit of God to take control and the peace of God to permeate my total being.
Then he started to talk
“On my way here, I was asking the Spirit of God to help me with the right words and Romans 8:26-28 came to my mind
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
I may not know what is going on with you but God says it is being worked into something good
Verse 31 of the same scripture says – So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose?”
“I lost already sir
There is no way to fix this
How can anything good come out of this?” I responded in tears
“The only part that I don’t get is how God, who supposedly knows the end from the beginning, would allow this to play out.
Was it to punish me for my indiscretion from the days of ignorance?
Was it to just ridicule me?
Was it to teach me a lesson on how past sins ruin the future?
What was He trying to do?”
I then shared my dream with them
“Now I know why I couldn’t have the gift in the dream…even though it had my name on it”
“Take it easy Sister Lilian
It’s not your place to declare something over until God closes the chapter.
As hard as it sounds, our God remains merciful and faithful.
Job once said “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him”…that’s how trustworthy God is.
That was a man that had no reason whatsoever to see God as merciful, kind or fair saying “Let him put a knife on my neck, I trust Him…I trust His judgement, I trust His decisions and I know he is doing the right thing’”
Those words were like water poured over my burning soul…as hard as it was to swallow them, I knew the words were true and that was what broke me.
I ended up on the floor; Pastor T’s wife sat with me and comforted me while he continued to pray.
From what they said it was obvious Folahan had called to inform them that I bolted from their house without any explanation and attempts to get a hold of me had been futile. He had called my mum to see if I went there but from their conversation, he could tell I wasn’t. He was ready to come to Abuja but needed to be sure I was there and that’s why Pastor and his wife came looking for me. They had called severally but nobody could reach me. All the text messages sent were not delivered either
I then told them what happened…everything.
“How am I supposed to marry someone whose father I once dated and almost had a baby for?
How could God tell Folahan that I’m his wife when He knew there was a twisted connection somewhere?”
Nobody could answer the question.
I asked again then Pastor T said
“"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts”
I have been a Pastor for almost two decades now and I have seen a lot of things. I have seen God humble me, leaving me dumbfounded, time and time again…so I have learnt to simply trust and obey Him.
I may not have an answer but I know that God knows what He is doing.
I am sorry for using this example because I am not trying to make a comparison here…but God once told a Prophet…Prophet Hosea, to marry a known prostitute. How was that even reasonable?
Another one, who would have thought that Rahab would be in the lineage of Jesus? God knows best because He sees beyond today and thus puts things in motion that may not make sense to us because of how far we are limited to see.
Whichever way this goes, you owe it to bro Folahan to let him know what’s happening. I don’t think he knows yet…otherwise he would have mentioned it. I don’t think his dad should be the one to break it to him”
Pastor T’s wife suggested that we called Folahan but I wasn’t going to discuss this over the phone.
Pastor T made the call and after talking to Folahan for a while, passed the phone on to me
“Ara mi, what did I do to you?
How could you do that?
What was so bad that we couldn’t discuss and find a way around?”
I could only tell him I was sorry and that it wasn’t something to discuss over the phone. It hurt so bad that I had to hand the phone back to Pastor T who stepped outside the house to continue talking to Folahan.
“Ask God to talk to you
He is your father…it’s time for Him to speak.
I always do that when I’m at a crossroads…I try not to lean on my own understanding.
I know someone that was in a somewhat similar situation and God came through…it was a very tough one but God fixed it” Pastor T’s wife told me, as she held my hand firmly like she was literally transferring strength to me.
They stayed with me for a while and encouraged me some more.
From Pastor T’s discussion with Folahan, he would be in Abuja later that day or the following morning. I so much dreaded seeing him but Pastor suggested that we could meet at his house and he would be present for moral and spiritual support if needed. We already took Monday off work because the original plan was to return to Abuja Monday evening.
I went back inside and prayed to God to help me…I stopped blaming God and asked for His mercy. I didn’t know how to do this...so I prayed for strength as well.
I didn’t even care anymore, what Folahan’s decision would be. I just wanted God to uphold and comfort him…he did not deserve this. I prayed that God should help salvage the relationship between him and his father…if that’s the only good thing that would come out of all this.
I prayed for a long time and I must have slept off again. I was later woken by the doorbell. Who could it be this time? My phone was still off so I figured the person must have been unable to reach or maybe Pastor T came back.
I opened the door and it was Captain…
